ArianaTanmi Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 Hi everyone! We sustain in a committed long distance relationship and for the last month his behavior has changed. We don’t have morning /evening calls, which in the beginning he told was because of problems at work. Sometimes he was dissapearing and seeing my call and never calling back. In the evenings I felt he intentionally didn’t reply for a long time because he knew I can call him. I was patient and thought that problems at work can be hard. But for the last week he was answering me with a 4-6 hours delay, never call, and when I start texting in the evening he said “sorry I’m going out now” I felt smth is going completely wrong and I called him in a hour. He missed all my calls. The following morning I called him and he delayed my calls. I asked what happened and he texted “oh I just woke up, I have to run” When in the day I asked him what is happening , tell me, he ignored and told me “everything is fine” Then I was thinking and contemplating all facts I came to conclusion he is cheating on me and doesn’t want to tell me that. Since before he always called to me intentionally showing he is alone in the flat (I didn’t ask for that) and now he is always unavailable in the mornings and evenings. When I tried to break up he said I’m crazy and what is going on... Now I left home for holidays and we don’t talk much. For 2-3 days we haven’t texted each other. He congratulated me with new year and then disappeared again. Even I see him online in Whats up , he doesn’t open my messages for hours .. Who has been in the same situation? It’s just me overreacting and insecure or smth is really happening ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milly007 Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 I think once you've established a pattern of communication and it changes, where communication becomes less frequent, it can be hurtful. So I get it. However, if you tried to talk to him, and he says everything is fine, you have to determine if YOUR needs are being met in the relationship. Whatever you do, unless you have some hard evidence that he's cheating, don't accuse him of this. Accusing him of cheating without any clear evidence is a great way to turn him off from the relationship. You either have to accept the way things are, or break it off, unfortunately. To hold out hope that he's going to change after he's told you everything is fine, most likely is a waste of time. Why bother investing in a relationship that isn't fulfilling, and making you happy? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smackie9 Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 Just because his behavior changes doesn't always mean he is cheating. Sometimes people just simply lose interest and do the slow fade because they are too much of a coward to end it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ArianaTanmi Posted January 1, 2018 Author Share Posted January 1, 2018 Yes, but when I told him I’m going to help him and will break up he doesn’t let me go telling he loves me. That’s pretty strange. Because all his behavior shows he doesn’t have any interest to me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milly007 Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 Yes, but when I told him I’m going to help him and will break up he doesn’t let me go telling he loves me. That’s pretty strange. Because all his behavior shows he doesn’t have any interest to me That's why you have to determine if this is something you can live with in your relationship. His actions remain the same, yet he tells you he loves you. Can you live with this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melancholy123 Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 I dont know if he's cheating but I'd say he's lost interest in you. How about you stop trying to contact him and see what happens? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katrina1980 Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 Don't know if he's cheating but it sure sounds like he's lost interest in you and this "relationship." When a man fades out like this, for the love of * stop texting and calling him! No disrespect but I was feeling suffocated just reading how often you were texting/calling. I can't imagine having to experience all that. Men need space sometimes, please learn this. So do some women, but "most" men do in my experience. To get back to themselves as men (so to speak), to re-group mentally/emotionally or simply to enjoy some lone time. By the way, have you met this man in person? If, so how often do you get together? Often times I read posts from someone saying they're in a "long distance" relationship, when what it really is, is a "cyber" relationship, they've never met in person. Makes a difference, what is the distance between you? Anyway, just leave him alone, give him a chance to wonder about you and miss you. That said, it IS possible he's met someone else; long distance relationships, cyber relationships are extremely difficult to maintain. Best of luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ArianaTanmi Posted January 1, 2018 Author Share Posted January 1, 2018 Firstly we have met each other in person. Spent some time together and then he offered to continue relationship since I’m moving to him the next year. We live in different countries for now. We are trying to see each other as often as we can but still struggle with obstacles Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 How much time have you spent together in person? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ArianaTanmi Posted January 1, 2018 Author Share Posted January 1, 2018 We have met and we lived together for 2 weeks. Then I was visiting a lot. We even had time to live together for a month in a summer time Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katrina1980 Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 Firstly we have met each other in person. Spent some time together and then he offered to continue relationship since I’m moving to him the next year. We live in different countries for now. We are trying to see each other as often as we can but still struggle with obstacles Okay you've met in person, spent time together, fabulous! I wasn't sure which is why I asked. Nevertheless, it still appears he is losing (of has lost) interest and has faded out, and you're chasing him. Stop doing that, it's not working. It's pushing him further away. Best to you; doesn't look good, but hope it works out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 I can't say whether he's cheating, but he does appear to have lost interest, OP. A man who truly wants you isn't going to let 2 or 3 days pass with zero contact. Sorry girl, but you are you probably facing the beginning of the end with this guy, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ArianaTanmi Posted January 1, 2018 Author Share Posted January 1, 2018 How to understand then? When I’m trying to break up he is repeating he is madly in love and that I’m giving up on him?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ArianaTanmi Posted January 1, 2018 Author Share Posted January 1, 2018 To make it straight: for the year I wasn’t initiating all calls and messages and that’s why I see a great difference. I know all people need their space and I’ve never been controlling or suffocating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katrina1980 Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 How to understand then? When I’m trying to break up he is repeating he is madly in love and that I’m giving up on him?? I don't know, but if he's not treating you respectfully, ignoring messages/calls, etc, or even if you're not happy with how he's treating you, just break up, you don't need his permission. I've had guys throw the "why are you abandoning me?" crap at me, it's BS. Your BF knows he's treating you poorly. He's shifting the blame to you, saying "you're giving up on me" it's bull shyt in my opinion. Pay attention to how he's actually treating you, not what he "says." You should not have to tolerate treatment like this, there's a great big world out there, chock full of great men who won't treat you so dismissively. Don't allow him to make you feel guilty, he's manipulating you. He may very well be seeing someone else, but still needs you, hundreds of miles away as a safety net. I wouldn't tolerate that, but your call. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katrina1980 Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 To make it straight: for the year I wasn’t initiating all calls and messages and that’s why I see a great difference. I know all people need their space and I’ve never been controlling or suffocating. Ok, great. When a man starts to fade out, like your BF appears to be doing, continue that behavior. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ArianaTanmi Posted January 1, 2018 Author Share Posted January 1, 2018 Thank you Katrina! I had a very good insight after your messages. How do you think what is the best strategy for now? Just don’t text and call and wait ? Or initiate a break up ? How long you should wait until break up with a guy who is not interested ahahah :) trying to be cheerful even though it hurts Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katrina1980 Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 Thank you Katrina! I had a very good insight after your messages. How do you think what is the best strategy for now? Just don’t text and call and wait ? Or initiate a break up ? How long you should wait until break up with a guy who is not interested ahahah :) trying to be cheerful even though it hurts You're very welcome! If it were me, I would just start fading out too. Not sure if this is the "right" thing to do but it's what I would do. Like I said before, give him a chance to wonder about you and miss you. I am glad to hear you're still trying to be cheerful! It's important to stay upbeat and positive even when life tosses you 'lemons' sometimes. Good luck and happy new year! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ArianaTanmi Posted January 1, 2018 Author Share Posted January 1, 2018 That’s a great advice and I will follow it :) Thank you Katrina! Happy new year! )) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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