Early dating - did I screw it up?

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately, your first impression was correct. Why continue to date someone who you repeatedly find "annoying"?

I walked out feeling quite exhausted and annoyed His hard science approach to things tired out and annoyed me and I remember thinking I'd just be more annoyed down the road.

[Batya33]

Im sorry, but the fact that he didn't remarry says nothing. It means that maybe he took time to work on himself and didn't immediately. My guy had a serious relationship that ended 15 years ago and never met anyone lasting after because he took 2 years to not date anyone and then got a job that involved lots of travel, working afternoons when he was home which made it nigh impossible to meet someone and was in a male dominated field where dating colleagues was forbidden (as if there was more than 3 women). He one day decided enough was enough and seriously rearranged things so he could meet someone. If i held him by the same measure as you do, i would have rejected him. When in fact, it is better that he didn't end up in a long relationship with someone who wasn't a match just to be in a relationship.

 

Exactly. I used to get those judgments all the time when I was 38 and "still" single.

[catfeeder]

and been in touch with me multiple times a day writing me proper long messages.

 

This stands out to me as a problem. Viewing long texts as 'proper' sets you up to seek a BF who will behave like your girlfriends. Texts are texts. Quick touchbases. Projecting more meaning onto them and judging your compatibility with someone based on texting is focusing on the wrong stuff.

 

I'd confirm that you have the theater tickets and ask if he's still on. If yes, go and be charming, and if no, then invite a friend to go. Either way, I'd quit inventing problems, and I'd especially quit the idea that I now must remedy the problem I've invented.

[figureitout23]

Unfortunately, your first impression was correct. Why continue to date someone who you repeatedly find "annoying"?

 

Because he flipped the script and pulled back on her.

 

That's how I read it. OPer didn't really like him, felt comfortable being critical of his actions, probably because he was so available so she felt she had him, to be blunt. Him pulling away was a surprise and now she wants him.

 

Don't get me wrong, I think PUA is crap, but I'd be lying if I didn't recognize women do this.

[katrina1980]

Because he flipped the script and pulled back on her.

 

That's how I read it. OPer didn't really like him, felt comfortable being critical of his actions, probably because he was so available so she felt she had him, to be blunt. Him pulling away was a surprise and now she wants him.

 

Don't get me wrong, I think PUA is crap, but I'd be lying if I didn't recognize women do this.

 

You could be right about her wanting him now that he's pulled back, but don't get the sense he's PUA gaming her; he could be, just not my sense.

 

No disrespect to BW, but I think he simply realized she was too much "work" (for him anyway) and doesn't wish to pursue further.

 

I say that because he pulled back *immediately* after she responded "oh my dear I am not at all upset, you've done a wonderful job of reassuring me, I was really touched. I was busy with a,b,c."

 

First off she "was" still upset (or annoyed, turned off).

 

She also posted she had not answered his text because there was no "substance," so in addition to being annoyed by his offensive "jokes," her response was disingenuous.

 

He may have picked that up too. Her words did not match her actions.

 

Second, without intending to, her response came off a bit condescending (my opinion), not to mention all this is just WAY too intense for having only dated three short weeks.

 

That's my sense anyway, I could be wrong. If BW still likes him and wishes to continue dating him, I hope I am!

 

But to me, they just seem incompatible.

 

And apologies to BW for referring to her in the third person.

[figureitout23]

You could be right about her wanting him now that he's pulled back, but don't get the sense he's PUA gaming her; he could be, just not my sense.

 

No disrespect to BW, but I think he simply realized she was too much "work" (for him anyway) and doesn't wish to pursue further.

 

I say that because he pulled back *immediately* after she responded "oh my dear I am not at all upset, you've done a wonderful job of reassuring me, I was really touched. I was busy with a,b,c."

 

First off she "was" still upset (or annoyed, turned off).

 

She also posted she had not answered his text because there was no "substance," so in addition to being annoyed by his offensive "jokes," her response was disingenuous.

 

He may have picked that up too. Her words did not match her actions.

 

Second, her response sounded a bit condescending (my opinion), not to mention all this is just WAY too intense for having only dated three short weeks.

 

That's my sense anyway, I could be wrong.

 

They're just incompatible so probably for the best.

 

And apologies to BW for referring to her in the third person.

 

I agree. I also think he decided it was too much.

 

What I meant by mentioning PUA wasn't that, that's what he was doing but that those techniques work on some women. I won't give my opinion of why it works on some women because I don't want to be rude to the OPer and it's really not necessary for this post.

 

I think the only reason you care now, OPer is because he pulled away. He's now a challenge, but the fact still remains you weren't feeling it, he probably was but you kinda treated him bad so he bounced, something any normal and healthy man or woman would have done.

[katrina1980]

@ figureitout, re PUA, oh I get it now, and agree, tnx for clarifying!