Friends stolen from charity

[anna8896]

Heya,

 

im here to get some advice please, i already know im not going to continue this friendship :)

 

My names Joanna, my friend is called Lauren, im now 28- she is 29 and we met when we were 15.

 

Over the years she has been a good friend, she has 2 kids (10 and 5) and a long term partner of the second child.

 

Over the last year she has changed ALOT- we had lost touch for a couple of years and a year ago became close friends again, since then i have found the following out her and ive put it aside until now:

 

1. sleeping with several men behind her partners back (affairs, not 1 night stands)

2. taking class b drugs

3. Letting known drug dealers in the area take her car for runs (she is up in court for letting him take her car without insurance this month)

4. telling me i cannot speak to my mutual friends with her

5. seeing men that i have previously been with

 

and the worst: we did a fundraising coffee morning for the alzhiemers society and rasied 300 pounds, i entrusted her to leave the money in and it was never left in or any certificate issued. I rang the charity this morning and they are no record of a cheque or cash being handed in (checked all accosiated names to be sure)

 

Im ready to cut ties, i feel like she has done me wrong and that im best to let her get on with her life and just move on with mine but i really want that money to be given into charity.

 

Let me know if you have any advice please :)

 

Joanna

[nutbrownhare]

Is there any chance, any chance at all, that she just hasn't got round to sending the money in? That there's an innocent explanation?

[anna8896]

The coffee morning was last may (about 8 months ago now) - at the time another friend (who is an editor of a local magazine) wanted to put in a few photos of the day and do a small write up, when this happened she said absolutely not..there was no reason for it. It started my suspicion but because we were so friendly i didnt want to start accusations.

 

Now because her behaviour has been so dishonest, i thought it would be best to check, and although she could have donated it anonymously, there was no need or reason to and she could have offered a thank you certificate to confirm the donation.

 

I blame myself for this really, i shouldnt have allowed her to take the money off me to give to her granda as it was my family (who came because all 4 of my grandparents have alzheimers) who supported the event.

 

I think ill just have to learn from this as i dont know what else i could do...

[Seraphim]

I would cut ties with her immediately and the honour the money you collected and take her to court for theft.

[anna8896]

Thanks- i agree!

[nutbrownhare]

Do you have evidence that she received the money and then didn't pass it on? If so, report her to the police. It stinks, doesn't it?

[melancholy123]

She sounds like someone you dont want or need in your life. If she stole the money she could end up charged with theft. You'd do well to drop this "friendship."

[anna8896]

it really does! im pretty sure ive confirmed it was never left in- i dont know where ill stand with proving it but ill try my best and if i can ill definately ring the police! Thanks :)

[anna8896]

Better off without all of this, your deffos right, thank you :)

[ThatwasThen]

The coffee morning was last may (about 8 months ago now) - at the time another friend (who is an editor of a local magazine) wanted to put in a few photos of the day and do a small write up, when this happened she said absolutely not..there was no reason for it. It started my suspicion but because we were so friendly i didnt want to start accusations.

 

Now because her behaviour has been so dishonest, i thought it would be best to check, and although she could have donated it anonymously, there was no need or reason to and she could have offered a thank you certificate to confirm the donation.

 

I blame myself for this really, i shouldnt have allowed her to take the money off me to give to her granda as it was my family (who came because all 4 of my grandparents have alzheimers) who supported the event.

 

I think ill just have to learn from this as i dont know what else i could do...

Have you outright asked her where the receipt for the 600 pounds is? I'd be asking her for it and If she didn't come up with it, I'd be calling the police. She stole that money and she probably used it for drugs. She needs a kick in the you know what and if that means she faces the negative consequences of her actions then so be it.

 

By not calling her out on all of the deplorable things she's done and continuing to hang out with her, you are enabling her to be the reprobate she is.

[boltnrun]

My ex was on drugs. He used every single bit of money he could get his hands on to buy drugs. He even stole from me, his family, and a benefactor who trusted him with a $15,000 piece of equipment which he sold out from under the guy (and went to prison for grand theft for that).

