Used as rebound: cannot get over it

[Lambert]

 

So it's a case of being in love with love, and it's a matter of transferring some of that love to your Self instead of projecting it onto someone who doesn't deserve it.

 

Head high, you can do this.

 

love this catfeeder

[Lambert]

Hi everyone, I think things have stayed the same...keeping busy with no contact (it’s nearly been 1.5 months). I’ve been talking to other guys but still not dating anyone (I feel quite emotionally available after this experience and want some time alone) and have been working on other parts of my life.

 

But I’ve been feeling something strange over the past week or so...like I want to reach out to him to say hi, or just to ask how he’s settling into his new life in the new location. I think he’s seeing someone new and whilst it doesn’t make me feel over the moon, and the thought does hurt, I’m also not sure whether it’s just because I’m clinging onto the idea of who he was.

 

Deep down a part of me wonders whether I still have real feelings left for him or whether I’m just stuck with the infatuation of who I thought he was after he left. To tell the truth, in some ways he’s really becoming a distant memory other than who I keep him as in my head. At the same time, I’ve seen more from him since getting dumped which makes me think he’s a lot more flawed and less special than who he was in my mind whilst I was with him.

 

I largely feel like the reason I’m tempted to reach out is due to a lack of closure and ending on bad terms. But I’m worried that it’s because I’m not fully over him either. I don’t know, I’m confused...

 

What should I do? Should I drop him a line to check up?

 

I’ve just never really cut someone out from my life so suddenly and ended on bad terms and it makes me feel very unresolved. There’s also still questions in my head which I know I’ll never have answers for so even though I ask them, I no longer expect to know the truth/closure from him just for the fact that he was just as confused back then.

don't look back....

 

i feel like i could have written this.... feeling better, wonder... i think I still care... i don't need a test... he doesn't need an opportunity to hurt... ESPECIALLY if he is seeing someone else... there's no way I'd go near that.

 

no one is saying you can't address all of this if he contacts you. unless i missed that somewhere.

 

keep GOING! wonder about your own future.

[catfeeder]

I largely feel like the reason I’m tempted to reach out is due to a lack of closure and ending on bad terms. But I’m worried that it’s because I’m not fully over him either. I don’t know, I’m confused...

 

What should I do? Should I drop him a line to check up?

 

Noooo, skip that. Shoot for the skill of impulse control. Look up the word 'decathect,' and make it your goal instead of operating on some emotional abstraction that won't buy you anything beyond a setback of the progress you've made.

 

There's no need to bully yourself into regarding your feelings of love for anyone as invalid, but rather gently coax yourself into accepting that some people are best loved from far away and without an attempt to influence their perceptions of you. That only tends to backfire in ways that keep you feeling lousy while not exactly making a great impression on them of someone who knows when to let go.

 

With every thought about the guy, question whether you want to talk yourself into holding on and making your move forward more difficult, or whether instead you'd rather talk yourself into pride in ownership of the coping skills to move yourself ahead of where you were when you formed unrealistic ideas and expectations of someone who doesn't own the qualities you imposed.

 

Head high, move forward, and you'll thank yourself later.