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Probable Aspergers strains.


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I agree with you...

I could not understand why her kid kept on beating on my smaller kid... A 16 year old giant hitting a little girl over and over... Just because she was a girl and maybe annoying to him...

However he had speech issue...walked in circles and repeated words...had imaginary friends...didn't shower...ate his own boogers...could not order a meal without using someone as a median... kept on hurting my kid.... I don't blame him or stereotype this kid.... However, shame on his mother for recognizing it and brushing it under the carpet... Eventually I confronted her.... She dismissed it all and assigned a name to it as Aspergers.... However he was always out of sight and out of mind.... She never gave a hoot about him nor made a single move to help him out... She did not care if he did his homework or if he ate dinner.. One time he went to school barefoot in winter, but the bus driver would not let him on the bus.... His safe haven was X box.... All day and all night....Out of mind and out of sight....

Then reporting her would have been good. Horrific mother.

 

However autism is not a psychological issue. It is a pervasive developmental disorder which is not a psychological disorder . And autistic people do experience love and express love and they do have empathy . However that boy was abused and any person who was abused can have problems showing empathy. That mother needed to be reported for child abuse .

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Then reporting her would have been good. Horrific mother.

 

However autism is not a psychological issue. It is a pervasive developmental disorder which is not a psychological disorder . And autistic people do experience love and express love and they do have empathy . However that boy was abused and any person who was abused can have problems showing empathy. That mother needed to be reported for child abuse .

 

Then I was wrong and agree with you on this.

I can see that it is developmental..

I asked her one time if she noticed that he was different in his early years... She said YES...However she did nothing to help him... She simply shoved him off and chased men instead...

When we broke up the first time, I took the time to study up on it....Just to be sure, and how I can help...

So when we got back together, I bugged her about it... She finally set him up with a school counselor because he was failing in school and she didn't check his grades...

But 3 months later it was over again between us... So I have no clue what has happened next? If she followed through with anything?

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Then I was wrong and agree with you on this.

I can see that it is developmental..

I asked her one time if she noticed that he was different in his early years... She said YES...However she did nothing to help him... She simply shoved him off and chased men instead...

When we broke up the first time, I took the time to study up on it....Just to be sure, and how I can help...

So when we got back together, I bugged her about it... She finally set him up with a school counselor because he was failing in school and she didn't check his grades...

But 3 months later it was over again between us... So I have no clue what has happened next? If she followed through with anything?

Thank you for caring about him. It is horrible that he had a mother who chose chasing people over her child .

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Well, after not seeing her since Saturday I heard off her today. In her usual completely logical way she fired me an email saying she was done and wanted her stuff back from mine just as I was about to go in to a morning meeting for a brief I'd picked up with a new company. I'm freelance, and this was an important new client. I struggled through the meeting as best I could, and sat down with them to do some work. I was surprisingly ok until lunch, and then I sent her a text to say I'd got the message with a sarcastic thanks, and that her stuff would be safe until she could collect it. Then as I went back to work I felt a huge panic attack coming on, and received a thank you text off her that totally failed to get the sarcasm in my text. This sent me over the edge. Making my excuses, I told the people I was working for that I had to go to another meeting elsewhere and that I would finish off the job from home. I struggled home hyperventilating, but managed to finish the work off ok. It amazes me that she could send a 'Dear John' email after almost a year and a half midweek at the start of the working day, and not be aware of the potential consequences. No phone call in the evening, or face to face on a Saturday morning over coffee, an email. I now know what mind-blindedness is, and I guess I can at least feel sorry for her. Something which she will never be able to feel for anyone else, quite clearly.

