Jump to content

Family doesn't care for me


chedge05
 Share

Recommended Posts

I just need advice. My wife and me, we split up last year, a couple of times, because of issues that were resolved. Her mom sat down and talked to me and basically said don't do it again, splitting up and getting back together isn't a joke, and you two need to decide if this is truly what you want. We split up a month ago because there were separate issues that needed to be solved, which we are both working on.

We got in touch after being apart for a month, things were going really good and we were planning on working through things and getting back together. She told her mom the good news, and her mom says I am not allowed around anymore, and her dad won't talk to her. She was torn and I told her that I would go and to choose her family always.

 

I'm heartbroken, torn, numb. She says she will try talking to them but doubts they will budge on how they feel. Is there anything I can do? I don't want to let her go, when things were starting to turn around for us finally.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Her mom sat down and talked to me and basically said don't do it again, splitting up and getting back together isn't a joke, and you two need to decide if this is truly what you want.

 

Her mom is correct. Either commit to the marriage 100% or walk away - you are married, not dating in high school. If you have to resolve issues by always separating instead of talking them out, maybe you should not be married. What did you do when you were just dating and you had a disagreement? did you break up? So either commit fully, go to counseling so you can figure out how to communicate and stay married or divorce.

 

Her parents will soften in time if you prove you are there for the long haul - which you haven't - and that might take years of commitment. They are the parents and they don't want their child's heart broken all the time - "breaking up a couple of times" does not fly in a marriage. You already told her to choose her parents over you -- what are you going to do now?

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

You two are NOT good for one another if you keep breaking up and getting back together. If you WERE good for one another, you wouldn't be breaking up at all.

 

Stop talking to her altogether now and stay gone so that you both can heal and stop this perpetual torturing of one another.

 

wow, that is REALLY harsh! People break up and get back together all the time, and its easy to say "just walk away and stop talking to her" but she is his WIFE, not some girl he's been banging on and off for a few months. This is their life..real life, and real life is hard and messy sometimes. If she is worth the fight..then fight for her! You are married to her not the parents, screw what they say!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don’t think it is harsh at all. If you can’t stay in the same place and discuss something as married people what is the point? As married people you don’t break up every time you come to a contentious point. That means you aren’t meant for each other . And as a parent that’s a horror story to watch this keep happening to your child . And her parents every right not to participate in that . If they don’t want you around that’s their right. They don’t want there to see their child hurt over and over and over and over . And truthfully as a parent I wouldn’t want to see that either . Marriage is not running away every time you don’t agree .

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

wow, that is REALLY harsh! People break up and get back together all the time, and its easy to say "just walk away and stop talking to her" but she is his WIFE, not some girl he's been banging on and off for a few months. This is their life..real life, and real life is hard and messy sometimes. If she is worth the fight..then fight for her! You are married to her not the parents, screw what they say!

 

Not "harsh" at all. Just straight up observations without fanfare: I'm just not going to offer them enabling dialogue because its beyond that now. For all you know they are breaking up because he cheats (or she does) or one of them is in and out of jail or there is physical abuse going on or mental health issues that one or the other can't handle so it's reckless for you to tell them that they should try AGAIN when you don't even know why they are breaking up and no matter what the reason, people who are in a functional, healthy relationship don't keep breaking up.

 

Two people that are meant to be together do NOT break up and get back together as a lifestyle. They both need to get help for their codependency and inability to resolve conflict as a mature and emotionally healthy team.. Going no contact now will help them rehab from their addiction to one another because by the action of the two of them it's not love but codependent addiction. They are not good together as their history has plainly pointed out so at this point no contact other then about divorce papers being signed is in both their best interests.

 

Op: What ARE these issues that keep causing you to break up with one another as a lifestyle? Why don't you resolve as a team while together instead of separating?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Not "harsh" at all. Just straight up observations without fanfare: I'm just not going to offer them enabling dialogue because its beyond that now. For all you know they are breaking up because he cheats (or she does) or one of them is in and out of jail or there is physical abuse going on or mental health issues that one or the other can't handle so it's reckless for you to tell them that they should try AGAIN when you don't even know why they are breaking up and no matter what the reason, people who are in a functional, healthy relationship don't keep breaking up.

 

Two people that are meant to be together do NOT break up and get back together as a lifestyle. They both need to get help for their codependency and inability to resolve conflict as a mature and emotionally healthy team.. Going no contact now will help them rehab from their addiction to one another because by the action of the two of them it's not love but codependent addiction. They are not good together as their history has plainly pointed out so at this point no contact other then about divorce papers being signed is in both their best interests.

 

Op: What ARE these issues that keep causing you to break up with one another as a lifestyle? Why don't you resolve as a team while together instead of separating?

 

agreed...........

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

  • Top Discussions this Week

  • Our picks

    • How to tell if a Man REALLY Cares About You (or not!)
      Learn a SUPER easy way to tell if a guy is trying to build a real relationship with you... or if he's just attracted to you and wanting something casual. Does he really love me? How do I know if he wants a relationship? Is he just looking to hook up? I get asked questions like these ALL THE TIME by clients, students and women in my life... so I created a video explaining the KEY QUESTION to ask to determine what a man truly wants, and 5 ways to spot his true motives in his actions.

       
      • 0 replies
    • Will a good man do this for his woman if he loves her?
      Will a good man do this for his woman if he loves her? What to expect from a “GOOD MAN” Some emotional think good men are hard to find. Many women think god men longer exist. As a dating coach I’ve found that the expectations we have and the standards we establish play a big big part in if we will ever find love or marriage. Women often take crap from men because their standards are low. Low standards lead to a lot of romance and sexual engagement but very few quality relationships. The equal and opposite extreme is just as much if a hindrance though. Women having standards that are too high for men to live up to often lead to women failing to find the love they are desperately hoping for. Some women are saving themselves for marriage. For them dating can be even harder because less men these days are willing to wait. In this video we discuss if a good man is willing to wait till marriage.

       
      • 0 replies
    • Prevent Male Manipulation From The Start!!! (First Date Strategies)
      Prevent Male Manipulation From The Start!!! (First Date Strategies)
      • 0 replies
    • Doing THIS Ruins Intimacy With Your Ex
      In this video Clay Andrews discusses the primary cause of a lack of intimacy between you and your ex. There is a lot of advice out there that will tell you that you need to put on an act or play hard to get with your ex in order to get them to like you. However, how are they supposed to actually connect with you and feel an intimate connection if you’re not being honest and transparent yourself? More so, why would they be open and honest with you if you’re putting on an act and pretending to be something or someone you are not? One of the biggest factors in creating intimacy is being willing to take the first step and showing that you are able to pen up yourself.

       
      • 0 replies
    • What it takes to be truly brave - it’s not what you think
      What it takes to be truly brave - it’s not what you think
      • 0 replies
×
×
  • Create New...