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His ex still uses his Netflix account


CurlyBlonde

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Our arrangement and agreement is not an issue with us. It’s working incredibly well now all things considered.

 

That’s not what I am seeking advice on. So please save your thoughts for someone wanting those opinions.

 

I am purely seeking advice about having to see this person’s name all the time - the women he cheated on me with.

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So you really don't have a relationship - you have sex when you see him, but he is basically a sperm donor. That's really rotten to "plan" for your child to have a long distance father. its one thing if something doesn't work out, but your child will be potentially angry when older that they were conceived for selfish reasons and not because his parents met, fell in love and decided to create a family out of that love ---- it was strictly transactional. I think you should not worry about his Netflix account. you have bigger fish to fry. If you don't both want to commit to eachother and be a family and someone moves to do so -- then you have to accept that if he has other women in other ports, then that is what it is. What happens when he decides he would really love to have a wife and that kind of romantic relationship? You will be out in the cold while he finds someone who wants him and not his sperm - maybe i am being harsh == but to me, you have no right to nitpick about this. I'd be more concerned about my child and wanting my child to live near his father if not make a family with him instead of this selfish arrangement

 

What?!? You think these are way off comments, these are facts! This post is so well put. Your main concern is NETFLIX?!? This is not harsh this is reality. I couldn’t have written this reply better myself.

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What?!? You think these are way off comments, these are facts! This post is so well put. Your main concern is NETFLIX?!? This is not harsh this is reality. I couldn’t have written this reply better myself.

 

Like I’ve indicated, the pros and cons of our predicament and my own personal situation were discussed and thought about ad nauseum for years with him, with counsellors, with parents, with friends, with family and even doctors.

 

That’s not what I am asking for advice about.

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Well that’s very presumptuous of you. We went over everything with a counsellor prior to going ahead with our arrangement. IVF is not a spur of the moment situation either. Years of discussion, planning, thinking, talking went into it and unfortunately he did the wrong thing by me.

 

It took a lot to face him again after that and let him back into my life so we will see how it goes. Everyone is loving this kid. He has brought a lot of joy to the families.

Well, to each their own but it I were you, I would have used a sperm bank and not tried to have a monogamous relationship with someone who kept tabs on what happened to his donation but isn't around enough to give you all the benefits of a relationship that is being conducted in the norm.

 

Like others have said, if Netflix burns you that much, just go into his account and delete her. You ARE a couple right? What yours is his and whats his is yours if you actually are a committed couple of the monogamous kind.

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Our arrangement and agreement is not an issue with us. It’s working incredibly well now all things considered.

 

That’s not what I am seeking advice on. So please save your thoughts for someone wanting those opinions.

 

I am purely seeking advice about having to see this person’s name all the time - the women he cheated on me with.

 

An "arrangement" is not a relationship.

 

It sounds like two people going in as partners on a rental house, or partners in buying a race horse. It does not sound like a "relationship". It is a contractual agreement to have made a baby and in doing so, all he owes you - since you stipulated that you would be the caregiver/single mom in essence, is whatever visitation to the child you agreed with, the relationship he has with the child and anything you have both agreed to as far as financial support for education, etc. Your wish is for him to be at arm's length.

 

If i were him, i can say "okay, i made a kid, so if i never get to again, i have done it" and i'd want to meet someone who fell in love with me, wanted to be with me for life and be my wife and if we had kids, then it was a bonus. That means the woman who contractually had a baby with him and lives far away is just that --- the mother of his child that they contractually agreed to have to fulfill both of their wants for a child that they put above a relationship.

 

So really, you have no room to get upset if he is seeing someone or wants to see someone or gives his netflix password out. So you give him sex when he comes to visit - that's all well and good but he has fulfilled his legal agreement with you and that is not all that romantic. He is not contractually obligated to sweep you off your feet and want to be your everything.

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Well, to each their own but it I were you, I would have used a sperm bank and not tried to have a monogamous relationship with someone who kept tabs on what happened to his donation but isn't around enough to give you all the benefits of a relationship that is being conducted in the norm.

 

agree. and counseling doesn't matter in the long run -- he didn't come with a ring and a date. you can't counsel your way into commitment. sorry

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An "arrangement" is not a relationship.

 

It sounds like two people going in as partners on a rental house, or partners in buying a race horse. It does not sound like a "relationship". It is a contractual agreement to have made a baby and in doing so, all he owes you - since you stipulated that you would be the caregiver/single mom in essence, is whatever visitation to the child you agreed with, the relationship he has with the child and anything you have both agreed to as far as financial support for education, etc. Your wish is for him to be at arm's length.

