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No need to be rude


NIN2000
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10 minutes later, in the presence of the officer, I️ turned back to the nurse and simply asked if she liked the chocolate I️ gave her last time we spoke. Again, her faced turned angry and intense and without looking at my stated that “she’s not a chocolate person and doesn’t care for sweets”. (However, originally when I️ met her she was elated when I️ gave her the chocolate but now it was reverse).

 

Trying to figure out what was going on, I️ apologized and told her that my intention behind the chocolate held no malice. I️ then asked her if she had a break during her shift and maybe we could go get coffee at the cafeteria and just talk for a few minutes. She responded by stating that she was seeing someone and thought that my offer was inappropriate.

 

I️ apologized for the chocolate, for seeking to speak with her over coffee and further expressed that I️ go to lots of hospitals and throughout the years have made great friends with numerous doctors, nurses and hospital staff and was only seeking to expand on the friendship list. I️ further stated that I️ know nothing of her and was not trying to seek her hand in marriage or disrespect her. I️ concluded by wishing her a goodnight and promised not to take any more of her time.

 

 

Come on OP, why can't you own that you were interested in her? Were hoping to get a date with her? I mean it's quite obvious and there is nothing wrong with that, so not sure why you're denying that, and instead claiming you were only trying to expand on your "friendship list." lol

 

Not sure if I would call her response rude, more like "blunt, direct and to the point."

 

She wasn't appreciative of your continued efforts to talk to her, or get coffee with her or anything else.

 

She probably has many men "hitting" on her (for lack of a better word) and has found that remaining friendly just results in leading them on. So she has learned to be more direct so that doesn't happen.

 

Perhaps it came off rude, but honestly sometimes it's necessary otherwise men get the wrong idea, think we're interested, and won't leave us alone.

 

You know it's kind of a double edged sword. When a woman is blunt and direct the way she was, she's called "rude."

 

On the other hand, when we remain friendly and chatty, men assume we're interested so ask us out. When we decline because we have a bf or for any other reason, we get accused of being a "tease" and misleading him!

 

That happened to me the other day. Was friendly/chatty with my new neighbor (male), at the end of the conversation he asked me to get drinks on Friday, and I turned him down (I have a bf).

 

Some of the male posters on this forum criticized me and faulted me for being friendly talking to him! Telling me by talking to him, I was misleading him. We were both waiting for the elevator for chrissakes, what should I have done, stood there in silence when he tried to talk to me? Of course had I done that, I would have been called "rude."

 

Sometimes we just can win, I swear. :D

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I don't know--I can definitely understand the OP's confusion and slight indignance here. There is quite a wide gulf of degrees between being super warm and friendly and being a total ice queen. I mean, sure, she doesn't owe him anything for accepting his chocolate bar, but it was obvious by her immediate reaction to seeing him again and that she knew he was interested. It is also obvious that she has no problem being assertive. So why didn't she shut him down then?

 

In my opinion if she were a somewhat nicer person here's how that second interaction would have gone.

 

OP: "Oh hi, good to see again."

 

Her: "Oh, hi."

 

OP: "Did you enjoy that chocolate I gave you?"

 

Her: "Yes. That was kind of you, thank you."

 

OP: "So, I was wondering if you'd like to get some coffee."

 

Her: "No thanks. You seem like a nice guy but I have a boyfriend and I'm not interested."

 

Now, here's where things go one of two ways. Maybe the OP respects that, backs off, and that's that. Great. Message received and no need for unpleasantness.

 

However, if he won't get the message, that's when I don't blame her for turning into the Ice Queen and essentially telling him to eff off. But why immdiately go to that? She doesn't technically owe the OP anything but he is a human being after all.

 

Now, OP, to answer the question of why she was so friendly and happily accepted your gift, only to do a 180 the next time she saw you? Well, so far the answers you've gotten are either that she was stressed and having a bad day or that she's sick of guys hitting on her and not getting the hint. Both are fine theories but I think they are off base. What I think is with your first interaction she knew you were interested. She wasn't interested back but she thought she probably wouldn't see you again so she happily allowed you to stoke her ego and affirm her sexual market value. However, when she DID in fact run into you again, she decided to quickly and coldly shut all that down.

 

Hold your head up and move onto a nicer woman.

 

Sent from my SM-G920P using Tapatalk

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You know it's funny. After she turned him down for coffee and told him she had a BF, instead of saying something like "ok no problem" and graciously walking away, he proceeded to tell her he "was only trying to expand on his "friendship list," wasn't seeking her hand in marriage nor disrespecting her."

 

And he is accusing her of being rude? lol

 

Totally snarky and defensive response. He was burned because she rejected him, and was trying to play it off that he only wanted "friendship."

 

Bottom line is it wouldn't have mattered how she turned him down. Blunt, nice whatever.

