Jump to content

His best way to communicate


Mikaila
 Share

Recommended Posts

Hi all!

 

A question. When we are together we both have a lot of fun, we are playful, flirty, it is great.

 

However, when he replies to my texts, he never does that, actually he sounds (unless he uses emoticons or exclamations points, and he does it rarely) cold.

 

With calling it is better, but since we are still in the early dating stage the calls are short and we don't speak or texts every day.

 

It would be nice if could send random texts or links to funny things or similar, it would make me laugh and think of him and it would make me feel like I could do the same with him.

 

Is it wrong for me to want this in early stages? Am I being childish?

 

Is there a way for me to ask him which is the best way he communicates?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, he might just not be a texter. I've noticed that women seem to text a lot more than men. How is the relationship going otherwise? You were worried because you hadn't had sex with him yet, but you had also said you weren't ready for sex, that you still were feeling burnt from your last boyfriend, and that you hadn't invited him back to your apartment yet. Is this all part of you overthinking things again?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, he might just not be a texter. I've noticed that women seem to text a lot more than men. How is the relationship going otherwise? You were worried because you hadn't had sex with him yet, but you had also said you weren't ready for sex, that you still were feeling burnt from your last boyfriend, and that you hadn't invited him back to your apartment yet. Is this all part of you overthinking things again?

 

Ah ah! Probably! It is just, I don't seem to know how to really know someone. I mean with friends it is easy, I just go and ask with guys no. I can't seem to find a balance.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Agree it's the early stages, so just relax. He's already showing you the best way for him to communicate. A lot of people can't stand texting a lot, no less having to think up clever lines all day. He's not your personal clown.

It would be nice if could send random texts or links to funny things or similar, it would make me laugh and think of him and it would make me feel like I could do the same with him
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1. It never is wrong to want what you want.

2. It always is wrong to expect others will be able to sustain a lifetime of giving you what you want, if what you want is the opposite of what works for them.

 

Does this create an impasse? It doesn't have to.

 

3. How much do want what you want? In this example, texting style gives you a sense of caring, of emotion towards you. What if that isn't how he expresses emotion? Would you go to a Thai restaurant and ask for French cuisine? Probably not. Same thing here - if you want to know how he feels, learn to notice the ways he expresses emotion.

 

4. If you need to have texts the way you want them, then this isn't the man for you. I hope you'd try #3 instead of dumping someone who is otherwise of value to you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ah ah! Probably! It is just, I don't seem to know how to really know someone. I mean with friends it is easy, I just go and ask with guys no. I can't seem to find a balance.

 

Learn to watch, observe, listen. It takes a while, which is why dating is a useful way to slowly let someone unfold in front of you. Think of letting a flower bloom - as we do, instead of pulling its outer layer off to find the bloom - nobody does that, for good reason. It kills the flower. Same thing in dating. And in friends too.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Learn to watch, observe, listen. It takes a while, which is why dating is a useful way to slowly let someone unfold in front of you. Think of letting a flower bloom - as we do, instead of pulling its outer layer off to find the bloom - nobody does that, for good reason. It kills the flower. Same thing in dating. And in friends too.

 

Hi! Thanks. This is what it is difficult for me. I am trying. And no I would not stop seeing him for something like this. It is just a matter to get to know him.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi! Thanks. This is what it is difficult for me. I am trying. And no I would not stop seeing him for something like this. It is just a matter to get to know him.

 

I am very extroverted. Learning to be a better listener, and to be a better observer, has been an important skill for me to develop. I find I am more successful the more I am able to focus on the other person -- not on how i look, whether I am comfortable, what they really mean, whether they like me, etc etc. To simply rest in that moment and listen. It is, for me, a complex exercise that is much easier now than ever before.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Honey, life doesn't have to revolve around that phone. Life is in front of you. Put the phone down and live it.
This. No OP, I wouldn't say you are being childish, but it is a farfetched ideal. I wouldn't worry so much about texting, and would instead call or spend quality time with him when you interact. :)
Link to comment
Share on other sites

This. No OP, I wouldn't say you are being childish, but it is a farfetched ideal. I wouldn't worry so much about texting, and would instead call or spend quality time with him when you interact. :)

 

Thanks. At the moment we are seeing each other only once at week. And when we see each other it is fun but it is still not enough for me to feel that I get to know him.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks. At the moment we are seeing each other only once at week. And when we see each other it is fun but it is still not enough for me to feel that I get to know him.
Then work more personal / deeper conversations during your once-a-week hangouts with him.

 

Once a week seems pretty consistent to me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm not sure about consciously trying to have "deeper" conversations, but I do think if you're not getting a fix, try seeing each other a second night some week. If you're meeting once a weekend or something, why not ask him out on off-night as well?

 

Almost 4 years later, I'm still awful with texting my lady. I've also never liked talking on the phone. I get much more value from seeing someone and gradually investing more of my time in doing so as we progress. I also had my share of extra cirriculars and happenings with friends to invite her to that ideas for meeting twice a week really weren't hard to come by. Even just meeting up for happy hour on a Wednesday.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm not sure about consciously trying to have "deeper" conversations, but I do think if you're not getting a fix, try seeing each other a second night some week. If you're meeting once a weekend or something, why not ask him out on off-night as well?

 

Almost 4 years later, I'm still awful with texting my lady. I've also never liked talking on the phone. I get much more value from seeing someone and gradually investing more of my time in doing so as we progress. I also had my share of extra cirriculars and happenings with friends to invite her to that ideas for meeting twice a week really weren't hard to come by. Even just meeting up for happy hour on a Wednesday.

 

The same for me. Getting to know someone happens over time. A second night out can be very helpful, or a morning meet up for coffee or the gym. Opportunities to connect without it being heavy or analytical. Opportunities to "be", in your natural habitats. Deeper conversations have often been misleading, in fact. Nothing, and I have tried, but nothing substitutes for time.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, he might just not be a texter. I've noticed that women seem to text a lot more than men. How is the relationship going otherwise? You were worried because you hadn't had sex with him yet, but you had also said you weren't ready for sex, that you still were feeling burnt from your last boyfriend, and that you hadn't invited him back to your apartment yet. Is this all part of you overthinking things again?

 

Personally I would disagree. I understand where you are coming from and your anxiety is justified. When I started dating, I wouldn't let the lack of texting get to me. Eventually I discovered the guys weren't into me or no longer wanted to date. I don't know how other people do it, but when I've dated successfully, my bf and I text every single day.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Agree it's the early stages, so just relax. He's already showing you the best way for him to communicate. A lot of people can't stand texting a lot, no less having to think up clever lines all day. He's not your personal clown.

 

I agree with Wiseman. I would personally feel annoyed if you expected me to provide links to random funny things all day. Who has time for that? If you want to get to know him better, see him more!

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Personally I would disagree. I understand where you are coming from and your anxiety is justified. When I started dating, I wouldn't let the lack of texting get to me. Eventually I discovered the guys weren't into me or no longer wanted to date. I don't know how other people do it, but when I've dated successfully, my bf and I text every single day.

 

There is an old thread about text frequency in relationships. Some were daily, some every few days. Its not a consistent indicator of interest.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...