 

If i were him, i can say "okay, i made a kid, so if i never get to again, i have done it" and i'd want to meet someone who fell in love with me, wanted to be with me for life and be my wife and if we had kids, then it was a bonus. That means the woman who contractually had a baby with him and lives far away is just that --- the mother of his child that they contractually agreed to have to fulfill both of their wants for a child that they put above a relationship.

 

So really, you have no room to get upset if he is seeing someone or wants to see someone or gives his netflix password out. So you give him sex when he comes to visit - that's all well and good but he has fulfilled his legal agreement with you and that is not all that romantic. He is not contractually obligated to sweep you off your feet and want to be your everything.

 

Since I only wrote a short post about a 3.5 year period with this man, it may sound like that yes but not at all like that....

 

In the first year and the last year we have discussed marriage, children, living together and I would like all of that with him and of course I love being with him but he has had to prove himself worthy of it at this point.

 

He has hurt a lot of people, his mother included.

 

But the way he has been going for the last 6 months has been very encouraging! He’s going above and beyond to be a better person.

 

I could never have imagined that it would be going this well. I’m seeing sides of him he never showed me before.

 

He’s even found a way that may land him back here for 5 years too.

 

So I’m really happy with how it’s going and so I’m optimistic about the future - but very wary because of the past.

 

Either way, I have no regrets. I’ve never been so happy and I love being able to share these experiences with my parents and with this man. We’re all thrilled.

 

So anyway, thanks for all the advice everyone.

 

Time will tell how this pans out for us as a married couple!

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agree. and counseling doesn't matter in the long run -- he didn't come with a ring and a date. you can't counsel your way into commitment. sorry

 

 

I personally don’t agree with anonymous donor route. I think it would be unfair that a child not know half his family or his father.

 

To be honest, commitment was the furthest thing from my mind.

 

I was dating this guy and both nearing 40.

 

I was under a lot of pressure to donate my kidney to my mother.

 

Thoughts of never having her around to share my future kids was always on my mind - I really wanted to share this grandmother experience with her.

 

I spoke to the tranplant specialist about how this transplant surgery would affect a future pregnancy of mine. It increases risks in a lot of ways.

 

Meanwhile current guy said he wanted children with me and would help with this situation so we got the ball rolling.

 

I didn’t even feel an agreement was needed but it’s something you can always change as time goes on anyway!

 

So no, when you’re dating a guy who is healthy, sporty, good looking, high IQ, totally hilarious and is willing to help and you’re racing against time both with body clock and mother’s health anonymous is definitely not on the cards.

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So you really don't have a relationship - you have sex when you see him, but he is basically a sperm donor. That's really rotten to "plan" for your child to have a long distance father. its one thing if something doesn't work out, but your child will be potentially angry when older that they were conceived for selfish reasons and not because his parents met, fell in love and decided to create a family out of that love ---- it was strictly transactional. I think you should not worry about his Netflix account. you have bigger fish to fry. If you don't both want to commit to eachother and be a family and someone moves to do so -- then you have to accept that if he has other women in other ports, then that is what it is. What happens when he decides he would really love to have a wife and that kind of romantic relationship? You will be out in the cold while he finds someone who wants him and not his sperm - maybe i am being harsh == but to me, you have no right to nitpick about this. I'd be more concerned about my child and wanting my child to live near his father if not make a family with him instead of this selfish arrangement

 

If they're not in a committed relationship then she has not right to complain about a netflix account, I agree.

 

I hope that she doesn't get all "no, you can't see our kid" if he gets a girlfriend/wife. Maybe we're not interpreting right, but it all seems a bit weird indeed.

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Well, to each their own but it I were you, I would have used a sperm bank and not tried to have a monogamous relationship with someone who kept tabs on what happened to his donation but isn't around enough to give you all the benefits of a relationship that is being conducted in the norm.

 

Like others have said, if Netflix burns you that much, just go into his account and delete her. You ARE a couple right? What yours is his and whats his is yours if you actually are a committed couple of the monogamous kind.

 

This. It'd maybe have been easier and better to have gotten an anonymous sperm donator, but since that's not a reality now, it's better to see things how they are.

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If they're not in a committed relationship then she has not right to complain about a netflix account, I agree.

 

I hope that she doesn't get all "no, you can't see our kid" if he gets a girlfriend/wife. Maybe we're not interpreting right, but it all seems a bit weird indeed.

 

 

Yes, Annia, definitely many comments totally not interpreting right, pulling assumptions of out the sky whilst being flat out rude and offensive and mostly about a situation I wasn’t even seeking advice on. It’s been an interesting observation of human behaviour.

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