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Family doesn't care for me


chedge05
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I just need advice. My wife and me, we split up last year, a couple of times, because of issues that were resolved. Her mom sat down and talked to me and basically said don't do it again, splitting up and getting back together isn't a joke, and you two need to decide if this is truly what you want. We split up a month ago because there were separate issues that needed to be solved, which we are both working on.

We got in touch after being apart for a month, things were going really good and we were planning on working through things and getting back together. She told her mom the good news, and her mom says I am not allowed around anymore, and her dad won't talk to her. She was torn and I told her that I would go and to choose her family always.

 

I'm heartbroken, torn, numb. She says she will try talking to them but doubts they will budge on how they feel. Is there anything I can do? I don't want to let her go, when things were starting to turn around for us finally.

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Her mom sat down and talked to me and basically said don't do it again, splitting up and getting back together isn't a joke, and you two need to decide if this is truly what you want.

 

Her mom is correct. Either commit to the marriage 100% or walk away - you are married, not dating in high school. If you have to resolve issues by always separating instead of talking them out, maybe you should not be married. What did you do when you were just dating and you had a disagreement? did you break up? So either commit fully, go to counseling so you can figure out how to communicate and stay married or divorce.

 

Her parents will soften in time if you prove you are there for the long haul - which you haven't - and that might take years of commitment. They are the parents and they don't want their child's heart broken all the time - "breaking up a couple of times" does not fly in a marriage. You already told her to choose her parents over you -- what are you going to do now?

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You two are NOT good for one another if you keep breaking up and getting back together. If you WERE good for one another, you wouldn't be breaking up at all.

 

Stop talking to her altogether now and stay gone so that you both can heal and stop this perpetual torturing of one another.

 

wow, that is REALLY harsh! People break up and get back together all the time, and its easy to say "just walk away and stop talking to her" but she is his WIFE, not some girl he's been banging on and off for a few months. This is their life..real life, and real life is hard and messy sometimes. If she is worth the fight..then fight for her! You are married to her not the parents, screw what they say!

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I don’t think it is harsh at all. If you can’t stay in the same place and discuss something as married people what is the point? As married people you don’t break up every time you come to a contentious point. That means you aren’t meant for each other . And as a parent that’s a horror story to watch this keep happening to your child . And her parents every right not to participate in that . If they don’t want you around that’s their right. They don’t want there to see their child hurt over and over and over and over . And truthfully as a parent I wouldn’t want to see that either . Marriage is not running away every time you don’t agree .

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wow, that is REALLY harsh! People break up and get back together all the time, and its easy to say "just walk away and stop talking to her" but she is his WIFE, not some girl he's been banging on and off for a few months. This is their life..real life, and real life is hard and messy sometimes. If she is worth the fight..then fight for her! You are married to her not the parents, screw what they say!

 

Not "harsh" at all. Just straight up observations without fanfare: I'm just not going to offer them enabling dialogue because its beyond that now. For all you know they are breaking up because he cheats (or she does) or one of them is in and out of jail or there is physical abuse going on or mental health issues that one or the other can't handle so it's reckless for you to tell them that they should try AGAIN when you don't even know why they are breaking up and no matter what the reason, people who are in a functional, healthy relationship don't keep breaking up.

 

Two people that are meant to be together do NOT break up and get back together as a lifestyle. They both need to get help for their codependency and inability to resolve conflict as a mature and emotionally healthy team.. Going no contact now will help them rehab from their addiction to one another because by the action of the two of them it's not love but codependent addiction. They are not good together as their history has plainly pointed out so at this point no contact other then about divorce papers being signed is in both their best interests.

 

Op: What ARE these issues that keep causing you to break up with one another as a lifestyle? Why don't you resolve as a team while together instead of separating?

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Not "harsh" at all. Just straight up observations without fanfare: I'm just not going to offer them enabling dialogue because its beyond that now. For all you know they are breaking up because he cheats (or she does) or one of them is in and out of jail or there is physical abuse going on or mental health issues that one or the other can't handle so it's reckless for you to tell them that they should try AGAIN when you don't even know why they are breaking up and no matter what the reason, people who are in a functional, healthy relationship don't keep breaking up.

 

Two people that are meant to be together do NOT break up and get back together as a lifestyle. They both need to get help for their codependency and inability to resolve conflict as a mature and emotionally healthy team.. Going no contact now will help them rehab from their addiction to one another because by the action of the two of them it's not love but codependent addiction. They are not good together as their history has plainly pointed out so at this point no contact other then about divorce papers being signed is in both their best interests.

 

Op: What ARE these issues that keep causing you to break up with one another as a lifestyle? Why don't you resolve as a team while together instead of separating?

 

agreed...........

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