He asked me out to coffee after 4 mo. of not talking. What is going on here?

[overthemoon10]

I was working out at a gym for about a year. I had a trainer there who is also in medical school. He works there because the owner is his dad's friend and gives him random hours whenever he wants them. I am in dental school so we always talked about our programs and families, etc. We have always gotten along very well and I realized over time that he is a wonderful person and is sensitive to other people. He was on and off with his long distance girl friend during this time. He talked about her sometimes, but I think they want different things out of life.

 

He complimented me twice, but I just took these as friendly comments. For example, I came in with my hair curly one day and he said "Oh, is your hair curly like that naturally? It looks nice!" Another day he mentioned that I looked nice. He asked me what my favorite music was, and I told him my favorite band's name. He came back the next week and said he listened to some of their songs after my workout that day to check them out.

 

I stopped going to the gym because I had to leave the city we were in for extern rotations for a few months. He hugged me on my last day working out there. We really didn't talk for about four months. About two weeks ago, I got a text from him asking if I would like to get coffee when I get back to the city and that he would "love to see me again!" - I agreed to go. I asked him what he was up to that night, and he said "I'm seeing a movie by myself haha" - I looked on his facebook to see if he was still dating that girl, but his relationship status was set to single and she was no longer on his friend list.

 

We got coffee when I got back two weeks later. As soon as I walked in, his face lit up and he gave me a hug. The site he chose for coffee was a place that I had mentioned in the past that I loved. He told me he chose it because a girl in his medical school program told him we should go there. He paid for my coffee and food and we talked for two hours. He seemed nervous at first. He asked me a ton of questions about where I want to end up living and mentioned that all of his friends are getting married. He asked me what my favorite restaurants in the city were, but I couldn't remember any and just said "i love whole foods." So we laughed it off. I felt that it went very well. I felt chemistry, and I hope he did too. He hugged me goodbye and said that we should do this again. He was enthusiastic about the "lets do this again" so not sure if that matters. (I know if the guy sets up another time on the spot that is ideal, but I could also understand that some guys may not want to come on strong... who knows)

 

I texted him the next day. I am probably too type A and was embarrassed that I forgot my favorite restaurants when he asked me the previous day, so I texted him a list of what I called "good food places that my friends and I like" in the city we live in. He thanked me and was really happy that I remembered to send it. He said he took a screenshot so he can save the list. I thanked him for paying and told him it was nice to see him and that I know he is busy with med school starting back up, but that I would love to meet up again. He said "Of course! I'll keep in touch and we will try one of those restaurants :) "

 

I didn't have many feelings for this guy while he was my trainer because I was going through a bad breakup at the time, so I just wasn't emotionally available. Now after meeting up with him, I have had a hard time keeping him off of my mind. I'm starting to realize how perfect he is for me. I am getting mixed feelings about what this coffee date meant to him. Yes, he said "I'll keep in touch" so that gave me friend vibes, but that is something I would even say if I was into a guy so as to not come off too strong. Before he mentioned "I'll be in touch," I told him I know how busy he is, so maybe it was just his way of acknowledging that I said I know he's busy.

 

What is your take and should I just leave things until he contacts me again? The coffee date was last Saturday and the text conversation I mentioned here was a week ago today. We have not talked since.

[Lambert]

Well.... Sounds like u have two choices: ask him out or wait and see. I think it would be nice to just text him casually and say, hi! Hope ur doing well. Any free time for drinks this week?

 

I'm really not into games at all. so I would not over think it. I would put myself out there and see. Then reciprocate as he responds. If u get a negative vibe then pull back.

[overthemoon10]

Thanks for the reply! The thing is, I am almost positive that he will respond in a positive way. He is just a polite guy. Is it more likely that he is not interested? Or that he doesn't want to come on too strong? I feel like texting me out of the blue after not talking for four months could be nerve wracking for a guy if he's planning to ask a girl to coffee, so maybe it's my turn? I've never done this before, so any advice is greatly appreciated.

[milly007]

I think it depends on what you feel comfortable doing.

 

He knows that you want to see him again since you let him know via text after you met for coffee.

 

If it were me, I'd leave the ball in his court because you've already confirmed that you'd like to see him again, and he responded by saying he'd be in touch.

 

However, if you want to take the bull by the horns, message him.

 

Again, it all comes down to comfort level and what feels right for you.

