Jump to content

Dealing with heartbreak and my ex's dying uncle


Recommended Posts

Hi everyone! I hope everyone is doing okay.

 

My story begins with my ex leaving me on this past NY Eve. He moved out all of his belongings on the day of and after.

We were together for a year, and lived with each other for half a year. It's good that it happened since it needed to but the way it was went about was absolutely terrible which he has since apologized.

This was my first serious relationship and his second. It was a year, but it was an amazing first 8 months, with the last 4 going up and down as I hit depression and he ended up becoming depressed too. It affected us financially, emotionally and physically. We were fighting like children with little EQ.

 

My ex and I miss each other, and of course it took a harder toll on me since I've never gone through a breakup and that he initiated it in an awful way (texted me over the phone he was coming over to talk about the lease and things moving forward, when I was out of town, and he ended up moving out his belongings when I wasn't there. I called and he admitted he was breaking up with me over the phone, I had to ask twice because he was hesitating.)

 

For the past week, I have initiated a no-contact during the day. We only limit to talking an hour over the phone or texting, sometimes face timing at night. It is at night because we are both night-owls and that's when we are relaxed so we would summarize the day to each other. It was for me, since I was blowing up his phone being pathetic and heartbroken. I have a feeling this no-contact thing is a bit rough on him, but because there is something else going on - his uncle. His uncle is very close to death after 40+ years of heavy drug abuse, alcoholism, chain smoking, diabetes, failing kidneys and poor diet. The guy is in and out of the hospital, and recently went back in around the time I initiated no-contact during the day and his uncle will be in the hospital for the rest of this week. His condition is very poor, he is unable to talk. Decision makers have been placed and papers have been filled regarding life support. etc. He isn't very close to his uncle, but it's his Mom's brother, so he is very concerned about his mom, and his Uncle's son whom he is close to and sees as a little brother.

 

I have reached out occasionally to ask, because when I was with him and his uncle was in the hospital, he would wait for me to ask rather than him updating me right away. He relapsed 4 days ago calling me old nick names, looking at our old photos and videos, admitting he felt very lonely. He admitted to feeling lost and lacking motivation for anything. He asked if we could do activities together to go on hikes and biking. I said if I have time I'll let him know. The past two days he didn't initiate night-time contact, but that's when I reached out briefly regarding his uncle. He would respond to say thanks, and I wouldn't say more, only for him to re-initiate.

 

This is my first heartbreak, I don't know what to do with this situation. I have to put myself first, and his uncle's situation is not my obligation.

But I am human. Also, I'm still young (23). My heart wants him back, but I am nowhere near ready. I miss him dearly of course, and wish I could be there but I can't especially through this situation where he's sometimes crying on the phone. We did say time will tell.....

 

 

 

Am I doing the right thing? Should I contact less?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, you didn't give the specifics of why he moved out. I'm guessing you were arguing a lot and saying hurtful things to each other. I'm not really sure why that was happening. You would have to give more details about the relationship.

 

But you should go full NC. You're only making this more painful for both of you by calling and face-timing each night. You can't move on when you're actually continuing the relationship.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, you didn't give the specifics of why he moved out. I'm guessing you were arguing a lot and saying hurtful things to each other. I'm not really sure why that was happening. You would have to give more details about the relationship.

 

But you should go full NC. You're only making this more painful for both of you by calling and face-timing each night. You can't move on when you're actually continuing the relationship.

 

We were fighting a lot. It got really bad and physical at times, lots of verbal and emotional abuse on both parties.

He turned to the bottle and became dependent on it. It wore me out dealing with it as it wore him out dealing with my breakdowns.

If his uncle wasn't near death, I would feel confident doing a no contact.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...