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Boyfriend's pastor suggests that we won't work out? Lol


petrichors
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Hello everyone,

 

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 months now. I'm 20 y/o and he's 24 y/o. I am a virgin, he is not. We do not have sexual intercourse, but we do "heavy petting." I come from a family with a Buddhist background, while he was raised to be a Christian. His parents are SUPER devout (mainly his mom and brother), and although he is a strong believer in Christianity, he does not reference God as often as his family does. We've had talks about marriage, because we really do see a future together - but he often fears that our difference in religion could possibly become a problem. His mom knows that I am non-Christian, but she loves me as a person and constantly encourages him to convert me - not in a pushy or forceful way by any means.

 

Now, I was fine with how things were going; I am not a very religious person, but I do follow the Buddhist philosophies and teachings to a certain extent. I've also sat through a few of my boyfriend's pastor's sermons to see how I felt about the religion, and so far I'm not necessarily opposed to converting; I just want it to be on my own terms and not a pressure that I have to cave into in order to please anyone.

 

However, recently, my boyfriend's pastor's gave him an urgent call telling him that the Holy Spirit has prophesized that my boyfriend and I would be having sexual intercourse within the next month - and that if we actually follow through with it, our relationship will encounter many problems and challenges in the future that may prevent us from getting married. She says that she knows what "goes on" between us, and that all the physical intimacy will eventually lead to other things. She also suggested that he break up with me, as my father is extremely anti-Christ and will attempt to lead my boyfriend away from his faith in God. I was very angry to hear this, as I know that my boyfriend and I have enough self-control to not actually have sex; I've been strict with this, and made it very clear to him that I will not be having premarital sex. I also know that my father is a fairly relaxed and neutral person; he's Buddhist, but he really has no objections towards any other religion.

 

Everything happened so quickly and abruptly, and I really don't know how to feel about this. My boyfriend tells me that he refuses to break up with me, and that he will do whatever it takes to marry me. But, he does want to become a better Christian and stop all the "heavy petting" that we do - he wants to strictly keep it at kissing. I personally don't mind stopping the sexual activity, but I'm also really offended that external influences have such a huge impact on our relationship. It also sets a bad image for Christianity, so I am also now unsure of whether I truly want to convert. I just want to live a simple and peaceful life, and I'm not sure if the path I am not will help me achieve that. I'm starting to have doubts about our relationship.

 

I know this is a difficult situation to be in, but any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

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The pastor's behaviour sounds bizarre. To my knowledge, prophecies don't revolve about such mundane things. Regardless, the whole thing is about setting boundaries to third persons. If your boyfriend can set boundaries to unsolicited third party interference, then you can get through this. If he is a doormat, then you will indeed struggle and probably end up breaking up. The two of you need to discuss this and agree on a united approach.

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You have only been dating three months. You don't even know one another. You should not be discussing marriage at such an early stage.

 

I can't believe your bf attends such a bizarre church. Did you see any snakes in the service?

 

This all looks a strange. Why do YOU have to convert? It seems that you are making all of the adjustments in this relationships.

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His Pastor is full of baloney with the sex talk. I never met a fortune telling priest in any parishes I attended (an I'm Catholic) like the one you're describing.

 

he does want to become a better Christian and stop all the "heavy petting" that we do - he wants to strictly keep it at kissing. I personally don't mind stopping the sexual activity, but I'm also really offended that external influences have such a huge impact on our relationship. It also sets a bad image for Christianity, so I am also now unsure of whether I truly want to convert.

IMHO, this relationship may not work out with two very different faith systems.

 

You need to find someone who has values aligned to yours. Compatibility has to come together for a relationship to be successful. The only way interfaith relationships can work is if couples are (A) completely secular of any religion (not the case for either of you) or (B) one of you convert. He's not going to convert to Buddhism and you already have a clear opinion of his faith too. You should not convert for his sake... you do it for yourself.

 

In the grand scheme of things, what will your wedding ceremony be? If it's secular, will he be able to stand up for you and against his parents if they give him hell for it? Will he be entirely ok if his family threatens to not show up for his wedding? A pastor will not agree to wed a couple if they won't raise their children under the congregation. You also can't get married twice under a Christian church (meaning you have to have it in his church before your temple). These are very serious questions to think about and discuss with him.

 

 

EDIT: You only dated 3 months. While I agree that it is too soon to think about marriage, there are some big red flags with this relationship that may make you think twice about becoming serious.

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Hello everyone,

 

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 months now. I'm 20 y/o and he's 24 y/o. I am a virgin, he is not. We do not have sexual intercourse, but we do "heavy petting." I come from a family with a Buddhist background, while he was raised to be a Christian. His parents are SUPER devout (mainly his mom and brother), and although he is a strong believer in Christianity, he does not reference God as often as his family does. We've had talks about marriage, because we really do see a future together - but he often fears that our difference in religion could possibly become a problem. His mom knows that I am non-Christian, but she loves me as a person and constantly encourages him to convert me - not in a pushy or forceful way by any means.

