Reading too much into Ex's actions

[sonar40]

I do get it, but i'm still a bit stuck thinking what this all means, if you could see this all happen from a bird's-eye view or something. Do you agree with me that she is only trying to lessen her guilt of the breakup by doing this, like i am thinking? I really gotta stop thinking about this, i know that in weeks time i slap myself in the face again for thinking stupid things haha. But really, unblocking me like literally after i told her that we cannot be friends (she thought we were) and after just a bit over month of NC this. I already know what she has to say too and i am fine with it, knowing that she has regrets already takes some weight off my shoulders. I want to move on and have some clarity to this so i can stop thinking about this. I think the only type of response i could ever send to her would be something like this:

 

"Hi, i don't think we have anything to talk about anymore. You made your choice and i hope you are fine with your decision. Wish you all the best. If you ever change your mind and want to work on things, give me a call."

 

I think that should basically tell her that i'm not interested in any games, friendships, support or anything else. I really want to move on and show it to her too. I do think ignoring 100% isn't the way to go, i'm not that type of a person, so that just wouldn't seem legit. This message from her just messed with my mind, i know i will be better again in a few days. (ps. The line i wrote might sound familiar from somewhere.. heh)

 

Its irrelevant what she means by doing that - you could be right, could be wrong. The problem now is you obsessing over something that is completely irrelevant. Ok lets say you are right and shes doing it to lessen guilt - what difference does that make, nothing. All it has done is set you back in recovery.

 

You want to move on and show it to her? No you move on for you, and show her damn all. What she thinks, feels, does is only wrecking your head. You need to stop obsessing over this. Blocking her has nothing to do with the type of person you are, this is your time now to heal you. Contact from her is just making things worse. You have a choice - Allow it to happen or dont. Its hard i know but its the only way, you must block her and anybody to do with her now and focus on you and you only. You dont owe her anything and do not need to tell her anything for if you do you will end up messing your head up more. No excuses, make the choice now, block her!

[IndianaBones]

Its irrelevant what she means by doing that - you could be right, could be wrong. The problem now is you obsessing over something that is completely irrelevant. Ok lets say you are right and shes doing it to lessen guilt - what difference does that make, nothing. All it has done is set you back in recovery.

 

You want to move on and show it to her? No you move on for you, and show her damn all. What she thinks, feels, does is only wrecking your head. You need to stop obsessing over this. Blocking her has nothing to do with the type of person you are, this is your time now to heal you. Contact from her is just making things worse. You have a choice - Allow it to happen or dont. Its hard i know but its the only way, you must block her and anybody to do with her now and focus on you and you only. You dont owe her anything and do not need to tell her anything for if you do you will end up messing your head up more. No excuses, make the choice now, block her!

 

I'm sure that i'm not going to contact her. I rather stick to the NC that i have been building up. Already feel better, not as confused.

[sonar40]

I'm sure that i'm not going to contact her. I rather stick to the NC that i have been building up. Already feel better, not as confused.

 

Thats good but youve left the door open for her to contact you. And when she does it will just undo all the hard NC work you had achieved and potentially put u back at square one. You might say u dont think she will contact then blocking her is something u must do - this is all to ensure that 100% focus is on you. Close the door and block her. I dont want to be saying i told u so when it happens.

[IndianaBones]

Thats good but youve left the door open for her to contact you. And when she does it will just undo all the hard NC work you had achieved and potentially put u back at square one. You might say u dont think she will contact then blocking her is something u must do - this is all to ensure that 100% focus is on you. Close the door and block her. I dont want to be saying i told u so when it happens.

 

Well, just hit the fan. Made another thread on "Getting back together".. Oh good god, guess i'll just have to go through it to learn. I have a hunch that none of this is going to end up well, but atleast i am prepared and know what to do after.

[No1]

OP... I see a few things going on here.

1. You are still confused about the break up. Its natural and understandable. Part of you accepts the break up and then there is the part that wonders why. Then its like two minds are chasing one another in a fight for what is going to dominate. Sometimes the calm part that accepts that "its over" wins and the other time the inquisitive side wins. I like to think its like looking at a watch. Sometimes you look at the face of a watch and accept the time it displays. Then other times you look inside the watch and try to figure out what is going on and why, but never knowing what time it is.

2. You are chasing your Xs feelings and actions and ask why. This comes with the part of being confused. You are trying to figure out what she is doing, why she is doing it and is there a meaning behind it and if there is a meaning behind it, what is the meaning. By the time you narrow your answers down from a million to 5 good ones, she does something else and the decoding starts all over again. That just takes up too much brain power my friend. Ive been there and it takes so much out of you and all you are left is confusion.

