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I'm 33 and completely single. My boyfriend dumped me 2 weeks ago.


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What's wrong with being single? Your relationship was not healthy.

 

Get out and enhance your life. ,Make new friends, take classes, Meet ups, volunteer, whatever.

 

Don't ever believe your life is complete by having a partner. Far from it.

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""He wasn't my rock. When I was anxious and scared he was never around because he couldn't handle it. I wasn't being abusive it just made him uncomftobrtabe. He always put his needs first and rarely considered my feelings and the implications of him blurring out things. I'm grateful that we broke up because I can see how unhappy I was. I need someone that has more empathy and is in tune with me. I guess that is referred to as understanding and compassion!"

 

The relationship was super-unhealthy. I recall you called his ex wife for advice :( I suggest a long break without a partner to work on yourself. Strongly advise some therapy, too.

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I'm starting to panic about being 33 and single. Everyone I know is either in a relationship, married or has kids. I feel so alone and its starting to get to me.

 

 

For starters, let's not compare your life with the lives of others, that's never a good thing :) . Take some time to enjoy yourself, make sure you know what you want, and then go put yourself out there. Best advice to find someone is to always be actively trying.

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""He wasn't my rock. When I was anxious and scared he was never around because he couldn't handle it. I wasn't being abusive it just made him uncomftobrtabe. He always put his needs first and rarely considered my feelings and the implications of him blurring out things. I'm grateful that we broke up because I can see how unhappy I was. I need someone that has more empathy and is in tune with me. I guess that is referred to as understanding and compassion!"

 

The relationship was super-unhealthy. I recall you called his ex wife for advice :( I suggest a long break without a partner to work on yourself. Strongly advise some therapy, too.

I messaged his ex wife on Facebook. She never ended up seeing the message anyways. I will say despite what I did was wrong he also has putting me in these impossible situations leading up to a break up which wasn't fair to put me through that. He could have just dumped me
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I honestly would rather be alone than with someone that treated me in the way your ex did. Would u really rather be in a relationship where u feel alone?
Ya he was an a**. But apparently all of this was in reaction to how I treated him because I was scared. He is a coward and a weak person.
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You're not single, you're free!!

If this causes you anxiety, you really have to focus on yourself. Learn how to love yourself. Therapy would be a marvelous investment right now.

 

Being single is WAY better than being in a bad relationship.

 

edit to add: I'm 36 and single.

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Take a deep breath. You will be fine. You are not "totally single" - you just got out of a relationship that needed to end. Take this year to heal and do things you couldn't do in your relationship - reconnect with friends who went by the wayside, discover a new hobby, travel, etc. And in a year see how you feel to date

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I'm starting to panic about being 33 and single. Everyone I know is either in a relationship, married or has kids. I feel so alone and its starting to get to me.

 

OP, when I was your age, I was married and in a really bad marriage that I never should have been in. While the bad marriage served some purposes, the price was too high to continue. Of course, I wouldn't admit this to any one.

 

What I am trying to say is that people are not as happy as they let on. At 44, I finally met my soulmate and I married her. I'm at the end of the first year of my second marriage and it's better than I ever imagined.

 

Love takes time. Don't rush it.

 

Also, a huge, huge recommendation. 90% of how we got where we are is from our parents and our childhood. The sooner one realizes that you no longer have to behave the way you always have, the better you will be. For instance, I always tend to be a little less assertive than most because that's how I survived living with a narcissist grandmother. Guess what... that behavior doesn't help me anymore as I have no narcissist in my life. I can act however I want to now for the better of myself and my relationships. My point is, everyone has baggage like my example. The sooner one addresses it, the easier it is to find love. Good luck!!!

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Thank you all! I guess what stresses me more than anything is my biological clock because I want to have children. I would love to take a year off but honestly my shear time is running out. It really creates a lot of anxiety knowing I'm under the gun and have 5 to 7 years to have a baby.

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Thank you all! I guess what stresses me more than anything is my biological clock because I want to have children. I would love to take a year off but honestly my shear time is running out. It really creates a lot of anxiety knowing I'm under the gun and have 5 to 7 years to have a baby.

 

There is no biological clock... people have meet, married, divorced and remarried in less than 5 years. You are so young!!! I know someone who had twins at 41!

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Thank you all! I guess what stresses me more than anything is my biological clock because I want to have children. I would love to take a year off but honestly my shear time is running out. It really creates a lot of anxiety knowing I'm under the gun and have 5 to 7 years to have a baby.

