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should i keep trusting him?


chloe1882
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hi iv been in a relationship cor about 5 years. we have a really loving relationship and he is a fantastic step dad to my kids from a previous marrage. we have had our ups and downs but last year was really hard with work issues, a death in the family etc etc.

I found out in january that he had been talking to other women online. the conversations were sexual in nature and hed did send images of himself naked to one girl. we talked it over and agreed to give things another go. At the time i asked him if there was anything else i needed to know. i found out yesterday he has ran up a few debts. in fairness its not a massive amount and can be sorted with some juggling of things but he has taken out loans etc without telling me. what would you advise. should i trust him again??????

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Sorry to hear this? Where is your child's real father? Unfortunately it seems he enjoys a double life. Do you live together and share household finances? What were the loans for? Escorts? Gambling? A car? Taxes? You need to ask. Whose house is this? Do you co-own, rent? In the mean time check your own credit and go over any household bills. Do you have any joint accounts, asset, etc.?

hed did send images of himself naked to one girl. i found out yesterday he has ran up a few debts. in fairness its not a massive amount and can be sorted with some juggling of things but he has taken out loans etc without telling me.
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What has happened that he is not able to meet living expenses? You mention work issues - was he out of work? If there were good reasons to take out the loans to cover the bills, then it is what it is. If you are not married, he doesn't have to discuss his financial decisions with you even if you are living together.

 

As for contacting other women, sending pics.....honestly.....I'd be thinking about walking away from him. Unless he is doing something concrete to address his issues and what drove him to do this creepy stuff, you have no reason to trust him and there is no guarantee that he won't do it again if stressed. I mean if this is how he deals with stress, you've got a serious problem with him.

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I am so sorry, it must be hard facing all this, especially when a kid is involved, but I would rather be worried for the kid being around this man... Honey, you can't possibly have a "loving relationship" while he is having a double life, and how could he be a role model to your son while he is having so much issues??? Just please think, I know it is painful, but leaving him now maybe will spare the you from some more pain...

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While trying to decide if you can or cannot trust him again, you cannot not consider what it is like for him, and what is pushing him to do those things. The answer to your questions is therefore, things unchanged as they are, no, you cannot trust him because he is unconsciously driven to meet his needs elsewhere.

 

This is why I am saying, but look at his side of the moon, get into his motorcycle boots. And do so without judging. Be accepting of what he's feeling. Why he feels he needs to do those things. Looks like sex life isn't satisfying. Extra money is basically needed to find pleasure in some things he can buy, because he doesn't get that satisfaction out of living with you. He may need novelty and excitement like all men. Accusing him that he's being a d-i-c-k isn't solving anything. Help him meet his needs without crossing the boundaries, and he'll be your man again, loyal and trustworthy.

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While trying to decide if you can or cannot trust him again, you cannot not consider what it is like for him, and what is pushing him to do those things. The answer to your questions is therefore, things unchanged as they are, no, you cannot trust him because he is unconsciously driven to meet his needs elsewhere.

 

This is why I am saying, but look at his side of the moon, get into his motorcycle boots. And do so without judging. Be accepting of what he's feeling. Why he feels he needs to do those things. Looks like sex life isn't satisfying. Extra money is basically needed to find pleasure in some things he can buy, because he doesn't get that satisfaction out of living with you. He may need novelty and excitement like all men. Accusing him that he's being a d-i-c-k isn't solving anything. Help him meet his needs without crossing the boundaries, and he'll be your man again, loyal and trustworthy.

 

Are you serious? He is not a child!

 

He should NOT be taking out loans without his wife's knowledge, as this affects her. If he is having issues with the marriage, he should be talking to his wife, nor sending d$ck pics and talking dirty. Where has responsibility gone in this day and age! Unbelievable!

 

OP, the online thing would have been enough for me. The loans would certainly have sealed it. He is not trustworty!

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While trying to decide if you can or cannot trust him again, you cannot not consider what it is like for him, and what is pushing him to do those things. The answer to your questions is therefore, things unchanged as they are, no, you cannot trust him because he is unconsciously driven to meet his needs elsewhere.

 

This is why I am saying, but look at his side of the moon, get into his motorcycle boots. And do so without judging. Be accepting of what he's feeling. Why he feels he needs to do those things. Looks like sex life isn't satisfying. Extra money is basically needed to find pleasure in some things he can buy, because he doesn't get that satisfaction out of living with you. He may need novelty and excitement like all men. Accusing him that he's being a d-i-c-k isn't solving anything. Help him meet his needs without crossing the boundaries, and he'll be your man again, loyal and trustworthy.

 

Oh goodness ... :eek:

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