 

She rejected him and he was burned. Sounds like he still is! Hence this thread.

 

My opinion.

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You know it's funny. After she turned him down for coffee and told him she had a BF, instead of graciously walking away, he proceeded to tell her he "was only trying to expand on his "friendship list," wasn't seeking her hand in marriage nor disrespecting her."

 

And he accused her of being rude? lol

 

Totally defensive response. He was burned becsuse he was rejected and it wouldn't have matter how she turned him down.

True, but I think he was still kind of reeling by her reaction and the 180 she'd pulled and honestly at that point just wanted to clear the air after their initial very pleasant interaction. It's not as if she just politely informed him that she had a boyfriend--she was pretty rude about it and then rather bizarrely accused him of being "inappropriate" as if he should have somehow just have known that.

 

Now, she would have been more justfied in that if she has told him that during their initial conversation. So, OP, did she tell you that? Because if she did that kind of changes things.

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Also, I'd add this: if she takes her relationship with her boyfriend so seriously that she is basically clutching at her pearls and retiring to her fainting couch over a man asking her to coffee then why was she basking in the OP's attention and accepting gifts from him when they'd first met? You can't say that she didn't know what was happening, otherwise she wouldn't have immediately turned on the ice machine the moment she saw him the second time.

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Krankor you gotta see it from the woman's perspective though.

 

I've met men like OP before. I am pleasant at first, then for whatever reason, I find them creepy and shut off. I'm not obligated to be "nice" am I? When I find a man creepy?

 

Instead of taking the hint, they proceed to *push* under the guise of wanting to be *friends* and it's really annoying!

 

No offense to OP, but I sensed the creep factor and her annoyance simply by reading his post! Between the chocolate, him showing up in her work area again, the entire interaction seemed creepy.

 

His behavior was almost cringeworthy. Not intentional on his part but that's how it came off.

 

"That" is why she responded the way she did.

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Krankor you gotta see it from the woman's perspective though.

 

I've met men like OP before. I am pleasant at first, then for whatever reason, I find them creepy and shut off. I'm not obligated to be "nice" am I? When I find a man creepy?

 

Instead of taking the hint, they proceed to *push* under the guise of wanting to be *friends* or in his case clearing the air, and it's really annoying! And it's creepy.

 

No offense to OP, but I sensed the creep factor and her annoyance simply by reading his post!

 

His behavior was almost cringeworthy. Not intentional on his part but that's how it came off.

 

"That" is why she responded the way she did.

That makes sense, but I'd ask you to see things from the male perspective as well. We are still the ones expected to take the risks and put ourselves out there while women basically get to sit back and be the gatekeepers; saying either yes or no. Now your role as gatekeeper means that here and there you'll have to deal with a guy who is way too persistent about getting through that gate. That can't be fun. But it's also not fun having to always risk rejection in order to find love and sex, especially with the attitude some women seemingly have that certain guys should just somehow know better than to even approach them.

 

As far as you finding a guy "creepy" no, you aren't under any obligation to that man. However, what you need to realize is that your assessment of him has to do with your own feelings and isn't necessarily an accurate reflection of him as a human being. He could be a wonderful citizen, employee, son, brother, uncle, etc. There is just something about him that YOU specifically don't like. That's fine. But treating him like garbage over a "feeling" you have about him is kind of mean. It's your right, but it's still pretty mean. Like I said in my original post, if the guy won't take a hint, let him have it. He brought it on himself. But I just don't think it's at all necessary to default to that.

Edited by Krankor
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Honestly, as a nurse. I barely have time to chat with my patients and their family. Sometimes I work with very ill people and all I want is to sit by them, talk and hold their hand as they’re terrified and I try my best to, but when your other patient is crying in pain and needing medications and a new patient waiting assessment you can’t. Healthcare is so so hard.

 

Not to mention the verbal and physical abuse we experience almost daily. The physical and mental exhaustion of it all.

 

Patients die, you do what needs to be done take a breath and move on to the next room where someone needs you.

 

Pretty long winded way of saying...it’s hard.

 

And it’s her job.

 

It’s inappropriate to try to small talk and distract someone (multiple times!) while they are working (even if it looks like they aren’t). Yes she was rude, but you were inappropriate. And you really don’t know what was going on in her day.

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She's mad. Only a mad person would act that way. She doesn't warrant any further attention from you, for the rest of your life.

 

Don't continue talking to people who act like this, you'll only justify her behavior in her mind. If everyone walked away from her, eventually she would have to put on her big girls blouse and start to take emotional responsibility for herself, or be very alone.

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Honestly, as a nurse. I barely have time to chat with my patients and their family. Sometimes I work with very ill people and all I want is to sit by them, talk and hold their hand as they’re terrified and I try my best to, but when your other patient is crying in pain and needing medications and a new patient waiting assessment you can’t. Healthcare is so so hard.