 

I would not take much time off if your goal is to have the opportunity to conceive naturally (or have your own biological child). Certainly I'd look into egg freezing. I did when I was single and 32 and way back then it was not a viable option (only embryo freezing and that was not an option for me). Of course there are anxious feelings with it. I went through that, I lived it. After age 35 I had a much easier time meeting men. I grew in confidence and I was able to buy better hair products (yes, that seriously helped, the flat iron technology that improved in the early 2000s). I made it more than a part time job, I was proactive and no I personally did not take breaks from dating. I wanted marriage and a family and I was NOT desperate either. I was desperate in my 20s because, in hindsight I didn't yet have anything to call my own in the way of accomplishments -and many of my friends married by their mid 20s. So I got engaged and luckily broke it off right away to Mr. Right on Paper. Thank goodness.

 

I relate and I understand. Take a few weeks, a month - be open to whatever thoughts and feelings come as to why you stayed as long as you did, whether you settled, what differences you want in the next relationship. Come up with at least 6 ways to meet men including ways that involve just meeting people -including women who can introduce you to men. If you need some help with your physical appearance or health/fitness plan on that as well.

 

And the anxiety -just do your utmost to channel it to positive energy, to action -lately when I feel stressed I do things like take it out on the egg I'm beating, the floor I'm scrubbing, the treadmill I'm power walking on - seriously -I take it out on those inanimate objects and tell myself that is what I am doing and that that is my outlet -that I'm not allowed to take it out on myself or others in any negative way. If your anxiety is clinical obviously you may need to speak to a professional. Dating is really hard. It requires a thick skin. I started dating my husband at age 39, we got pregnant when I was almost 42, naturally. A miracle. And totally worth all the anxiety -connecting with and loving him and having our son. Good luck.

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Batya33 THANK YOU SO MUCH! I am not desperate either and was doubting myself for jumping right back in. But I don't care what people think. I want a family and I must continue to look. I decided to go online and connect with a few great men. I have a date this week with a guy that is a teacher and seems to have his stuff together and we talked about spirituality which is important for me and he said... he would want to raise his children like that. He said It not Me! It was great. He is 35 and I'm 33. So it looks like he is serious and wants to settle. I'm really glad that I trusted my gut and didn't stop looking. I want a family. I am not broken - I have a lot to offer. It's just with the wrong person they don't understand you and their opinions rub off. But only I know the truth about me. Regarding my anxiety - I went on medication which HONEST to God I thank God for my ex every single day for making me so aware to the point of me going to the doctor to do something about it. I've been on the medication for 3 months now and I just feel normal. It was something I needed to do a LONG time ago, but refused because I couldn't come to terms with my depression and anxiety. I'm a successful person and I couldn't accept that I could have it. I even judged myself. I feel like a dark cloud has lifted from my shoulders. I still have bad days by the lows aren't as low anymore. I just feel like Me again!

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OH and my ex had a huge problem with my smoking. I had smoked for 15 years secretly and smoked about 6 a day. I didn't have a major issue with it because I didn't see that I smoked a lot and hung around smokers. When I met my ex he had a HUGE problem with it and it created a lot of problems. It honestly made me open my eyes and realize they I smoke because I'm addicted When I allowed it to sneak under the radar for so many years. Again thanks to him after we broke up I decided that is it. I don't want to be with a smoker ether so it isn't fair that I do even if it is ocassionaly that is so hypocritical. So I bought this book by Allan Carr called the Easy way to quit smoking. I read it in 2 days. And I promise on my life it was honestly the easiest way to quit smoking. I tried so many times before and I would get cranky and irritable. I only had one craving in the first 3 days but that was it. The reason is because he clearly explained what the cravings meant so I wasn't scared if them. I used them as ammunition to quit this horrible disease! So out of my ex I learned a lot to better myself. He also taught me how to talk with respect when I'm angry and they it IS NEVER OK TO TAKE YOUR ANGER OUT ON SOMEONE. It took me a while to wrap my brain around that one. But now I understand that it is ok to feel angry but it needs to be channeled and it doesn't matter how much someone loves you they do not have to put up with that. Lastly I will say that in this whole process I started realizing the "friends" I had in my life. Not all but some were really toxic for me and interestingly enough it just so happens to be all of the ones that smoke!!! So, I made the tough yet easy decision to not spend anymore time with them. They weren't doing anything good for my life. So I feel I cleaned up a lot in my life. I feel like a stronger more confident person. And I feel blessed for my ex he was am angel in my life and will always have a special place in my heart for him.

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So with the first meet -I would just take it as a first meet with a stranger. Your convo sounds nice, positive, etc and he is a stranger for all relevant purposes. You have no idea if you will click enough in person to warrant going on a first date in the future. I would limit texting before you meet.

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