 

People on drugs do not think about the morals of stealing. They can justify to themselves any and all thefts because their need for drugs supercedes everything else.

 

I had to cut ties with this ex. I loved him very much but I couldn't have a thief and drug addict around my children. And I couldn't afford to lose any more of my possessions to fund his drug habit.

[anna8896]

A year ago my friend and i raised £220 pounds for charity- she wanted to give the money to her granda who would round it up to a total of £300. i thought "this is great" and until a couple of months ago trusted thats what she did.

 

My gut told me something wasnt right- and i started to investigate by ringing the charity and then asking her where she had left it into after they had explained there was no record of the donation. She explained she had given it to her granda and that when he got home from holiday she would find out the name of the contact in the alzheimers society....basically feeding me some lies to keep me at bay.

 

Ive just found out from my friends granda this morning (i rang his work, hes part-time), and she had never asked him to deposit the money at all.

 

 

I have been trying to get in touch with her granda for a few weeks and this morning got to talk to him-

 

he said that he did not get any money from his grand-daughter and that you could assume that it was never put in.

 

I knew my gut feeling was right-

 

£220 pounds raised- i would like her to donate it

 

could you give me some advice?

 

ask her to give me it to pay? ring the police? never talk to her again? lose a friend over her doing this! will probably lose a few as we are a group of friends and she is very manipulative.. im pretty sure she will be aware that im in the know.

 

thanks for any advice

 

Joanna

[Hollyj]

This is illegal. You could report her, or you could tell her what you know, and that she must replace that money. Immediately! How many other people contributed?

 

I would never want to be around someone like this again. If your friend group thinks this is a cool thing to do, then you need to find a new friend group. Her behavior is really disgusting!

 

Good on you for following it up! I hope that you do take some sort of a action

[anna8896]

Thanks Holly! Im pretty gutted tbh- her son is 10 now and ive known him all his life, just seems like such a loss but has to be done.

 

I didnt realise she had no respect for anyone- going to have to cut ties.

 

there actually was quite alot of people involved- prizes donated ect for donations which was raffled off - from other friends of hers

[j.man]

How was it raised? Do you two own or otherwise represent a fundraising organization? What kind of records can you present of not only of having received the money from each donor, but explicitly for the purposes of donation? Yes, if she stole the money, she's pretty much a garbage person, but unless the biggest crime in your village is Easter Bunny fraud, chances are that, unless she big time self-incriminates, the amount she stole was small enough to get away with it. By all means feel free to pursue a legal solution, but I'd keep your expectations grounded.

 

Regardless of any potential police consults, you've discovered she's a fraud. In your shoes, I'd cut her out of my life without affording her the dignity of a qualification. I've had falling-outs with friends within friendship circles. It's never been an issue as I never aired any drama and didn't put anyone in a position to take sides. If your friendship group is the type to turn on you despite that, you'd be better off with a different social circle anyhow.

[DancingFool]

As far as pursuing police action, as jman points out, you aren't likely to get much out of that. Petty theft and a slap on the wrist at best and she has the perfect defense - "sorry was going to deliver the donation, just got delayed" so you aren't likely to get anywhere at all. If you can't prove intent to steal, no case.

 

Personally I'd also wonder just how hard up she is financially. Regardless, I'd disassociate from her immediately and without drama especially if you are dealing with a social circle type situation where you'll keep running into each other. This is more of a personal lesson, that if you want to donate, then do so personally and directly to the charity and not some round about way like it was done here where you all collected money, then gave it to someone who then said it will be given to someone else to eventually be given to the charity. Eventually.....

[Wiseman2]

Why haven't you gotten the charity involved to investigate? Where was this check cashed or deposited? It sounds like they are both in on it.

A year ago my friend and i raised £220 pounds for charity- she wanted to give the money to her granda who would round it up to a total of £300.

[Capricorn3]

OP, you had a thread about this in January. Threads have been merged.