 

Not to mention the verbal and physical abuse we experience almost daily. The physical and mental exhaustion of it all.

 

Patients die, you do what needs to be done take a breath and move on to the next room where someone needs you.

 

Pretty long winded way of saying...it’s hard.

 

And it’s her job.

 

It’s inappropriate to try to small talk and distract someone (multiple times!) while they are working (even if it looks like they aren’t). Yes she was rude, but you were inappropriate. And you really don’t know what was going on in her day.

 

No he wasn't inappropriate, he was being polite and she had no reason to act like a spoiled little child.

 

Being a nurse is a tough job, but if its going to turn someone into a rude, angry person then perhaps they should get another job.

 

Everyone has a tough life and has to go through stuff.

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Krankor you gotta see it from the woman's perspective though.

 

I've met men like OP before. I am pleasant at first, then for whatever reason, I find them creepy and shut off. I'm not obligated to be "nice" am I? When I find a man creepy?

 

Instead of taking the hint, they proceed to *push* under the guise of wanting to be *friends* and it's really annoying!

 

No offense to OP, but I sensed the creep factor and her annoyance simply by reading his post! Between the chocolate, him showing up in her work area again, the entire interaction seemed creepy.

 

His behavior was almost cringeworthy. Not intentional on his part but that's how it came off.

 

"That" is why she responded the way she did.

 

He had a 10 minute conversation with because he was attracted to her. She, we must presume, was talking back to him for the full 10 minutes He gave her some chocolate, which she accepted.

 

Well that's some real creepy behavior right there. Quick, call the police. Hire a lawyer.

 

 

 

The next time a woman stares at me in a sexual way while I walking down the street with a GF, I'll be sure to notify the Green Berets.

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@Krankor, come on she didn't treat him like "garbage." That's such an over-exaggeration.

 

She was just very blunt, she was at work for heaven's sake! His persistence was very much "inappropriate" and annoying!

 

I understand the risk men take when approaching women, and personally when a man approaches me, I am always pleasant.

 

But a man showing up while I am busy at work? And persisting (pushing) the way he did?

 

And for anyone who doesn't consider his behavior pushing, read his post again and imagine yourself as the woman. Trying to do her job and this man is there bringing her chocolate, continuing to talk to her, asking her to take a break and get coffee.

 

Yes that was very much "inappropriate."

 

He thinks her response was rude? Under the circumstances (her being at work, her initial rebuff, him continuing to push) he's lucky she just didn't tell him to get the f*** out of her face.

 

"That" would have been rude not what she said.

 

And to the OP, this bs about your wanting to add to your "friendship list" come on.

 

No one is buying that, none of us are nor did she.

 

I appreciate you were attracted and were hoping to get a date, but not while a woman is working. Not many women are going to positively respond to that.

Edited by katrina1980
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It's simple to be kind to a stranger in passing, but when he shows up again--on her job where she's already stressed--she used coldness to signal that she's not up for a replay.

 

I'd have read the coldness as her 'back off' signal rather than persisting and cornering her into further conversation. Nothing good could have come from that, and your view of her as rude is likely irrelevant to her. She's a nurse, and sometimes rudeness goes with the territory. It's her station, and she's made it clear that she's not there to play, so move on.

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Putting myself in her shoes (not difficult) when you first saw her at the hospital (while she was working) weeks back and gave her the chocolate, she was simply being polite by having a pleasant convo with you.

 

She may have thought your approach was "creepy" though, even then, you have NO idea how your approach came off to her.

 

Then when you showed up in her work space *again,* I can imagine her first thought being "ugh, there is that creepy guy again."

 

She KNEW what was up, what your 'game' was, she's not stupid.

 

Hence why she was "cold." She didn't want to encourage anything.

 

ETA: catfeeder just explained it perfectly.

Edited by katrina1980
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Agreed with catfeeder and Katrina.

 

Like I said posts ago, this whole interaction felt a bit creepy to me too.

 

I’ve told this story here (eNA) before, but I’ll tell it again. I was at a bar with some coworkers and some of their friends. One of them kept hitting on me. Blatant, rude, sexual comments. I started polite. Then I said I’m not interested. Then he tried to convince me why I should be interested. I tried to be polite but continued to get more icy.

 

Eventually he said “if I got you drunk enough, I could just carry you home without an argument”

 

EXCUSE ME?

 

I snapped. I yelled at him in the bar.

 

So, men, sure. We can start polite. My success rate is low, as is the success rate of other women on this board.

 

Take the hint the first time. Maybe the second time. Or even the third. But we do not owe you our kindness if we feel uncomfortable.

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You females are strange and it sucks that it took me forever to figure your gender out. He was being nice by giving her a bar but little did he know that he creeped her out. Then he was caught like a deer in the headlights when he saw her again.