 

At home I removed the 'I love you' post-it note off my computer screen from a few weeks ago, as well as the postcard pointing out how amazing I was from a couple of months ago. All her stuff will be boxed up, including her Christmas presents to me, and left in the shed. I've been wishing that I had walked away from her over a year ago when she started telling me about her past, a past where her ex-husband was treated really callously. They tell you everything about their past, the sort of stuff most people would keep quiet about. I also said to myself that if she treated me like that, I'd walk out on the spot. I have a certain amount of pride that I did last weekend. I now realise thinking I could deal with probable aspergers was ludicrous, I've had experience with a lot of women and this one was exceptionally callous. I've been trying to work out just how much empathy she has, and it's little to nothing. She is clearly making up the deficit with logic from another part of her brain, she clearly has little understanding of compassion. I've never been treated so clinically in my life. I've started blocking her on social media, the usual stuff. I'm feeling like I want to cry, that I've been duped by someone mimicking emotions, and I probably won't sleep tonight. It's another failed relationship, and I only have myself to blame.

Edited by dave_1966
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Sorry to hear this. It sounds like it's been slowly falling apart for a while. You did the right thing packing her stuff up. There really is no good way to break up. Neat and clean is what she did, not dragging it out with drama, tears, arguing, etc. It's been coming on and this is just the final details of getting stuff, etc.

she fired me an email saying she was done and wanted her stuff back from mine. then I sent her a text to say I'd got the message with a sarcastic thanks, and that her stuff would be safe until she could collect it.
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I am sorry it didn't work out and from all I know it really depends on the person, NT or otherwise and how they present. Certainly ASD is a disorder and someone who is NT does not have that disorder but my impression - much of what was wrong here had little or nothing to do with ASD and just her way of dealing with conflict or her own stuff -and taking it out on you.

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Thank you for caring about him. It is horrible that he had a mother who chose chasing people over her child .

 

I fell in love with this woman... However, she showed me sides of her that only baffled me... And maybe because I genuinely have been looking for closure... Here is a bit of my story.... I am also aware that there are always 2 sides to every story, so I promise not to skew anything...

 

I am a single dad of 2 kids... My kids are by no means perfect... However I have never neglected them... And I am successful, therefore I have been providing for my kids quite well, but no way will I spoil them... I want my kids to learn and respect the concept of earning, no freebies here...No one gave me anything for free...I am not raising 2 entitlement seekers... As a single dad, I have done very well. I stay on top of everything and go the distance for my kids. Although my kids survived a divorce between me and their mom, still I never allowed my personal life to conflict anything in their lives…. And ultimately they are what I work for everyday… As it will be them carrying on as good citizens and pursuing their happiness….

 

I met her on MATCH.COM... At first she chased me beyond the universe...lol... I was the catch... All the glorious "honeymoon" stage things... The euphoria was high... But things did not click... And I should have probably walked away then... But I was blinded by what I thought was the truth, when in turn it was a smoke screen, and a load of lies... Not until 5 to 6 months ago (and after our final break up) that I realized that I was actually dating either a Narc or a sociopath of some sort... And as much as I saw the red flags, I turned the other way…. Maybe because I have empathy and give people the benefit of the doubt… And maybe because of that, people take advantage of me…. However, I woke up and set boundaries… Boundaries she did not like…. And it all ended…

 

What did not click for me, was mostly the way she treated her kids and talked about her EX husband and other EX’s... Her kids were not important…. They were as if out of mind and out of sight... As if they had no existence and as if they were a burden... Her number 1 priority was to focus all her time on me... Chasing me... Trying to win me... I was the trophy along with my life, or the life I could give her, that she so badly desired... These kids were basically raising themselves... 2 older girls 20 and 19 raising a 16 year old and a 7 year old... I seriously at that time thought that all of this, that sort off did not add up, that it was normal… And I guess maybe because I chose to look the other way, as things seemed so intoxicating with her, I felt that I was under a spell, and I did not want to wake up…. She was proud that her ex-husband was still in love with her… Felt as if she had him wrapped around her fingers… She announced that she dumped them all… Left them all hanging in the wind… However she played such a great character of being this loving and caring person…

 

None of her relationships worked out previously (obviously) and I was fresh out of a divorce... However she has been prowling the market for years: men after men, they came, they went... Just no one has signed up...Or perhaps some tried, but woke up in time to run… And I was dumb enough to be that one....

