Giblesp Posted February 16, 2018 Share Posted February 16, 2018 Thank you for the advice but I don't demand you speak a certain way and I'd appreciate the same respect back. You give your advice you how like and I will give mine how I like. And I personally am not a fan of people who cheat and blame the other person, it is low, very low. And if a woman told you she'd been beaten by her partner would you tell her to get some 'nads?' Of course not. You didn't even notice that he'd been beaten. You just focus on the stripper, and forget the fact that this man has been physically assaulted, emotionally abused. You are the equivalent of the man who tells the abused woman that its her fault. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Giblesp Posted February 16, 2018 Share Posted February 16, 2018 Exactly! Cheating to "escape" a bad relationship is just about the weakest thing one can do in a relationship. A huge sign of immaturity. Why did you fail to notice that this man has been physically assaulted? If it was a woman you'd notice, so why didn't you notice when a man is being abused? A huge sign of immaturity and a potential abusive tendency. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SherrySher Posted February 16, 2018 Share Posted February 16, 2018 I did not ignore that fact but if someone is a victim then go get the help they need! There are loads of options, therapists, psychologists, counselling, online help and forums, even making a police report..but first and foremost, end the relationship! You don't carry on, keep allowing yourself to be a victim and then sleep around with not one but two women and say you had to because of your partner. I'm sorry Giblesp but I don't see eye to eye with you at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostbutinlove Posted February 16, 2018 Author Share Posted February 16, 2018 ** Just a note but she and I have faught seriously maybe 4-5 times in the course of the relationship, we both decided to get therapy and when I went and got therapy - she got mad that we didnt do it together. Im still getting therapy and I urged her to get therapy as well but everytime we fight and agree to do so, she does not follow through on it. Im not sure why but I suspect its because of the stigma ** Sherry to your point, I acknowledge that it was immature and just plain ed up. Getting physically abused is not an excuse to cheat, and I was not trying to justify it, but give some context for the events that happend in an objective way so i can really get some objective help from the community. Belittling me, although warranted, does not solve my problem. I think what might be fair to her - since I made the mistake: I was thinking about proposing this solution: Lets just be friends and I will stick by her and help her find someone else. Going forward we can hang out as friends but not get intimate. We will still hang out so she doesnt have to be alone, and we will just keep it our little secret until that day she finds someone else. Once she finds another guy, I will disappear. Until then I will stick by her side. I will not date during this arrangement until she finds someone else. What do you guys think? Is this dysfunctional? Am i just trying to rationalize what I did and make up for it in a feeble attempt to make myself feel better about what i did? Option 2 - just break up and end things and tell her everything Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted February 16, 2018 Share Posted February 16, 2018 Extremely dysfunctional! "Help her find someone else"??? How would you go about that? This has to be one of the strangest "plans" I've ever heard of. Do you seriously think she's agree to something so wacky? Does she know you cheated? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostbutinlove Posted February 16, 2018 Author Share Posted February 16, 2018 Extremely dysfunctional! "Help her find someone else"??? How would you go about that? This has to be one of the strangest "plans" I've ever heard of. Do you seriously think she's agree to something so wacky? Does she know you cheated? No she doesnt. I just cant even imagine how she would feel. She is super sensitive and so am I. I just cant bring myself to tell her - im obviously not good at relationships and probably shouldnt be with anyone right now, I know. Just trying to find a solution that minimizes risk of hurting her. If we have to break up, id rather her not know so she doesnt blame herself for me cheating and id rather carry the weight of the guilt for the rest of my life myself, if that is the cost Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SherrySher Posted February 17, 2018 Share Posted February 17, 2018 You need to tell her you cheated anything else is again wasting her time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pleasedonot5 Posted February 17, 2018 Share Posted February 17, 2018 I think you should break up. No reason to tell on yourself, but no use staying in a relationship that isn't meeting your needs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Giblesp Posted February 18, 2018 Share Posted February 18, 2018 I did not ignore that fact but if someone is a victim then go get the help they need! There are loads of options, therapists, psychologists, counselling, online help and forums, even making a police report..but first and foremost, end the relationship! You don't carry on, keep allowing yourself to be a victim and then sleep around with not one but two women and say you had to because of your partner. I'm sorry Giblesp but I don't see eye to eye with you at all. If a woman was getting assaulted up by a man, I'd think she'd have every right to take some joy in life elsewhere. That applies to a man also. Its called sexual equality. At least the stripper didn't start beating him up afterwards. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Giblesp Posted February 18, 2018 Share Posted February 18, 2018 ** Just a note but she and I have faught seriously maybe 4-5 times in the course of the relationship, we both decided to get therapy and when I went and got therapy - she got mad that we didnt do it together. Im still getting therapy and I urged her to get therapy as well but everytime we fight and agree to do so, she does not follow through on it. Im not sure why but I suspect its because of the stigma ** Sherry to your point, I acknowledge that it was immature and just plain ed up. Getting physically abused is not an excuse to cheat, and I was not trying to justify it, but give some context for the events that happend in an objective way so i can really get some objective help from the community. Belittling me, although warranted, does not solve my problem. I think what might be fair to her - since I made the mistake: I was thinking about proposing this solution: Lets just be friends and I will stick by her and help her find someone else. Going forward we can hang out as friends but not get intimate. We will still hang out so she doesnt have to be alone, and we will just keep it our little secret until that day she finds someone else. Once she finds another guy, I will disappear. Until then I will stick by her side. I will not date during this arrangement until she finds someone else. What do you guys think? Is this dysfunctional? Am i just trying to rationalize what I did and make up for it in a feeble attempt to make myself feel better about what i did? Option 2 - just break up and end things and tell her everything You need to stand up to abuse. Otherwise it will continue to happen. Even when you come on to a forum, women start getting aggressive towards you and you are agreeing with them! Learn to say no, otherwise it will continue. They have to know that you will stand up for yourself, or they will always find an excuse to treat you bad. You were physically assaulted, thats a crime. That could put her in prison. Do you understand? Thats how serious it is. She got mad about therapy, because she is mad. She can't stop being angry and abusive. When are you going to step away from the madness? Do you enjoy feeling this way? Stand up for yourself, walk away from dysfunctional people. We get what we tolerate. Sorry to be so direct. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IAmFCA Posted February 18, 2018 Share Posted February 18, 2018 No she doesnt. I just cant even imagine how she would feel. She is super sensitive and so am I. I just cant bring myself to tell her - im obviously not good at relationships and probably shouldnt be with anyone right now, I know. Just trying to find a solution that minimizes risk of hurting her. If we have to break up, id rather her not know so she doesnt blame herself for me cheating and id rather carry the weight of the guilt for the rest of my life myself, if that is the cost Don't tell her. Nothing constructive will come of it. Do extract yourself from this situation. Sometimes it needs to be said directly: You are allowed and expected to put your interests first. In fact its your job. How does this relationship serve you? Time to go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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