He should never have been nice to her. He would have done better by being mean. He should have been cocky and arrogant. That works. Being nice doesn’t.

I very seriously doubt you have "figured the female gender out".

 

First of all, people are people and gender doesn't really denote much about a person. So making a lot of assumptions about people based on their gender is pretty stupid.

 

It isn't really "being nice" when you have expectations of how the other person should respond.

 

I get so tired of the "nice guy" bullsh*t.

 

Nice guys don't finish last. Guys that act a certain way and then become entitled from that act finish last.

 

You sound very bitter with the female gender. Maybe stop acting nice in an attempt to have sex with a female and you might have a better shot with a more positive interaction.

 

To the OP.

 

Honestly giving chocolate like that is a little different.

 

In my mind I would think that she acted that way because she assumed you had ulterior motives.

 

Being at work and having someone do something different like that will make most anyone be suspicious as to the motive.

 

If you are ever in a situation where a person is at work there is an imbalance in social interactions, especially if you are the client.

 

So she has her hands tied a bit in regards to telling you off. That can make some people very uncomfortable.

 

Did you honestly have absolutely zero ulterior motives here?

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He would have been better off being a total jerk to her and giving her expensive chocolate was one of the worst things he could have done.

 

Read his post, the "expensive" chocolate he gave her was a $2.00 candy bar! LOL

 

But I digress. No we don't like "jerks" but we don't like men who "pester" us at work either. Or anywhere else.

 

There's a happy medium in between those two things, something you might wish to learn and master since clearly you're not having much success. :p

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Up is down and down is up in your world and the world of most females. I’ve finally figured this out and know do not be nice to females.
I understand you are a troll but I am sure you are trolling about this because it does actually bother you a lot.

 

You are so very insecure. Even reading your posts, it disgusts me how pathetic of a person you must be.

 

To have so much hate...

 

Well I am sorry but the reason all woman respond the same to YOU is because of your personality.

 

I am not a "nice guy".

 

I do nice things for my wife all the time. Since we started dating. She always responds very well to me being nice.

 

Her friends are pretty jealous of her, even though their line of thought is terribly flawed. But I actually get a lot of attention for all my efforts at making my wife happy.

 

When I am nice I get a lot of attention from the opposite gender.

 

So maybe it is just you?

 

Or maybe your are just an entitled and selfish person and think because you were "nice" with a large amount of expectation that the woman should have had sex with you.

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I have several hot females chasing after me. I have you figured out based on that alone.

 

BS on people being people. Females have warped logic. Guys don’t.

 

You’re right that nice guys don’t finish last. Nice guys don’t finish at all. I was the nice guy until I turned 33 and I was a damn virgin at 33. Then I became mean. Since then females are competing for me and I haven’t pick.

 

I’ve gotten plenty of female attention at work but never be being nice.

 

You prove once again that female advice is horrible.

 

whatever. you so don't get it.

 

however, if your goal in life is to have superficial, shallow involvement with people, women included, and if you have zero concern about having a positive impact on people you meet - then you're right. There are plenty of people who will entertain themselves with you.

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I have several hot females chasing after me. I have you figured out based on that alone.

 

BS on people being people. Females have warped logic. Guys don’t.

 

You’re right that nice guys don’t finish last. Nice guys don’t finish at all. I was the nice guy until I turned 33 and I was a damn virgin at 33. Then I became mean. Since then females are competing for me and I haven’t pick.

 

I’ve gotten plenty of female attention at work but never be being nice.

 

You prove once again that female advice is horrible.

If you attract woman using your PUA crap all you are doing is getting the bottom of the barrel woman.

 

Low quality people with no self esteem. Who will sleep with the next guy that manipulates them just like you.

 

Even picking up such trashy people like you are bragging about chasing you is a testament to how pathetic you are.

 

Sleeping with and manipulating such weak willed and pathetic people is below me.

 

Essentially stealing candy from a baby...

 

Plus, given your PUA ideals you will have such a pathetic quality and quantity of sex.

 

Try having sex with a confident and intelligent woman once in your life and you might not ever be content with sleeping with your regular stock of pathetic woman that are easily manipulated by PUA crap.

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It wasn’t a cheap Hershey bar. I don’t care what you say that you want. I look for what you respond to. Buying you chocolate is a terrible idea. I’d tell you to buy your own chocolate.

Happy medium lol. I’m now at least 99 percent jerk and it’s so easy to get female attention.

I have hot females competing over me. How is that not having much success? LOL

 

I agree with you. I don't want chocolate! I don't want any gifts especially from some strange dude who approached me at work!

 

And excuse me but you don't know "me" or what I respond to.

 

I don't know who all these "hot" women are who are chasing you, but given your attitude here, I can only surmise that they must not be right in the head.

 

Insecure, low self-esteem, low value.

 

But hell if those are the type of chicks you go for, have at it!

 

Have a blast! :p

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