Jump to content

Recommended Posts

i recently had a thread regarding my breakup with my ex and finally after 6mths, i met someone new and slowly opening my heart to someone again...

 

i finally am feeling a little better, having lesser thoughts about her and spending more time with the new girl. i always felt that there is some barrier between me and the new girl though.. i havent got over my ex completely, i still care alot about her but i dont want to be back with her anymore.

 

i initiated contact few weeks back asking about her progress at work and was happy to hear that she was doing fine. i contacted her today again, asking about a purchase we made long ago and the delivery was sent to her house.. and we chatted a little bit more and she told me she was struggling with work. it kind of validated my feelings... i was worried about her, and i really wanted to just help her.. i may still be angry over what she did, but ultimately i still want good for her.

 

am i sabotaging my own progress? am i doing the wrong thing?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You have met someone new and are moving on with that. Sure, you are not totally over the ex, but you have given it long enough to at leat be wanting to move on and not want her back.

 

But... I don't think you should begin pushing to get back in her life, even as a friend, because you now have someone else to focus on. How would you feel if your new girl starts posting something along the lines of, 'My new BF is still contacting his ex.'

 

If you have any emotional connection to her left, which you do as you are still not fully over her and are still angry, then limit your contact as much as possible. When you can look back and think, 'That was a time in my life I will never forget, and sure she wronged me but I don't care anymore,' then you are over her and can even start a friendship if that is what you want.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

You're asking if it right, which means you feel it isn't, but want validation.

I do think you don't want to be with her, but at the same time you do have feelings.

It isn't your responsibility to help her or be there, and she's not the one initiating contact,

so it's best to refrain from getting in contact with her, at least until all feelings are resolved.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Joker,

 

She betrayed you and hurt you right?

 

My advice, go/ stay total NC with her and move on with your life...

 

 

Best of luck :)

 

 

yes sputnik buddy, thank you..

i thought i could be a bigger person and try to be there for her. total NC would be difficult as we would see each other at work next week onwards.

i guess i would try to stay away..

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You have met someone new and are moving on with that. Sure, you are not totally over the ex, but you have given it long enough to at leat be wanting to move on and not want her back.

 

But... I don't think you should begin pushing to get back in her life, even as a friend, because you now have someone else to focus on. How would you feel if your new girl starts posting something along the lines of, 'My new BF is still contacting his ex.'

 

If you have any emotional connection to her left, which you do as you are still not fully over her and are still angry, then limit your contact as much as possible. When you can look back and think, 'That was a time in my life I will never forget, and sure she wronged me but I don't care anymore,' then you are over her and can even start a friendship if that is what you want.

 

thanks man.. i actually had a talk with my current gf yesterday about my ex. i told her that i am not being fair to her as i still have thoughts about my ex.

we were open about it as she too broke up with her ex around the same time as i did.

ok i will limit contact with her.. my feelings and emotions are still unresolved.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You're asking if it right, which means you feel it isn't, but want validation.

I do think you don't want to be with her, but at the same time you do have feelings.

It isn't your responsibility to help her or be there, and she's not the one initiating contact,

so it's best to refrain from getting in contact with her, at least until all feelings are resolved.

 

 

u are right sweetgirl :( i know it is wrong, coz i am just impeding my own progress.. but i really wanted to be a friend for her.

is it even possible to get to a point whereby there would be no longer complicated feelings about her/us anymore and really just be friends?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

yes sputnik buddy, thank you..

i thought i could be a bigger person and try to be there for her. total NC would be difficult as we would see each other at work next week onwards.

i guess i would try to stay away..

 

Anytime buddy.

 

You are already the bigger person by getting on with your life and being happy

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Whatever her issue or problems are in her life they are her responsibility, not yours.

 

She broke up with you and really was not all that nice to you.

So you take care of yourself and move on, you owe this person nothing.

 

Yes, we all want to think of ourselves as a "good" person but rewarding poor treatment or behavior from an ex is not in your job description.

 

Really move forward, have nothing to do with this person.

 

I wish you luck with the new woman...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

thank you all for your replies..

to tell the truth i am not happy yet, i still cry at the thought of us once a awhile. yes, i am moving forward but i certainly have not moved on. but i know forward is the only direction and only choice i have.

similar to many of us here, we had been a pillar of support to our ex, we were each other’s everything for a good period of time.. so it’s gonna take a long while for us to get used to disposing this role. but yes.. i will continue moving forward until the image and shadow of our memories are so blur..

Link to comment
Share on other sites

u are right sweetgirl :( i know it is wrong, coz i am just impeding my own progress.. but i really wanted to be a friend for her.

is it even possible to get to a point whereby there would be no longer complicated feelings about her/us anymore and really just be friends?

 

It is possible, but you both need to feel indifferent towards one another.

If there are any lingering feelings of attraction or a desire to be together , it won't work.

When you completely move on, you most likely will find it easy to be friends.

And by then, you might decide you don't even want to be.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

thanks for that Joker..

 

It does lend good perspective on it. :)

 

Yes sputnik, it came at a good time.. i guess we have to keep going back for reminders.

just a short update.. i briefly saw her walk past me at work today and i pretended to not see her. heard from my colleagues again that she isnt doing well. had to resist the urge to check on her.. the hardest part for me is really having to not care for her anymore.. :(

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hello Joker,

 

That must be tough. One of the main things that has helped me is "falling off her planet", so I haven't seen her for nearly 3 months now.

