Jealous insecure bf

[snowsnowsnow]

Hi everyone. I am having an issue with a really jealous and insecure boyfriend. We've been together for 7 years. I have seen this side of him before but usually we worked past it. I just moved in with him last year, but we are both moving in back to our families because of money issues. He is 20 and I am 23. I am going on a vacation with my sister this summer for 10 days. Ever since I told him about it, he has been really snappy and short tempered with me. This is all making me really anxious and actually dreading the vacation with my sister. I mean I am excited for it with her, but I am scared and anxious and nervous to deal with him while on the trip alone. I know he will be texting me and calling, which is ok....but usually in the past the texts have been mean. Or trying to make me upset. He told me he is upset I am going because he doesn't like being left out, and that his family always leaved him behind on trips. He says he hates sitting around and watching me get to do everything and go on vacations while he is sitting at home. But the thing is, after this, we spoke and decided to plan another 10 days vacation with just him and me. I thought this would make him happier, and I am super excited for it. But he keeps on being negative.

 

Every time I bring up his and my trip, he connects it to my sisters and my 10 day trip for some reason. He asked to see my airBNB where my sister and I are staying and I showed him, and he freaked out that we would be sleeping in the same bed...its my sister. I don't get why he is acting like this. I would never cheat on him, and have never given him a reason to think that. But he has told me he is worried about me cheating. He has cheated on me before. But stupidly I forgave him. I just wish he wouldn;t take out his anger on me because he always gets left behind. He and I went on a nice trip last year together and the year before that, he went in a trip with my sister and I....so i am including him. I don't understand why he says I am leaving him behind, especially when we booked a ten day trip together for this year. My sister and I wanted to do this trip together because we haven't gotten much time together. So we just would like to go alone. I would never care if he went anywhere alone on a vacation. He has been on a trip before and I didn't harrass him about it. I just wanted him to have a good time. I just want to know how do I deal with this? I don't want to leave him....its so hard. But I am loosing it by having to deal with this everyday. I just want him to be happy for me. And what is his problem? Why am I ok with him going out but when it comes to me going out, he has a fit. I wish he can just appreciate that we are going on a trip together this year...he keeps thinking about my sisters and my trip for some reason. He has always been like this when it came to me taking trips with my family....and I feel that when I am on a trip with my sister, he is going to ruin it for me by texting me mean things like he usually does. I just would like to talk to him about the trip without him freaking out. I would just really like him to care and be happy for me. Is there anyway I can make him change? THanks for any answers in advance.

[DanZee]

Are you sure you still want to be dating someone who is so immature and controlling that he's giving you a guilt trip for having a vacation with your sister? The cheating accusations sounds like he's starting to develop an abusive personality. The three-year difference in age probably allows you side-step some of his tactics, but you're reporting the early effects of emotional abusive, such as you being "scared and anxious and nervous to deal with him while on the trip." He is setting a pattern he will repeat throughout his life: whenever someone doesn't do what he wants he will pull a tantrum, start an argument, and start raging and exploding until that person backs down and gives up any attempt at independence. His protest against your vacation also acts to isolate you from your sister and future tantrums will attempt to keep you close to him by protesting any attempts by you to see family and friends. Think about it. Has he been pulling this act when you've tried to do other things that he didn't like?

 

I think at this stage you should be rethinking your relationship with him, and when you move out you should think about breaking up. You guys were just kids when you started dating and he is changing for the worst. You might find it difficult to break up with a childhood friend, but for your own self-esteem and independence, you need to get out of this relationship before it gets worse.

[ThatwasThen]

He's untrustworthy so he thinks you are as well. He's afraid you're going to do to him, what he did to you.

 

You two should call an end to this relationship unless you plan on getting into couples therapy to get you back on the right track. You can't even handle living together due to finances but you're going on all these trips with and without him?

I just moved in with him last year, but we are both moving in back to our families because of money issues.

You two also need to do some growing up and learn how to save and budget. Why don't you break up rather then just stop living together. No point in couples therapy at this point so save your money on that.

[indea08]

I agree with the above posters. There is no reason to continue this relationship.

 

I also feel bad for your sister, as she is going to have her trip ruined due to your catering to your whiny boyfriend.

 

Time to be an adult and cut this baggage loose.

[Iggy5129]

You got together when you were 16 and he was 13? Weird.

 

I think this relationship has run it's course.

[melancholy123]

You've been with this immature whiner since he was 13 and you were 16? That's a big part of your problem, he has not grown and matured yet. The male brain doesnt quit growing until age 25 so he's got years to go. He's a control freak too, which is not what anyone wants or needs in their life. I think this relationship has run it's course and most likely each of you moving back home will be the best thing ever as you can then move on from him to someone who is on your wavelength and maturity level.

 

He sounds like a whiny baby because you are going on holiday with your sister. He needs to get over it. You indulge him too much which is a form of enabling. Time to end this as it's not working. Have fun with your sister on holiday! Shut your phone off so he cant pester you.

[Hollyj]

You should have dumped the creep, after he cheated on you!

 

Why in the hell do you put up with this controlling, insecure nonsense? Stop enabling this creep, and dump him!!!!!!

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately he sounds way too immature for you. More like a spoiled brat. He can't upset you if you delete and block him and find a mature decent guy. No you can't fix or change him. Don't babysit boys, date men.

He is 20 and I am 23. I feel that when I am on a trip with my sister, he is going to ruin it for me by texting me mean things like he usually does.

[katrina1980]

OP, you are 23, HE is 20, you say you have been dating for seven YEARS?

 

That would make him 13 years old when you started dating!

 

This seems unreal to me, did you mean to say seven *months* instead?

 

In any event, he is WAY too immature to be in a "relationship.."

 

There is NO doubt that HE is the one cheating and his jealousy/insecurity stems from that, he is projecting.

 

Quite common actually.