3. You have not fully decided what you want from your X. You can call me a liar and say that you have pointed out that you love her but cant be just friends. (I know this mentality, its either all or nothing) And I get you. The last thing you need is to see your X with another guy and as a 'friend' you will see that. So thats good that that is what you want. Problem is, you are still leaving the door open and as long as that is open, you are going to be in limbo. Its okay to decide and tell her, that you cant be a friend, but then you have to stick to it. If she wants you, she will just have to earn you back instead of saying "Im here, lets get back"

 

I know its hard to cut all communications from an X. Its way easier said than done. But also youll have to change your mindset on break ups. She is an X and that means you dont have to decode or decipher or decrypt anything she does. Thats the beauty part of being an X. You are no longer obligated to worry what she does or thinks. She let you go and she has to live with that. In the end you will be happy again and odds are its going to be with a different girl. And thats okay, if that what life has planned for you then you must accept that is possible. What you do is move forward with you life and place yourself in a position that if your X ever wants to come back into your life. You can give yourself the option of accepting her or saying no thank you. Who knows, you could of met the girl of your dreams by then and say thanks but no thanks, Im happy where I am.

[sputnik123]

No1 has it absolutely spot on here.

 

Wonderful post. :)

[IndianaBones]

OP... I see a few things going on here.

1. You are still confused about the break up. Its natural and understandable. Part of you accepts the break up and then there is the part that wonders why. Then its like two minds are chasing one another in a fight for what is going to dominate. Sometimes the calm part that accepts that "its over" wins and the other time the inquisitive side wins. I like to think its like looking at a watch. Sometimes you look at the face of a watch and accept the time it displays. Then other times you look inside the watch and try to figure out what is going on and why, but never knowing what time it is.

2. You are chasing your Xs feelings and actions and ask why. This comes with the part of being confused. You are trying to figure out what she is doing, why she is doing it and is there a meaning behind it and if there is a meaning behind it, what is the meaning. By the time you narrow your answers down from a million to 5 good ones, she does something else and the decoding starts all over again. That just takes up too much brain power my friend. Ive been there and it takes so much out of you and all you are left is confusion.

3. You have not fully decided what you want from your X. You can call me a liar and say that you have pointed out that you love her but cant be just friends. (I know this mentality, its either all or nothing) And I get you. The last thing you need is to see your X with another guy and as a 'friend' you will see that. So thats good that that is what you want. Problem is, you are still leaving the door open and as long as that is open, you are going to be in limbo. Its okay to decide and tell her, that you cant be a friend, but then you have to stick to it. If she wants you, she will just have to earn you back instead of saying "Im here, lets get back"

 

I know its hard to cut all communications from an X. Its way easier said than done. But also youll have to change your mindset on break ups. She is an X and that means you dont have to decode or decipher or decrypt anything she does. Thats the beauty part of being an X. You are no longer obligated to worry what she does or thinks. She let you go and she has to live with that. In the end you will be happy again and odds are its going to be with a different girl. And thats okay, if that what life has planned for you then you must accept that is possible. What you do is move forward with you life and place yourself in a position that if your X ever wants to come back into your life. You can give yourself the option of accepting her or saying no thank you. Who knows, you could of met the girl of your dreams by then and say thanks but no thanks, Im happy where I am.

 

Hi, thanks for the reply. She hasn't contacted me after the contact she initiated. She wanted to talk with me and told me she had only started dealing with the breakup. She was surprised that i was doing better already and told me that she is hurting everyday and asked me for forgiveness about the breakup itself and the way she handled it and because she didn't give me another chance. She would have liked to talk with me more, if i'd liked, but i told her basically that there is nothing to talk about and talking wouldn't help anyone. She didn't really agree with me, because she would have still liked to talk more. I didn't forgive her, just told her that i respected her telling me that she is sorry. Probably was just to ease her guilt. I told her that things could be better between us and so on and she agreed, but she didn't bring up getting back together or anything else either. She was just sorry.

 

Been in NC after that, haven't heard from her at all. Not even asked my friends or our mutual friends about her. I am getting better, but obviously this thing made a dent in my progress, but i think i would have felt worse if i didn't respond to her at all. She saying that she is sorry actually helped me a bit. Going to stick to it. Still quite lost, processing the breakup. Didn't think it would be this hard. I do miss her and her family too, as i spent basically 1/4 of my life with them. I watched all her siblings grow from age 0 to where they are now and it just makes me sad that i won't be there watching them growing up. Like 50% of my family taken away in an instant. Damn, this sure is hard.