 

You can care about her buddy.. you just can't tell her you do. I'm sure she knows.

 

Stay strong mate.

 

Thanks buddy. Well it’s hard to totally fall off her planet since we revolve around the same sun (work).. I didnt see her for a good 2months+, healed a fair bit but now its back to haunt me since she’s back at workplace.

I have to admit though, her effect on me has definitely lessened.. I no longer feeling sick in gut when i see her, i kind of accepted her relationship with the new guy, i cry less often..

But she f*cked me up quite badly.. i was always an open book, but my ex.. she’d always changed her words. she lied.. till a point i finally stopped finding excuses for her. but i have serious trust issues now. I have trouble trusting the new girl, I know i shouldnt compare and blame a new one for something the old one did, so i am working on it... i hope this new relationship im building will be healthy.

A big part of me doesnt want my ex back anymore, i accept that things wouldnt be the same again.. but you know this small crazy part of u? that one that whispers.... “hey maybe she will leave him one day and realize her wrong.. maybe fate will bring us back together... maybe...”

it’s stupid i know. and it’s not fair to my current gf.. i am trying to keep the devil out.. but it still haunts me.

we dont stop caring for someone.. no matter how much they did us wrong :( i wished i had been more cold blooded.. i wished i could just really treat like i never knew her at all..

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hello mate,

"I have to admit though, her effect on me has definitely lessened.. I no longer feeling sick in gut when i see her, i kind of accepted her relationship with the new guy, i cry less often.."

- This is decent progress. Remember that. It must be very tough with the ex at the workplace, so I don't envy it. If you do need to cry though, it's important to let it out when it comes.

"But she f*cked me up quite badly"

- I hear you loud and clear! Mine did quite a number on me, to be honest. My friends and family openly tell me it will be difficult for me to trust again.

"A big part of me doesnt want my ex back anymore, i accept that things wouldnt be the same again.. but you know this small crazy part of u? that one that whispers"

- Ditto.. it's madness isn't it. I have now fed that small crazy part to a crocodile..

Haunts is a word that covers it well, but it means you are a decent human being.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

  • Top Discussions this Week

  • Our picks

    • Why You Should NEVER Chase Your Ex
      You should NEVER chase your ex, no matter what... even if you want to get back together. In this video, I’ll explain what exactly I mean by that… and why it’s so important if you want your ex back. Here's the simple truth: if you DO want to give yourself the best possible chance of starting over with your ex, you simply CANNOT let yourself start chasing them… it just doesn’t work, even though it’s the natural human reaction to a breakup and often feels like the right way to get them back. Even if you DON'T want your ex back, you still shouldn't let yourself chase after them. Watch the full video to find out why...

       
      • 0 replies
    • How Do You Know She’s The One? 5 Signs She’s The One & 1 Red Flag! 🚩
      How Do You Know She’s The One? 5 Signs She’s The One & 1 Red Flag! 🚩... In this dating advice video, I will explain to you how to know she’s the one and give you five signs she’s the one as well as give you one red flag that you need to look out for. You may want to know whether she’s the one on first dates, online dating, or somewhere in the dating process. Take heed to these dating tips and be sure to watch the entire video.

       
      • 0 replies
    • 5 Odd Signs You're Seeking Approval from Others Outside of Yourself
      In this YouTube Video, Lisa A Romano discusses 5 signs that indicate you're still seeking approval from others outside of you. If you are codependent, and you struggle with self-love, you may not realize the signs you're seeking approval from others. Childhood trauma and emotional neglect lead to a sense of feeling unseen. If you feel unseen, you may seek approval in odd ways. It may not be obvious when you are looking for validation from others. In this video, Lisa A Romano breaks down these 5 signs, and what they mean; hypervigilance, neediness, low self-worth, never feeling fulfilled and what it means when you become a perpetual seeker.

       
      • 0 replies
    • 3 Simple Strategies To Ditch The Imposter Syndrome
      Have you ever felt like you're a fraud who doesn't belong? According to a recent article published in the International Journal of Behavioral Science, seven in every ten people have or will experience impostor syndrome at some point in their lives. We couldn't see our tribe suffering from this anymore, so we brought in the person who'll help you ditch this feeling for good. In this video, peak performance expert Shadé Zahrai joins Vishen to discuss how to supercharge your life and improve your self-esteem by constructing your own reality, leveraging your self-awareness, and regaining control over your inner critic

       
      • 0 replies
    • 5 Things People Who’ve Been Mentally Abused Do
      Do you know how common mental abuse is? According to The National Center for Biotechnology Information, 80 percent of the population has experienced some form of abusive relationship and behavior. However, despite how frequent it is, emotional abuse is still hard to spot. Unlike physical abuse, mental abuse doesn’t leave any visible scars; instead, it affects someone’s behavior, mindset, and mentality. This means some people deny they’ve been mentally abused, and others may not even recognize the toxic behavior. So, whether you’re reading this to be able to recognize emotional abuse in others or recognize it in yourself, these a few things people who’ve been mentally abused do are sure to help you be more empathetic and kinder.

       
      • 0 replies
×
×
  • Create New...