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Is it normal to feel so bad after you break up with someone?


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I feel so bad right now, I broke it off with this girl Ive been seeing for about 5 months. We spent the holidays together, enjoyed every dates together, were compatible. She was a nice, sweet, quiet girl who didnt use social media at all which is hard to find nowadays. I really enjoyed every moment with her and we had plans to go on vacation to different countries. We got along well except for the fact that she was really clingy and wanted me all to herself, wanted me to text back within an hour of her texts even though I was busy etc...

 

Anyways, I have been stressed out with my life lately. I am still working a dead end job at my age (30) and living at home with my mom and taking care of her at the same time cause my dad left her. My mom has been struggling with her mortgage so most of my check goes to helping her with the mortgage since she doesn't want to give up the house.

 

This girl has already gotten her degree, got a good paying job, but she lives with her parents at age 34. She was looking for someone to settle down with right now, get married, have kids, and have a home together. I told her I wasnt able to provide that and my number one priority is helping and taking care of my mom, going back to school to get a degree leading to a better paying job so I can support myself financially aswell. She was understanding about it but a part of me told me to set her free cause Im not ready to give her what she wants and it would take years to be ready so thats what I did. I told her everything and she was understanding about it but she cried also. I told her it wasnt her, it was me.

 

Its been one day so far, I miss her so much, all Im thinking about is our last months spent together, our xmas adventures etc.. She literally gave the whole world to me, was always free to see me, would drop her plans to see me and I threw all that away.. I feel like I wont find someone like her again but it motivates me to better my life this very moment. Has anyone ever been through this? For some reason this hurts more than my last ex who dumped me. I feel like I let my soulmate go :(

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Well, yeah, you feel the worst possible pain there is when you break up with somebody, but did you tell her what you just told us, about your fears and your duties? Women can provide a great deal of support and together there's a chance that you can both accomplish your goals. If you wait until everything is in place, you'll be 40 and she'll be too old to have children. Maybe she could take care of your mom while you go to night school. Maybe if you pool your money, you can afford to have a baby in a year or two. Could you both move into your mother's house to live rent free for a while or with her parents? Couples help each other all the time and it sounds like she might be up for the journey. But it's up to her. If you change your mind, call her up and have a big discussion about this. Maybe you can work out a plan together for the future.

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I don't know, feels like you should have thought about this a bit more before cutting her loose. I agree with danZee... I mean, when you find someone special, all that nonsense doesn't matter (money, life, etc.). I mean, if you two are right for each other you make it work. But you didn't do that, or give it a chance to. You cut her off and probably crushed her in doing so. Nothing worse than spending xmas with someone and things and then dumping them a month later. Furthermore, this was still pretty early on, I mean, I think people should date a few years before engagement/marriage/mortgage talks. Was she rushing into these things, wanting to buy a house and start a family? If so, it's not really all on you that this ended the way it did. If you try to win her back, I don't know if she'll buy it. You can't just dump people and run back to them again.

 

You know, I'm kinda-sorta in a similar predicament to you. I have a mother who's been in and out of the nursing home and hospital for the past year, and due to that, I've stayed at home (turning 28 this month) helping her and my dad. So I 110% understand your predicament, and getting involved with women. But, you know, you are entitled to your own life as well. You don't have to quit living because your mom didn't plan things out financially well. Yes, that's hard to say considering your dad left her. But, you always gotta look out for yourself. Her mortgage isn't your responsibility, it's hers. If she can't afford it, maybe it's time to downsize until she can get back on her own two feet. One thing I want to warn you of, if you keep doing this, you could get stuck in a rut with her. She's gonna keep using you as a crutch. First it's the house, then cars, then food every day. And then you're in debt. My mom did it to me, started before she even had her health problems.

 

Just make a gameplan, if you want to finish school living with her, or do whatever. But plan for your own future; not for someone else's, mom included.

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If you communicated to your gf about her smothering behavior and she didn't improve, then I agree that breaking up was for the best. Most of the time, people feel bad for at least 4 months after a short term relationship like this, so what you're feeling is normal.

 

As for your mother, it doesn't sound like she's disabled and I'm assuming only in her fifties or sixties. It's okay to temporarily help her, but it's asking too much of a son to give up his independent living and giving money toward something he won't own just because she likes where she's living.

