The age issue..

[katrina1980]

Funny story.

 

After my ex and I broke up, for fun, ego boost, whatever, I posted a profile on OKCupid with photos. Put my real age which at the time was 35.

 

I got tons of responses from men in their 20s who didn't believe me; thought I was lying about being 35! Thought I was in my 20s (photos can be deceiving sometimes, lol).

 

I was like, haha why would I make myself older?! If I were to lie I would make myself younger not older!

 

It became fun banter with my eventually asking them if they wanted me to send my drivers license or something proving my age.

 

In the end, they believed me and *did not care* that I was older. In one case the guy was 24! He didn't care.

 

So OP, really try hard to get rid of this hang up you have about it. Be proud! No one cares.

 

What men care about more is that you're attractive, fit and REAL.

[Batya33]

What's odd is that at 40, she IS younger! He's 48.

 

I suspect if he had been 60, 20 years older, she still would have lied.

 

OP also said she looks 35, which makes her need to lie all the more baffling.

 

I sort of understand it though. She's not the only woman who has lied about her age. Doesn't make it right, just sayin.

 

Women have been lying about their age since forever! Men too!

 

But as I said, it's so easy nowadays for anyone to find out one's age, so it's really just not smart to do anymore.

 

It hasn't been forever for women lying about their age on a dating site - lying in another context -it happens, people know it does, it's kind of rude to ask a woman's age, etc -but on a dating site there is no gray area - you are asked your actual age, not the age you wish you were or the age that will get you more responses.

[katrina1980]

It hasn't been forever for women lying about their age on a dating site - lying in another context -it happens, people know it does, it's kind of rude to ask a woman's age, etc -but on a dating site there is no gray area - you are asked your actual age, not the age you wish you were or the age that will get you more responses.

 

>>It hasn't been forever for women lying about their ages on a dating site

 

LOL, Batya I adore you but you really need to stop taking everything so literally!

 

I didn't really mean *forever* (obviously), and I didn't mean only on dating sites either.

 

But let's face it many women, and men, *do* lie about their ages.

 

I agree it's not right, it's deceptive, just trying to understand the rationale behind why people do it (lie).

 

People are insecure about being "older", and just like men lying about their height, women think they will be rejected for it. So they lie.

[Batya33]

>>It hasn't been forever for women lying about their ages on a dating site

 

LOL, Batya I adore you but you really need to stop taking everything so literally!

 

I didn't really mean forever, and I didn't mean only on dating sites either.

 

But let's face it many women, and men, *do* lie about their ages.

 

I agree it's not right, it's deceptive, just trying to understand the rationale behind why people do it (lie).

 

People are insecure about being "older", and just like men lying about their height, women think they will be rejected for it.

 

I'm not taking it literally -I agree with you and see dating sites as different because it asks for your actual age or date of birth. And as I wrote above I really resent all of my time that was wasted on liars from dating sites - and most often age but sometimes marital status or about their level of education.

[katrina1980]

I meant taking the word "forever" literally.

 

Which you did otherwise you would not have responded "It hasn't been forever..."

 

It doesn't matter though, we agree on the fundamental point.

[Batya33]

I meant taking the word "forever" literally.

 

Which you did otherwise you would not have responded "It hasn't been forever..."

 

It doesn't matter though, we agree on the fundamental point.

 

I wasn't taking forever literally. I agree with you that in general it's forever thing. But dating sites are relatively new and my point was that dating sites are different -that lying on a dating site about a fact - your age, your marital status, level of education - is not the same as the "forever" category.

[katrina1980]

I wasn't taking forever literally. I agree with you that in general it's forever thing. But dating sites are relatively new and my point was that dating sites are different -that lying on a dating site about a fact - your age, your marital status, level of education - is not the same as the "forever" category.

 

Ok, fair enough.

[Lambert]

i think you should reflect on why you feel the need to lie about your age. i personally am proud of my age and I am flattered, when someone thinks I'm younger... but come on, it seems lame and rather immature to lie about it.

 

People do lie on dating sites. they don't look like their pictures etc but if you arent being your true self, you are wasting everyone's time. bc if you about your age... what else you hiding?

 

girl you're 40... grow up.

[Sportster2005]

I put down different age in my dating profile- I look very young and I take of myself, somehow my age causes me anxiety - always and irrationally. I'm a late bloomer and haven't dated until 7 years ago.

