Sexless Marriage= Cant Conceive

[preciousgirl82]

Hi,

 

My husband and I have been married for 2.5 years, dated for over 10 years. We made the decision last year to start trying to conceive (TTC) our 1st child starting this past Summer. Problem is, my husband gets tired and stressed very easily and, most nights, he falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow. When he's not falling asleep, either im tired, it's too late at night by the time we settle into bed (we both work full-time jobs) or we've been arguing and aren't in the mood. Not to mention, since July, I have lost two close relatives and there has been a lot of stress in our lives. Since we got married our sex life has taken a real nosedive. Though we've never had sex very frequently, it has gotten to the point where there's a 2 month gap...and we're only 35 and 36 years old! Therefore, we are missing my fertile days almost every month and, due to our age, I feel we have no time to waste (which is only adding more stress). My husband knows that I've always been fearful of pregnancy/childbirth so, even though he wants kids, he's used to walking on glass around the topic. Also,he refuses to TTC if we aren't naturally passionate that day and ready to go. So he sees no problem waiting for "the right moment" and hates the pressure that comes every month when i'm ovulating. Meanwhile, I feel so much pressure to hurry and get pregnant because i'll be 36 in March and everyone in my family has already put in their minds that I'm never having children. I'd love for my husband and I to conceive under ideal circumstances but the reality is, our marriage has its very rough days, my sex drive is almost nonexistent, and just the mere pressure of racing against the clock is making this whole ordeal aggravating for both of us. And how can I ever get pregnant when we rarely have sex in the first place? Just last night we got into an argument over this and we aren't speaking. Being that my fertile period is just about gone, looks like another month wasted! :(

[Seraphim]

I would sort out all the stress , anxiety and tension in the house first . A baby will not make that better but a thousand times worse . You think you’re tired now ? And your husband’a anxiety and tiredness ? Well, that will be tenfold . Like you said it’s not an ideal situation to bring a baby into . All this needs to be sorted out first .

 

My husband was exactly the same sort as your husband when I got pregnant with my son . The first few years of my son’s life were a living hell because my husband was impossible . He was of no help whatsoever because he always had anxiety . If he could go out of his way to make my life a living hell he did . My son is 20 years old now and we were we are all long past that but believe me not happy memories .

[Wiseman2]

Are you sure he wants kids? Stop stressing and pressuring. Instead plan romantic weekends, date nights and stop talking like a ticking baby-machine. Don't make everything in your life a task, especially sex and conception. Get organized and make sure you have time for each other evenings to relax. Go out for dinner or get take out and watch tv/movies together. Work on your marriage, not your fertility calendar.

just the mere pressure of racing against the clock is making this whole ordeal aggravating for both of us. Just last night we got into an argument over this and we aren't speaking.

[preciousgirl82]

He knew he wanted kids before I did, so definitely. But ill admit hes a slow-starter with most things in life. We only have evenings together so we try to always watch a movie together but by the time it's over we need to rush to sleep because it's almost midnight. We definitely could use some more romantic getaways, even a day trip. But it seems every time we have those great days, it doesn't coincide with my fertile days. I do feel like a ticking baby machine because of my age. It's making me resent my age and not getting married until I was 33 because I never wanted it like this.

[thealchemist]

He knew he wanted kids before I did, so definitely. But ill admit hes a slow-starter with most things in life. We only have evenings together so we try to always watch a movie together but by the time it's over we need to rush to sleep because it's almost midnight. We definitely could use some more romantic getaways, even a day trip. But it seems every time we have those great days, it doesn't coincide with my fertile days. I do feel like a ticking baby machine because of my age. It's making me resent my age and not getting married until I was 33 because I never wanted it like this.

All the issues you talk about that make it hard for you to be able to be intimate with your husband will be magnified a lot with having kids.

 

From the sound of it I don't know if your relationship "as is" could handle the strain a child will bring.

 

Maybe your husband realizes this on some level...

[tattoobunnie]

Have sex before you are suppose to get up in the morning - he will be hard as a rock, and if you will tried, and not in the mood, but just wing it! Make sure to have sex at least two before and during, and 2 days after ovulation day. Fresh sperm coming in always a good thing.

 

Honey, you are a NY'er, 36 is "young" for having kiddos! So, please let that stress of your age go - if you've already been tested, nothing to worry about.

[wilyone 11]

A woman’s fertility peaks at 27 and really takes a nosedive at around 37-38. Plenty of literature about this. The odds of conceiving in a normal cycle drop every year after 27. So I think you have every reason to act with urgency. The problem is due to age of the eggs. If you freeze your eggs it might take some of the pressure off.

 

Is it possible that your husband is subconsciously sabotaging this because he’s not quite sure he’s ready to be a father?

[Seraphim]

A woman’s fertility peaks at 27 and really takes a nosedive at around 37-38. Plenty of literature about this. The odds of conceiving in a normal cycle drop every year after 27. So I think you have every reason to act with urgency. The problem is due to age of the eggs. If you freeze your eggs it might take some of the pressure off.

 

Is it possible that your husband is subconsciously sabotaging this because he’s not quite sure he’s ready to be a father?

Could be about the not ready to be a dad. My husband had all sorts of shenanigans because he didn't want to outright say he felt he was not ready . Then he agreed ( even SIGNED an agreement) to having a child and then once I was pregnant he was telling me that he wasn't ready. Kind of late then . 🙄