 

Now, I was fine with how things were going; I am not a very religious person, but I do follow the Buddhist philosophies and teachings to a certain extent. I've also sat through a few of my boyfriend's pastor's sermons to see how I felt about the religion, and so far I'm not necessarily opposed to converting; I just want it to be on my own terms and not a pressure that I have to cave into in order to please anyone.

 

However, recently, my boyfriend's pastor's gave him an urgent call telling him that the Holy Spirit has prophesized that my boyfriend and I would be having sexual intercourse within the next month - and that if we actually follow through with it, our relationship will encounter many problems and challenges in the future that may prevent us from getting married. She says that she knows what "goes on" between us, and that all the physical intimacy will eventually lead to other things. She also suggested that he break up with me, as my father is extremely anti-Christ and will attempt to lead my boyfriend away from his faith in God. I was very angry to hear this, as I know that my boyfriend and I have enough self-control to not actually have sex; I've been strict with this, and made it very clear to him that I will not be having premarital sex. I also know that my father is a fairly relaxed and neutral person; he's Buddhist, but he really has no objections towards any other religion.

 

Everything happened so quickly and abruptly, and I really don't know how to feel about this. My boyfriend tells me that he refuses to break up with me, and that he will do whatever it takes to marry me. But, he does want to become a better Christian and stop all the "heavy petting" that we do - he wants to strictly keep it at kissing. I personally don't mind stopping the sexual activity, but I'm also really offended that external influences have such a huge impact on our relationship. It also sets a bad image for Christianity, so I am also now unsure of whether I truly want to convert. I just want to live a simple and peaceful life, and I'm not sure if the path I am not will help me achieve that. I'm starting to have doubts about our relationship.

 

I know this is a difficult situation to be in, but any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

 

You've only known him for three months. Personally, that is too soon to contemplate marriage but you are getting a glimpse into his life. What huge impact did this make on your relationship? He is not ending the relationship and has agreed to cut back on the petting. People will always voice their opinions that is a part of life whether its a pastor, family, friend, coworker or neighbor. You two have to find a way to deal with that type of interference. Take the relationship slow.

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You're young, it's too soon to contemplate marriage. Congratulations on not having sex with and figuring out that in order to be with him, you'll be treated as a commodity and puppet who then has to change or fake a mental state. Man is not God and God is not man. Spiritual maturity takes a while and you won't find it thru a man or church. Get out while you still can.

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You have only been dating three months. You don't even know one another. You should not be discussing marriage at such an early stage.

 

I can't believe your bf attends such a bizarre church. Did you see any snakes in the service?

 

This all looks a strange. Why do YOU have to convert? It seems that you are making all of the adjustments in this relationships.

 

YES!!!!! I have such an issue with organized religion of any sort and things like this really bother me. That pastor needs to butt out. Also at your ages you should not be talking about marriage! You should be doing fun things, going places, hanging with friends, going to college or uni., working etc.

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Are you sure that's what the pastor actually said, or is he telling you that he did for a way to break up with you without being the bad guy? no pastor who i ever have known would do anything like that.

 

At any rate, I don't think it will work for the long term - if you are TRULY Buddhist and not a new ager who adopts some surface elements (which i assume you are not from a buddhist family) -- Buddhists cannot refer to God by any name. That won't work in a home raising children if you married a Christian or Jewish or Muslim man.

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YES!!!!! I have such an issue with organized religion of any sort and things like this really bother me. That pastor needs to butt out. Also at your ages you should not be talking about marriage! You should be doing fun things, going places, hanging with friends, going to college or uni., working etc.

 

I agree with the organized religion bit!!!!!!!

 

This church sounds beyond standard organized religion.

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Are you sure that's what the pastor actually said, or is he telling you that he did for a way to break up with you without being the bad guy? no pastor who i ever have known would do anything like that.

 

At any rate, I don't think it will work for the long term - if you are TRULY Buddhist and not a new ager who adopts some surface elements (which i assume you are not from a buddhist family) -- Buddhists cannot refer to God by any name. That won't work in a home raising children if you married a Christian or Jewish or Muslim man.

 

I was about to write the same thing. Or, perhaps it was Mom who said this or put the pastor up to it. It seems very suspect, in any case. I have never known a pastor to behave like that, apart from more cult-like organizations.

 

OP, as the others said, you've only been dating 3 months. Marriage should not even be up for discussion yet, as you have barely made it into the honeymoon phase. You are still learning about each other. Take this episode as a sign of things likely to come. Religion is already interfering and you're only just dating. It doesn't look as though this will go well for you.

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Odd that heavy petting is okay but intercourse is not. If has ever ejaculated from acts that you two have done then that is pretty un-christian. If you have this much drama in such a short amount of time then its only going to get much worse. If this is what you want, then good luck to you. I would say thanks but no thanks.

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Do not convert to anything or feel pressured to if/until you are engaged. 3 mos is way too soon for this pressure. Are you sure it's a not 'missionary dating' or 'flirt to convert' situation? Please google those terms and read up on these tactics on your own.

 

Absolutely , I was thinking exactly this.

 

He may be a sweet man and yet still fall prey to a manipulative organization. It's good to learn to spot these unhealthy situations early. He is part of that world and if you continue dating him, you will see crazier things yet.

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