So I am 40, I put down 34, I look 32 like a model - still take part in runway shows.

 

I saw this man whom I really like for two dates. And for third I suggested we go to an exhibition he mentioned. This is what he wrote me back:

 

"Hi Levi. It's a good idea, but I already made plans with a friend to see that exhibit. Separately, I should ask you a question. From something you said the other day, I inferred that your profile might have understated your age. It's important to me to understand that. Please forgive me if the profile is right; but I decided I should just ask you."

 

If I reply and say my profile is incorrect- he will be put off - I feel what he wrote .. he is rejecting me so I'd be in a better spot not to reply at all...

 

I don't really know what to do.. he himself is 47.. so 7 years my senior, yet he may want someone a lot younger.

 

I don't know if he wants someone younger, but he probably wants someone that doesn't lie. There is no rationale, reason or excuse to lie on a dating profile. Period. End of story.

[boltnrun]

What if he lied about being a doctor and was actually a medical assistant? What if he said he was divorced but actually hadn't even filed yet? What if he lied about wanting children when he really didn't (my friend's ex husband pulled that one)?

 

Lies are lies and for me, lying is a good enough reason to step away.

 

OP, I hope you've decided to be honest on your dating profile. Men most likely will still want to date you even if you put your true age.

[abitbroken]

From something you said the other day, I inferred that your profile might have understated your age. It's important to me to understand that. Please forgive me if the profile is right; but I decided I should just ask you."

 

The only way you can say this: "I am a model professionally and i need potential clients to think i am the age they assume I am when they see me. I am in truth, 40. I am so used to writing an age range on things, that i goofed on the dating site."

 

I am betting its nothing you said -- i bet he thinks you look a little older than 34...

[abitbroken]

btw, if you are a woman, a 47 year old man dating a woman is 30s might be doing so because he wants babies. He may not be interested in you if you are 40 --- unless he met you in his day to day life and you were interested in adoption or fertility treatments. But he wouldn't set out to meet a 40 year old

[boltnrun]

From something you said the other day, I inferred that your profile might have understated your age. It's important to me to understand that. Please forgive me if the profile is right; but I decided I should just ask you."

 

The only way you can say this: "I am a model professionally and i need potential clients to think i am the age they assume I am when they see me. I am in truth, 40. I am so used to writing an age range on things, that i goofed on the dating site."

 

I am betting its nothing you said -- i bet he thinks you look a little older than 34...

 

But that would be another lie.

 

She said she deliberately lied about her age on her profile because revealing her true age gives her anxiety. Not that she "goofed".

[Unreasonable]

Don't lie about your age on an online dating profile. Sure, it might put your foot in the door with some guys, but it's not a charade you can put on forever, and a good relationship will at best be founded on distrust and at worse disintegrate instantly.

[Batya33]

btw, if you are a woman, a 47 year old man dating a woman is 30s might be doing so because he wants babies. He may not be interested in you if you are 40 --- unless he met you in his day to day life and you were interested in adoption or fertility treatments. But he wouldn't set out to meet a 40 year old

 

I heard several stories from men who didn't figure out the lie until they met the woman in person. At least a few of them walked out of the first meet right then or there. Good for them - and consider that some men might be far more annoyed and react worse than just walking out especially if they've taken the time to travel to meet you.

[Capricorn3]

So I am 40, I put down 34, I look 32 like a model - still take part in runway shows.

 

From something you said the other day, I inferred that your profile might have understated your age. It's important to me to understand that. Please forgive me if the profile is right; but I decided I should just ask you.".

Never a good idea to lie as it almost always comes back to bite you, as you have already noticed. That said, it seems that while YOU think you look 32, HE in fact thought you look a lot older, probably thought you look your true age, hence his question.

 

Relationships will never be successful when they are based on lies and deceit. Hopefully you have learned something from this.

[thealchemist]

Any relationship that starts with lies seems much less viable to me than one that doesn't.

 

I just don't see the point in lying to someone if you intend to have a LTR.

[abitbroken]

But that would be another lie.

 

She said she deliberately lied about her age on her profile because revealing her true age gives her anxiety. Not that she "goofed".

 

That would be the only way that she could possibly smooth it over into any somewhat 10% reasonable explanation.

[katrina1980]

>>From something you said the other day, I inferred that your profile might have understated your age.

 

I don't know about anyone else, but I'm dying to know what she said!!