 

At first I saw that the children had issues... The 2 older girls did not like me from the get go and continued that until it was over. To be honest I realized later on that those kids liked no one and there was a pure reason to it all... There were so many men that come and gone, and probably she behaved the same with each man, neglected those kids.. No wonder these kids were so negative.. All they wanted was love and precious time from their mother.. All they received was push back.... And one of them, the 19 year old has extreme social anxiety... She would hide in her room all day sleeping and would stay up all night making wigs for fun... She would not work, or have any friends... No boyfriends, nothing... Complete loaner detached from society...Could not function beyond the walls of the house... Smart girl, all best grades, but no direction in life...She did on-line education because she could not enter a school building... I urged my ex to take her to see a counselor or a mental health specialist, but it was dismissed… Excuses….

 

The 16 year old boy, he is the Autistic one... Oh boy...where do I begin... You probably seen it all... What really triggered my thoughts of how he was neglected, is when I did go to her house, I always made sure to see him... And here is what bothered me... He was always engulfed in X box... His room stunk so bad that I would open his window (always)... Old rotten food and sticky soda pop stains invited bugs into his bed... His sheets were stained and probably not washed for years... He harbored a mountain of soda pop cans in his room, a collection of spoons, forks, bowls and plates... Some probably been there for days (as I visited every so often and found the same issue to be re-occurring)... (No wonder that she had no dishes in her kitchen cabinets).... He had dirty clothes all over the floor that he recycled and wore over and over... He was out of mind, out of sight... And she cared less… This child was a burden… He was a problem to her… She did not care whether he wore socks in winter to school, or not… He was always dressed poorly… She focused more of her time on buying clothes for herself than making sure the kids had adequate clothing…. Especially that boy… She had no real concern for him…

 

I took him with me a few times to do things together and that is when I discovered a lot of his behaviors... It was clear to me that no one took the time to develop this young man correctly…

 

So, I confronted her about the girl and the boy over and over... She dismissed it all... As if it was normal... I asked of his and hers early youth, but she dismissed it with maybe Asperger’s for the boy and maybe some social issue with the girl.. But that's about it...It all seemed normal to her... I was a bit shocked as she smoothly changed the subject and conversations about how it will be like when she moves in with me...

 

And like a dummy I allowed it... They all moved in with me and my kids... This saga continued, however I begun to see the real her and more issues surfaced with her kids... It was "All about her", "Her dreams", "Her better than OK life"....

 

I did not know what I got myself into yet, but I was beginning to feel that I was being submerged in the sea of misery....

 

It all eventually ended and of course I was to be blamed for it all... I was the villain and she was the victim... I had no choice but to ask her to move out... And the true Narc finally emerged out to the surface... The emotional game just picked up pace... And she was out to make my life hell…

 

Eventually after almost 8 more months of this abuse, I finally called it quits for good....

 

I realized that was with a NARC... I began to educate myself, and everything has been spot on... It was all about her and her needs... Those kids suffered a lot and I feel bad for them... They have seen their mom spend countless years chasing men and shove them off into a corner... To top it off, totally neglect and dismiss their disabilities... She is fully aware that those kids are begging to be loved... They just want mom's attention... Her focus is elsewhere....

 

Anyways, I tried to help... I hoped to be that someone better to enhance their lives... I could no longer endure the abuse from her and it was affecting my children’s well-being as well.... After me, it was only a week or so, and she was already with her new found love.... I don't know if those kids will ever get any help?????

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People with Aspergers DO feel bad. Sometimes the showing of empathy is different not that there isnt any.

 

THIS.... sometimes people on the spectrum might appear to lack empathy... that doesn't mean they don't have any. It also doesn't mean that they can't be taught. I work with people that are higher on the spectrum (many people with ASD are brilliant coders) and more often than not they want to know how they impact the people around them, so they can modify their behaviors or actions if needed.

 

That all being said... I am sorry you are going through all of this OP, I can see you tried to have compassion for this person and you did the best you could.

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