 

When I divorced, I had to sell and downsize to a smaller mortgage. Did I want to? No, but life isn't a bowl of cherries. Am I willing to help my parents in their elderly years? Yes, but they lived in a state I wasn't willing to move to. I told them they had to move to my city if they wanted me to bring them to the doctor and do shopping for them, etc., as they started having old-age health problems. I'm not sacrificing my happiness as to where I live for my parents. Helping them is a choice I make, but within reason, and they did move to live 10 minutes from me, about 4 years ago.

 

Besides that, at your age, you should have started to save for retirement. Your extra funds should be going toward that. You can't borrow money for retirement when you need it, and you don't want to work until you die. And dating will be harder when a woman finds out you live with, and support, your mother.

 

I'd probably start scouting out some cute, alternative places for your mom to live in, and give her a deadline to decide where she can move as per her new financial situation. Good luck.

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Your partner should be able to tell you their life goals, long term goals, and dreams. And when they do, it means, they want to get there together. I am not sure why you broke up with her. Was she demanding things from you, or expect you to do all of it on your own? I think you were jumping the gun with this one. It was only 5 months, so I doubt she's been expecting marriage anytime soon. You got scared, and don't feel you are good enough.

 

Reports show that in the US, only 35% of people under the age of 35 own their own home. Even though the economy in the US has picked up, income has barely budged. I think you need to tell them dumb little voice in your head to shush, and really just be in the moment with her. The right partner, you can make any situation work. There is nothing weird or embarrassing about people doing right by family and saving where possible.

 

Great time to sell now by the way! The market is showing housing will be heading down, so we are capping. Secondly, even though you are helping with the mortgage, you aren't building any equity.

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Sorry to hear this. It stings worse when it's bittersweet, doesn't it? For what it's worth, you took the high road and did the right thing.

she lives with her parents at age 34. She was looking for someone to settle down with right now, get married, have kids, and have a home together.
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I feel so bad right now, I broke it off with this girl Ive been seeing for about 5 months. We spent the holidays together, enjoyed every dates together, were compatible. She was a nice, sweet, quiet girl who didnt use social media at all which is hard to find nowadays. I really enjoyed every moment with her and we had plans to go on vacation to different countries. We got along well except for the fact that she was really clingy and wanted me all to herself, wanted me to text back within an hour of her texts even though I was busy etc...

 

Anyways, I have been stressed out with my life lately. I am still working a dead end job at my age (30) and living at home with my mom and taking care of her at the same time cause my dad left her. My mom has been struggling with her mortgage so most of my check goes to helping her with the mortgage since she doesn't want to give up the house.

 

This girl has already gotten her degree, got a good paying job, but she lives with her parents at age 34. She was looking for someone to settle down with right now, get married, have kids, and have a home together. I told her I wasnt able to provide that and my number one priority is helping and taking care of my mom, going back to school to get a degree leading to a better paying job so I can support myself financially aswell. She was understanding about it but a part of me told me to set her free cause Im not ready to give her what she wants and it would take years to be ready so thats what I did. I told her everything and she was understanding about it but she cried also. I told her it wasnt her, it was me.

 

Its been one day so far, I miss her so much, all Im thinking about is our last months spent together, our xmas adventures etc.. She literally gave the whole world to me, was always free to see me, would drop her plans to see me and I threw all that away.. I feel like I wont find someone like her again but it motivates me to better my life this very moment. Has anyone ever been through this? For some reason this hurts more than my last ex who dumped me. I feel like I let my soulmate go :(

 

Hmm. She always dropped her plans to see you. Was always available to see you. This does not sound healthy. Did she have friends or hobbies outside of you? Making you text her within the hour? Honestly that sounds like my hell lol. I haven't been in this situation per se but I feel like I'm usually on the receiving end of the "it's not you its me". Why won't she wait for u? You never know what can happen in six months. Maybe you will make some strides and you both can work it out. Sometimes distance does make the heart go fonder. And sometimes distance just puts more distance in between u.

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Glancing at your previous threads it looks like you have a habit of dating girls for a short period of time, ending it, and then regretting it later. This isn't the first girl you claim to be special.

 

Something is off about you. Best advice is to figure out what you want because you're all over the place. Definitely not emotionally available. Maybe calm down and learn to be single for a bit.

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