[abitbroken]

I heard several stories from men who didn't figure out the lie until they met the woman in person. At least a few of them walked out of the first meet right then or there. Good for them - and consider that some men might be far more annoyed and react worse than just walking out especially if they've taken the time to travel to meet you.

 

I agree that that could definitely happen. I have a friend who is told she looks younger in photos but when you meet her - she looks absolutely fabulous but she does not look ten years younger than she is.

 

I have a friend that this happened to but in the reverse. At the time she was 27 - for real - but because she had grown up in the mountains of Utah and was a big time skiier at one point, she had a lot of sun and wind damage to her skin. She was blonde, but she had a very ruddy complexion with smile lines around the eyes. And she dressed conservatively. I am not talking conservative for a 29 year old - very stylish just without hanging out of your clothing - but she dressed a bit "classic' - slacks with penny loafers and a button down oxford shirt that was not trendy but never out of style. A guy left because she thought she lied and she was really 10 years older. Talking to her about their childhoods and things she remembered would have matched up to her being mid late twenties instead of mid late 30s for sure, but he left anyhow telling her she was too old. she was older than him, but only by seven months.

[boltnrun]

That would be the only way that she could possibly smooth it over into any somewhat 10% reasonable explanation.

 

But again, it would be a lie on top of the previous lie.

 

I disagree that trying to escape the consequences of lying by telling yet another lie is the right thing to do.

[abitbroken]

>>From something you said the other day, I inferred that your profile might have understated your age.

 

I don't know about anyone else, but I'm dying to know what she said!!

 

Maybe "i remember Romper Room...whoops...I meant watching RugRats and the All New Mickey Mouse Club as a kid..."

[katrina1980]

I agree that that could definitely happen. I have a friend who is told she looks younger in photos but when you meet her - she looks absolutely fabulous but she does not look ten years younger than she is.

 

I have a friend that this happened to but in the reverse. At the time she was 27 - for real - but because she had grown up in the mountains of Utah and was a big time skiier at one point, she had a lot of sun and wind damage to her skin. She was blonde, but she had a very ruddy complexion with smile lines around the eyes. And she dressed conservatively. I am not talking conservative for a 29 year old - very stylish just without hanging out of your clothing - but she dressed a bit "classic' - slacks with penny loafers and a button down oxford shirt that was not trendy but never out of style. A guy left because she thought she lied and she was really 10 years older. Talking to her about their childhoods and things she remembered would have matched up to her being mid late twenties instead of mid late 30s for sure, but he left anyhow telling her she was too old. she was older than him, but only by seven months.

 

This happens quite often in my neck of the woods - southern cali.

 

Everyone is in great shape physically (a good majority anyway) but both men and women seem to "age" a bit faster due to the year-round sunshine.

 

I grew up on the east coast, and have never been a huge sun worshipper and take super good care of my skin, so don't have that problem, but know many women who do. Premature wrinkles, sagging skin, and they're in their 20s!

 

Referring back to my post about the guy on OKCupid thinking I was younger than what I had stated on my profile, this may be why. He's become so accustomed to women in their 20s having premature facial lines and such, from my photos, he simply could not believe I was in my mid-30s.

 

Not all though, there are tons of beautiful youthful looking women here, of all ages actually! And men!!!!

[LootieTootie]

Yikes! I would just come clean and like others have advise, tell him the truth- your age and your insecurity that made you lie. Who knows? He may have a change of heart if you tell him why you are insecure about your age.

 

I lied to my current bf (we met on an online game) and I didn't want him to think an old woman in her 30s gaming away with bunch of kids so I lied by age was 25 (I look young too). Two weeks in to bantering online, I could tell he was interested so I came clean, I told him I was actually 5 yrs older than him and that I lied because I didn't want all these young gamers thinking an old lady was online gaming with them and wouldn't want me on their team (yes I know so sad I still crave to belong with the cool kids)... Any way he told me I didn't need to lie about my age ever and he was right, I should be happy and own my age. As you see, my age is posted for everyone to see below my avatar and I love the comments ppl give me when they know my real age. Even my current bf (now living together) our neighbors and fam thinks he's older than me and when they find out, they're shock and its a compliment my way. So own your age because the results are more satisfying than the results of you lying about your age.

[Silverbirch]

If he is 47, he probably doesn't want children with the next partner. Most women at 40 don't either. This might have something to do with his wanting to know. I think you should come clean on it.