SaraJane99 Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 So recently I have been put into a position where I feel like I have become the self conscious and controlling wife, which I hate! I grew up in a very conservative family and though I disagreed with some of the things my parents did, one thing I always admired was their love and respect for each other. My Dad was the typical wild boy who drank and may have even done drugs from what I’ve heard and my Mother was the straight laced girl who never took a sip of alcohol in her life. Despite their differences my Dad loved her unconditionally and completely straighten himself up for her and growing up I can’t think of a single time my Dad did anything to disrespect my Mom That being said, I have always strived to be in a marriage like that. I know they are far in few, but after several failed relationships due to past BF’s cheating or me finding out about very inappropriate things that went down with other women when they were out of town, it caused me to have 0 tolerance for that in future relationships. So I made a pact with myself to never put up with a man treating me that way again. Fast forward to my marriage now, I am with a loving and affectionate husband who I would never dream of disrespecting or doing something that could potentially hurt him. However, one of the few things we have never came to agreement on even before we became engaged was how society has made bachelor and bachelorette parties an acceptable way to cheat on your significant other before tying the knot. And I told him how I felt about this before he proposed (because I knew it was coming) and I wanted to make sure he knew that’s where I stand before asking me to marry him. At the time he agreed and acted as if he understood. After he proposed we talked about doing a joint bachelor/bachelorette party out of town. Since I hadn’t met his friends before (he moved up here and all of his friends were still back in his home town) I thought it would be fun opportunity to get to know them and we could have a fun night partying together, and he agreed! Not long after our conversation about the joint parties, I find he is planning a bachelor party behind my back in Vegas and when I asked him about what we talked about, he said his brother was planning it so it was out of his control and his brother was not thrilled of the joint parties ideas. After arguing about this because I felt he lied to me about being on the same page regarding the issue, he then proceeded to tell me he just wanted one last night out with the guys to DO DRUGS and go to the club and party! Considering we have never done drugs in our relationship, I was really upset he would even tell me this thinking I wouldn’t care. Now I don’t know his friends well, but during this time his best friend was also planning a wedding the same week as ours and also planning a bachelor party in the Key West. Once again I had to FIND OUT about this one because his friend was blowing his phone up one morning while I was still in bed and he was in the shower. All I see is texts coming through about booking his plane ticket, what day he would be coming down, how there were going to be raunchy parties all weekend and he should just expect to stay high the entire time. This party was supposed to be taking place in a matter of weeks and I had heard nothing about it. Finally I broke down and became the girl I never wanted to be and told him we should just postpone the wedding so he could get his needed partying out before settling down. He didn’t want that, so I told him I wasn’t comfortable with these plans he had been making and at this point I wasn’t sure if I could marry him if he went on these trips . I was clear long before he proposed that my outlook on those types of parties were very unacceptable for people about to get married. Also I said this because about 90% of my good friends cheated on their spouses on their bachelor/bachelorette trips because they got entirely to messed up. I grew up being taught that you just don’t put yourself in situations where it’s easy to screw up by getting to drunk or high on drugs. However, I tried telling him I still wanted him to see his friends and if he wanted a little less of a hardcore party weekend with the guys I was fine with that m. But instead he just canceled his bachelor party and didn’t go on his friends. It was like if titty bars, clubs and drugs couldn’t be apart of his weekend, then he just didn’t want to have it. Now let me say I am about to turn 30 and my husband is 31. So going out of town and partying hard really doesn’t interest me like it used to. However, I have just been asked to be a bridesmaid in a wedding and the bachelorette party planning began as soon as she asked me to be in the wedding. When I first mentioned it to my husband, he shot it down and acted almost resentful that I brought it up. I told him I had no intention of going since he gave up his bachelor party for me and I understood we had a mutual agreement in our marriage that participating in that wouldn’t be appropriate in our marriage. Well he completely blind sided me and then told me he honestly doesn’t care what I do. If I want to go party with the girls on the beach he isn’t worried about it. That definitely was not the response I expected. And when I asked him if he ever understood where I was coming from in the past about why I put my foot down on the parties he was planning, he completely denied all of it and said I remembered it wrong. And might I add one more time, I told him BEFORE HE PROPOSED where I stood on bachelor parties. So wether anyone thinks I’m unreasonable or controlling, I did express my feelings on the matter before he we ever made that big step. Now I don’t know what to do. I still stand in my beliefs that it’s a very bad situation for a married person to put themselves in a drunken/high situation at a club or strip club. I have thought of telling him I’m not going even though he doesn’t care because I don’t want our marriage to be possibly jeopardized by us getting to messed up out of town (at least I can be honest with myself, I know I’ll be pressured to get entirely to drunk on this trip). But I also thought of telling him I WANT him to plan a guys trip sometime soon. So maybe I can prove to him that I do trust him and I’m not controlling. I just want him to understand the bachelor party plans he’s made did not settle well with me in the past. Any thoughts? And please please don’t judge me for disagreeing with bachelor parties, I know many people have different views on the subject. I also based my decision off of how my husband has acted drunk in front of me in the past and he is a very different person. So it’s difficult for a girl to not worry at all when she knows how messed up her man acts when he’s to drunk and also doesn’t know the any of his friends he is out of town with. Any thoughts? Go on the trip or no? If I don’t go I really do want him to plan a guys trip so he doesn’t think I’m just clingy. Link to comment
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