Sometimes it takes less time than we think. Happy again!

[Thani]

Hi guys.

 

A few months ago I was a avid reader here and I did post my story, my progress and my struggles here. Not so many posts, actually, but quite a few. So just a veeeery short summary:

 

I was together with my ex-fiance for over 8 years, he cheated on my with a woman he met on tinder, fell in love with her and led me on for MONTHS because I was so SO deeply in love with him. He couldn't decide between the two of us and it nearly broke me. I really wanted him back, I read all those Ex-Back eBooks, tried NC, LC and so on. Always hoping that one day he would come back to me. And even when I accepted the end of our old relationship I always thought that one day we would be back together again.

I was like "maybe I'll find a new love but I hope this will be just a phase and so we can be a couple once more".

 

The whole "I can never love/kiss/hug anyone as I did (with) my ex" concept was my whole being for months, lol. He was my first love, that was probably a big part of it. He was also my best friend and we were together for a LONG time.

I was sooo desperate for months, losing a lot of weight, hating myself for not being stronger, asking myself "why can't I just hate him???"

 

I rented my own place, worked on myself and became "ok" once again. Not happy (yet), but I accepted the situation and became stronger. Much stronger, actually. I started dating again (online dating) when I felt stable enough but I soon felt that I would probably need more time to open myself to another person again. I thought that I would probably stay single for 2-3 years. I was wrong. 9 months after the DoomDay I met a guy, who was so kind and sweet and... good. We met each other a few times and fell for each other quite fast. I was very careful in the beginning because I didn't want to hurt him. I almost broke all contact with him because of that.

But he didn't give up. He was understanding my situation, very patient and knew (still knows) that all I needed was time.

 

We're together now. It's still quite new (barely 2 months) but it's so beautiful and different. I never thought that I would find someone so quickly. And when I think about it now I understand that he is a much better match for me than my ex ever was. He's a better person, much more mature and it's a fresh start.

 

I never thought I would say this but: No more Ex-Back for me. Never. Even if this relationship doesn't work out - I will never nearly kill myself for someone else again. There are other people out there, people who will like (and ultimately love) us, people who didn't break us, who didn't leave us, who deserve our love. Why should we go back to our cheating, leaving exes anyway?

 

I wish you all the best. You will get better. I almost lost hope, believing I would stay single for a very long time. But in the end it just took a bit of luck and courage.

But you have to work on yourself first. You have to understand the reasons why the relationship didn't work out (in the end) and you have to be open for someone else.

[Carus]

Great post. Thanks for sharing*

 

It's a great reminder to be patient with our healing....coz boy it can get frustrating after a while..!

 

Carus*

[Ryks808]

I have similar feelings you had and this week has been hard and I’ve been feeling sad. I’m so glad I came across this post. It was definitely something I needed to read... thank you for sharing your experience.

[DancingFool]

Fantastic post. Thank you for sharing!

[hawk2347]

Very nice read Thank You. I also posted here in the past about my 4 year relationship and how after a few months I began dating and because of that I caught a little bit of slack. Every relationship is different everybody handles breakups different there is no right or wrong because in the end its about you and them. I was very upfront about my situation and she understood it was to be taken slow. 2 months into my new relationship and its going good I do still think of my ex and how she dumped me and maybe I always will you cant erase 4 years of memories whether its the good times or the bad times. You need to live your life its short I sat around sulked lost weight begged like a fool and lost sleep hoping she would come back she hasn't yet. She is also dating sooner than I did to a guy that is completely opposite of me and only comes into town to see her on the weekend because he travels a lot for his job. I don't go where I know she might be it happened once and was very hard on me. Only you know when your ready for someone else or when you are healed this site is great and the stories help but they are opinions. It is possible to heal and be with someone if its the right someone.

[Thani]

Yes...I wouldn't say I'm healed 100%. But I know that my ex is with his affair right now (I don't know how official they are, but I don't care) and I know that she's visiting him again next week... but that's ok. He's leaving me alone now and that's all I want.

 

I would say that I still have a "fear of loss" because he cheated on me when I felt completely safe. I discussed it with my new BF and I'm really glad that he understands my situation. I think it'll get better...with time.

 

Let's say I'm over him... I don't think about him anymore (not much anyway) and don't want him back but he broke a very sensitive part of me one year ago and I guess that's the thing which still needs time to heal. But I could handle the breakup one year ago and I will handle this. No problem

[figureitout23]

Excellent post.

 

The only thing I want to clarify for anyone reading this who is in the trenches who might feel a sting reading this - finding someone new isn't the 'I've healed' moment. It really kinda drives me crazy how it seems to always be portrayed in movies that a heartbroken person moves on by getting with someone else. True happiness within yourself is the goal.

[Thani]

That is correct... It's essential to have a certain level of a self-loving, healed and indiependent heart before you can date other people. You have to look back and see the difficulties and mistakes of the past relationship. To find someone new does truly help you to move on - but you have to be very careful because if it's too early, you're only gonna ma