 

Please keep us posted on what you decide to do and what happens! :)

[Josl]

You don't have to ask him out right away, but you can just send him a text to give him a "starting point." Just one idea: If you were at another nice restaurant/a friend recommended one, you could just start by sending him a picture of the place/the restaurant's name, and mention that it really must be on his list of nice restaurants or so. Let's him know you've been thinking of him, and gives him a chance to ask you to go there (or to another place) together.

[overthemoon10]

I had not heard from him for a week, so a lot of people told me to initiate a text. I asked him how his week went. He responded quickly and it was a nice conversation. He asked me about my grandmother and how she was doing because I mentioned to him during the date that she recently had a stroke. We texted for about an hour and a half. I also told him that I love my new schedule because I don’t have to be at the hospital until noon three days a week. He responded and said his schedule is nice too because he gets out early a couple days a week. The last text was from me, but it was just a statement to something else he previously said. We haven’t talked since.

 

Is this just at a standstill? It’s been two weeks since we went on the date. Why would he out of the blue message me for coffee and then not make more plans after he said he would? Maybe he is not over his ex? Or do I need to be more patient? Maybe he didn’t see this as a date with me? It’s so confusing because everybody was mentioning how he obviously liked me, but I can’t explain what has happened since. Nothing odd happened at the date either.

[IAmFCA]

I think he is interested. He may be wanting to make sure he is ready for something real; he knows dating you leads to a relationship. Keep doing your thing.

[Sportster2005]

I had not heard from him for a week, so a lot of people told me to initiate a text. I asked him how his week went. He responded quickly and it was a nice conversation. He asked me about my grandmother and how she was doing because I mentioned to him during the date that she recently had a stroke. We texted for about an hour and a half. I also told him that I love my new schedule because I don’t have to be at the hospital until noon three days a week. He responded and said his schedule is nice too because he gets out early a couple days a week. The last text was from me, but it was just a statement to something else he previously said. We haven’t talked since.

 

Is this just at a standstill? It’s been two weeks since we went on the date. Why would he out of the blue message me for coffee and then not make more plans after he said he would? Maybe he is not over his ex? Or do I need to be more patient? Maybe he didn’t see this as a date with me? It’s so confusing because everybody was mentioning how he obviously liked me, but I can’t explain what has happened since. Nothing odd happened at the date either.

 

It sounds like another case of "he's just not into you". He might be mildly interested. That is what is behaviour suggests. Tepid interest is actually more frustrating than non-interest. It gives moments of encouragement. You have nothing to lose by playing this cool, for now. If you start to invest in a lot of time and emotion, you need to better understand his intentions and feelings.

[IAmFCA]

It sounds like another case of "he's just not into you". He might be mildly interested. That is what is behaviour suggests. Tepid interest is actually more frustrating than non-interest. It gives moments of encouragement. You have nothing to lose by playing this cool, for now. If you start to invest in a lot of time and emotion, you need to better understand his intentions and feelings.

 

Agree completely.

 

I will say, a few years ago (5?) I dated someone who initially asked me out three times over the span of, say, 5 months. Over time he stepped it up and we ended up dating each other for a year or two. It is a dangerous game, guessing at someone else's interest and then changing your behavior accordingly. Instead, look at his behavior: he said he will be in touch. Let him do what he said. He was intent enough to reach out after 4 months of quiet, so we know he will reach out when he wants to. It seems that during those 4 months, his relationship ended. You don't want to be an ego boost or a rebound; no reply or a slow reply is better than a fast one that leads nowhere.

 

Meanwhile, you have a lot on your plate -- do that.

[overthemoon10]

I'm pretty sure they broke up recently. I think their relationship was on and off. We always got along so well and have a ton in common. We have a great connection and it just feels easy.

 

Is it possible that he had some level of interest in me, but is still not over her?

[JaggerJim]

I would sit back and wait. "I'll be touch" sounds vague to me. Sounds like he's home marinating your date in his mind, and figuring out if he would like to see you again.

 

Don't make that choice for him. ie - if he decides in his mind he'd like to see you again, you will hear from him, opposed to texting him first and him just coming along for the hell of it.

[overthemoon10]

Thank you all for the great advice!

 

Is it likely that the problem here is due to his recent breakup?

[IAmFCA]

Thank you all for the great advice!

 

Is it likely that the problem here is due to his recent breakup?

 

could be; none of usus know. trust That he will do what's necessary, don't do it for him.