" Sexting" - how do i deal with this

[Katanda]

Me and my bf have been together just short of 2 years, friends at the beginning. Literally my best friend, and i know nothing is perfect but our relationship was as close as can be. No arguments, always supportive of each other and he treated me like a princess. He moved in with me and my house mate and in a weeks time we were supposed to be looking for our own place.

 

I cant explain it but the past weeks i had this feeling. I have been burned every past relationship in the past and i dont have much of a family. 2 nights ago i sat him down and said moving in was massive for me for this reason, i wanted kids with him one day etc and i cant go into this feeling like somethings not okay so this is his last chance to tell me. He swore blind hed never hurt me amd hes dont nothing wrong. Last night the feeling something was up was overwhelming and i went through his phone (i know,i know) . All over facebook he has been messaging women tens of them. Some are simply hi sexy how are you. But many are him giving out his number to add him on whatsapp and they vice versa where they send pictures. One was particularly concerning of a married woman with kids who he wrote to often and said things like she should have said her husbands out he would have came around and she was very open to this, seemed like they messaged alot about day to day things to. Im even mentioned in the messagw right before some texting which is a massive slap in the face

 

I woke him.up and asked him to leave and he never said a word. He left and text me saying hes sorry i dont deserve this etc. But that he knows how it looks but hes never actually cheated or done anything physical.

 

But you know now i look back and as happy as we were hed stopped hugging me at night, stopped holding my hand. Was this down to his own feelings of shame? We were having less sex, but i put it down to us being tired as we were both in hospitality jobs over christmas

 

To make matters worse we work together. I was looking for a new job anyway so i can get out eventually. He said he cant come to work because hes too ashamed to see me he cant even look at me. I persuaded him to and that i wouldnt make it awkward.

 

Im so hurt my best friend in the whole world has done this to me. We literally were the opposite sex versions of each other. How am i ever supposed to know if anything more happened, if shed left her address and said yes come now would he have gone? I know none if you have that answer,but i guess i need some guidance from someone who has experienced something similar before..thanks to all in advance. X

[Hollyj]

Good on you for getting this lying, cheat out!

 

He has been cheating on you all along. At the very least he is emotionally cheating, and I would bet money ,physically cheating.

 

I'm sorry, for the the deceit. People like this do not change. It is ingrained when they require so much attention.

[KJthereal]

The best thing you can do is move forward. Luckily he has left you alone and given you your space. He knows what he has done is shameful and wrong. It does not matter if it got physical or not (mind you, it's a bit late to start taking him at his word now) all that matters is he lied and cheated on your relationship. The best thing is to be kind on yourself and not let it destroy you or cause insecurity. The most beautiful, sucsessful women like Beyonce have been cheated on. Truth is a lot of men just don't know how to be monogamous and are so insecure they can't pass up on more female attention. The problem lies within your ex boyfriend, not you.

 

Just take care of yourself and spend time doing things you enjoy, such as time with friends or whatever hobbies relax you. Keep him blocked so you don't need to think or hear about him (that is what I would personally do, it is hard but is major to help the healing process). You have done absouloutley nothing wrong and can move on from this relationship knowing you are a good women and you dodged a bullet. He on the other hand will have to face his guilty conscious and realize he has lost a great woman forever.

[ThatwasThen]

This is the new addiction of the age it seems.

 

Titillation from the written word on a screen. Soon enough there will be a Sexting Anonamous group to help chronic attention wh***s.

 

He won't stop this without the help of a support group or personal therapy. Be glad he's gone from your life, heal and find someone that knows how to get on without the addiction.

[boltnrun]

You deal with it by staying away from him and not giving in because you "miss" him.

 

He would have continued doing what he was doing because he didn't think you'd catch him. If he promises to never do it again, he will just hide it better.

 

Apparently he likes attention from lots of females. Now he's free to get as much of it as he wants. And YOU don't have to agonize over whether or not he's still trolling other women because you're done.

[katrina1980]

I'm not a fan of snooping but you know what?? In this case, after you talked to him and he denied denied denied, you absolutely did the right thing.

 

I've been betrayed too, not cheating (well he probably cheated too) but was lied to about something else, very serious, so I totally understand how you feel.

 

I just walked out, got my own place, and changed my phone number.

 

Blocking wouldn't have worked cause knowing him, he would have just called from another number.

 

So I changed it. This was easy to do because the emotion I was feeling at the time was NOT hurt, it was ANGER. The hurt came later. Then sadness, then longing, then anger again, then hurt, longing, back to sadness, and so on and so forth.

 

Be prepared to experience all those conflicting emotions too in your healing process.

 

I've said this before, but once trust is gone, you have nothing.

 

It took a long time to move on for good, dated other guys, had many positive/negative experiences along the way, but after two years, I finally met a man, honest, straightforward, stable and real, and very happy.

 

Best of luck to you....

 

hugs xx

[HeartGoesOn]

" Sexting" - how do i deal with this

 

You don't deal with it. This is his little hobby, that goes hand and hand with his little mind.

 

I'd like to think that you have enough respect for yourself to send this clown packing.

[Usa1ah]

There is a husband that had been dealing with this.

 

They have been married around 15 to 20 years.

 

She started sexting around two years ago.

 

It has been 7 months since he found out and still doesn’t know if he is going to stay. His wife is not real remorseful and doesn’t see what the big deal is. When he found out she went to stay at her moms at his request. She was going out with her gf’s like nothing happened.

 

You are the only one that see you bf face to face. Is he remorseful or not?

 

Is he trying to show that he knows he f’d up?

 

Is he trying to make it right?

 

If not leave.

 

If he is then you need to decide if you can forgive.

[Honeycomb8]

^ It honestly doesn't matter if he's remorseful or knows he's ed up. The only thing the OP should do is end things. Somebody that does this will not stop if you condone it. Giving them chances will lead to disappointment and time wasted.

 

I suggest the husband in ur example gets a divorce. The wife isn't sorry and won't stop. The husband needs to get some self respect.

[LuvFleetwoodMa]

He is not the male version of you because you would not do what he did. You've got to see that the quality in you is far greater, and you need to focus on that to show your next employer why they need to hire you and send you on to better things! Use your hurt to learn, grow, and fuel a need to better yourself. The more you take care of you in this time of hurt, the more clearly you will see how there is better for you out there.

 

Other posters have had some really good advice, about moving on. The extent to which he did it, tells me he is pretty invested in getting his ego kicks, without thinking about you. And the lying tells me he knows it's wrong (or knows you'll think it's wrong) but doesn't respect you or himself enough to take responsibility for his actions. He has a lot of growing up to do, and he may never do it. You deserve better.

 

Would you want your son to behave this way? How would you raise a son? Were you to marry this guy, what role model would he be?

 

Also, katrina1980 said she struggled with different emotions after her break up. Beware of that when you have to see him at work. It may be tempting to fall for any of his overtures or apologies, and get back together. It sounds manipulative that he is saying how he can't go to work and see you. It just sounds like stuff he is saying so he doesn't have to think you're mad at him. If he really felt bad he never would have done it, or he wouldn't have done it as much, and he would have confessed to you on his own.

 

Moving on to a new job is probably going to bring you a lot of luck and better things in 2018. I wish that for you! I hope you have the right opportunity to do it soon, to sever ties with him!