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need real help with my relationship/girlfriend :(


accidentprone
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been awhile since i needed to post on here. feels bad having to return.

i have been with my girlfriend for 6 months. while we have only been together 6 months, we have together been through what feels like a couple years worth of experiences.

overall, things have been pretty great. we have been very happy together. only recently, things started to feel like they're falling apart. in a series of terrible events, we both lost our jobs around christmas (she has since found another) and then spent the week of christmas together. all in all, despite the circumstances, things were still feeling okay. however over the past couple weeks since then, we have been arguing a lot (like every couple days) and things just felt tense. now we have had bad arguments in the past, nothing has ever been over serious subject matter, and they always resolved themselves. this time has felt weird and different though. even though we talked and resolved the issue, she has felt pretty distant and lackluster with me. her persona with me has seemed to almost do a 180. the normal silly, fun, affectionate, cant-wait-to-see-me girlfriend of the past 6 months now feels detached and forced a bit. i asked her about it and she says that ever since the last fight, she hasnt felt close to me, even though the air has definitely been cleared. i have been home for the past few days since then and we havent really talked too much and the communication we have had via text and a phone call or two, seemed pretty unenthusiastic on her end.

before this past fight, and an underlying issue i had suspected from previous fights, (it's never about what it's about) was that for a couple weeks before i lost my job, things had been a little boring and routine/apathetic i guess, even though we both still had fun and she seemed genuinely happy. the intimacy was sparse because of issues i was having, but everything else was in place.

i truly feel like me dropping the ball with that made her feel undesired and disappointed in me and started a slow downhill spiral. it fueled her frustration with me i know as well as added to her own stress in life. i feel so awful about this and the fact that i may have inadvertently ruined our recently great relationship. i am so in love with her and this would eat me alive to lose her.

is there any advice on here from anyone or has anyone has similar experience?

 

thanks in advance.

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Well, what have the fights been about and who has been starting the fights? If they haven't been been about anything important then there's a power struggle going on. And when you said they've been resolved, the question would be were they really resolved, or was one person pressured to give up the argument out of frustration and a lack of control.

 

You've pointed out that fights are never about what they're about. And you're right. A lot of people use fights to try to control and manipulate their partner. For example, when you have one partner constantly telling the other partner they're wrong or they're stupid, it's a way of breaking that partner down. Where the actions of your partner became boring and apathetic, I'm having the feeling she didn't like who won that last fight.

 

In any event, if you want to describe the fights, we can give you more detail on what you need to do. But I'm afraid when there are a lot of arguments happen it means the relationship is on thin ice.

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Hello. I'm sorry to hear about your relationship problems. It sounds kinda similar to something I'm going through right now so I can see this from both perspectives. This sounds like you guys need to communicate more. Not just argue, sit down and calmly lay everything out. Its better to be honest and let all of your feelings and problems out. Reltionships are hard sometimes and one major thing that happens quiet often is , one of you could be taking something totally wrong and getting mad about it or it could be one of those problems that play off of each other. Those are tough to find, but they are there. She may be upset about something you did and in return she ignores you and that may make you feel like she is upset so that makes you more upset with her and ECT. Try and take that into factor. I can only go on what you said, so I am unsure if there is a bigger issue here, but something I have always heard of is, give time and space. Sometimes its good to let the other person have their space to calm down and get over the problem. I mean you may have really hurt her feelings and she needs the time to accept your apology, and same for her towards you. Girls need to be shown not told and that's a major key to a strong relationship. Actions speak louder than words. I hope that I helped and I wish you the best of luck. Keep it peaceful

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