BF/GF To FWB

[katrina1980]

 

I work with doctors and generally speaking, they tend to be more cerebral than emotional.

There seems to be a some separation between common sense and book smarts as well. . a

 

Very well said and describes him almost to a T!

[reinventmyself]

Very well said and describes him almost to a T!

 

When you figure the years of dedication that they invest into their craft, they aren't exercising their social skills or their emotional muscles.

Not all of them mind you. Just a general observation.

[katrina1980]

When you figure the years of dedication that they invest into their craft, they aren't exercising their social skills or their emotional muscles.

Not all of them mind you. Just a general observation.

 

Oh I understand it; and it makes sense.

 

I recall having a few dates with a scientist before I started dating my ex and he was the same.

 

We didn't have the physical connection though so I stopped dating him after 2-3 dates.

 

There is no wrong or right here, he is who HE is and I am who I am.

 

I'm just super nervous about ending it though; I don't think he has any clue whatsoever that this is coming.

[dias]

When you figure the years of dedication that they invest into their craft

This. If you spend 15 years over countless books you become very cerebral. It is inevitable. This dedication moulds your character.

[Batya33]

It's not that he doesn't open up Batya or give me enough attention, I could work with that, and have.

 

I dunno, perhaps emotional detachment is the wrong phrasing.

 

More like lack of emotional intelligence. Like I could never imagine him on a forum like this giving advice, as an example.

 

He's incredibly book smart, a science freak, and excels intellectually in that area.

 

But when we talk and interact, at first I didn't notice so much, but emotionally he has no understanding of people, relationships, nuances, dynamics, or just basic human nature.

 

He's very one dimensional, lacks emotional depth.

 

How do you talk to a person about their lack of emotional intelligence or depth?

 

I wouldn't want to even if I could.

 

Look I didn't want to get into complaining about him, he's a great guy in many respects, just not for me.

 

Yes, I totally get it. I wouldn't attribute it to his profession as he was a person for many years before choosing to go to med school and going. But obviously he may have chosen his profession based on his lack of EI or not wanting to improve his EI.

 

I think people who value social interactions and EI do not let their profession or academic pursuits get in the way of that, ever. I remember one of my friends from elementary school being in a comedy/improv group during med school -she never compromised her emotional life for her profession. It's a choice we all make when we choose a job/career/profession -how much it's going to infiltrate our personal life, if at all.

 

Still interesting that it wasn't an issue for you at first - I would think that the spark would not have been there with such a person.

[Annia]

Yeah I don't think it would work otherwise.

 

As you've probably guessed, I am contemplating proposing this to my bf; I don't have time to get into it all now, but basically after a little more than four months, I realize he's not the right "fit" for me for various reasons, but surprisingly I really enjoy the sex! So does he!

 

This is a new feeling/experience for me as I've never had sex, or even enjoyed it, outside a "relationship" (or potential RL) or had an "FWB," but life is full of changes, so thinking of ending the dating relationship, and proposing we become FWBs.

 

I have no idea how he will feel about it, but I suspect he'll be okay with it (I could be wrong, it's hard to know with him), otherwise I wouldn't even be thinking about this!

 

I'd just end the RL altogether.

 

I'd suggest maybe waiting a little between the break up and the fwb situation? Maybe I'm speculating, but this could lead into having a relationship the same but without the title (I'm assuming the encounters wouldn't be only of sexual nature... fwb many times isn't just sex and leave) and that could confuse you both. In the mean time if things aren't well resolved between you two, it might lead you to not be emotional and physically available for a new relationship (if that's what you want in the future, of course).

 

I hear a lot about hook ups with exes, but it's usually after some time passed and not right after the break up with an agreement as such. It might work, it's just a situation that I'm not familiar with.

[figureitout23]

I know I'm late but to answer the question,no ive never done it, but just thinking about it, if you are on the same page, I'd think it would work out better than most FWB situations because you already tried being in a relationship and recognized it didn't work so there's no 'what if's

 

We're all different, while j.man states he's drawn to sex with new people, I actually find sex with the same person to be highly enjoyable, because you learn that persons likes and dislikes, turn ons turn offs, you push the envelope more as time goes on and it improves as time goes on. You don't get that with new sexual partners, so that's why I'd be on board. But alas, I am unlucky enough to not be able to separate sex and emotion. Lord knows if I could I'd snatch up a boo thang so quick.

[Jibralta]

In any relationship, feelings change. In an FWB situation, emotions can fluctuate quite a lot. So ideally you should be prepared to deal with it.

[sky09]

What ended up happening here? Looks it it's over, judging by your other posts.

[reinventmyself]

What ended up happening here? Looks it it's over, judging by your other posts.

I've been waiting and wondering too. K?

[dias]

What ended up happening here? Looks it it's over, judging by your other posts.

 

We will find out in the new season!