I miss him, but am unsure of what to do next

[joyce]

I was seeing this guy over the summer for a few weeks. We went on a few awesome dates, and he was giving me every sign that he was super into me. When I left town to go back to school, he told me he really wanted to keep in touch and wanted to try to visit each other periodically throughout the semester. We kept texting every day, and were flirting a ton.

 

After about a month of that, he ended up asking if we could just be friends. I didn’t want to lose him completely so I agreed, but backed off so he could determine the dynamic of how it would work. He continued texting me almost every day, and when I went home for breaks over the next month or so (twice), he requested time off work and made plans to see me. Everything was kept completely platonic during these and we would have a great time hanging out. I don’t know how he felt, but I felt like we were friends. I don’t feel like I was giving off any vibe that I was still hoping it would be more than that.

 

During the last time I was home, we were talking a lot about plans for the next time I was home. He wanted to cook for me and I wanted to cook something for him, we had a fun bet we had to follow through on, and he wanted to take me out on his parent’s boat. But then he suddenly started fading. He began to text less and, even when he initiated which was probably 90% of the time, he would only respond to one or two before the conversation died. The next time I went home, I asked him to hang out and he said he was just too busy. Texts became more sparse, and the last time I was home I texted him asking him if he wanted to catch up, to which he didn’t answer at all for two days, until we saw each other in person and he addressed it, saying he wanted to but was too busy with the holidays to do anything over the few days I was home. I know for a fact he was busy, but still.

 

I was disappointed and trying to understand. Some people led me to believe I was being too much and coming across as psycho, even though I had barely been the initiator, and had only asked him to hang out twice. I just shut it down to spare myself embarrassment. For the few weeks between Thanksgiving and when I got home for my Christmas break, we didn’t speak at all.

 

I got back and started seeing him at mutual friend gatherings a lot. Through these gatherings, it became clear to me that he wasn’t seeing someone else. I even had friends ask me privately if I was dating him, which perplexed me. We were still friendly to each other, saying hi and making small talk, but it was a bit awkward. I once mentioned the bet we had made, and he said we’d have to find time to do that but never followed up on it. But as the weeks have gone by with me being home and we’ve run into each other more and more, we’ve begun to feel normal together again. Last night we saw each other at a gathering and ended up off in a corner chatting by ourselves for an hour. He’s always been a bit awkward, and I know he has some anxiety issues he’s working out. Even when he was super into me, I had to coax him a little bit to get up the courage to ask me out, and had to be SUPER clear beforehand that I would respond positively to it. I’m not sure if this is that kind of thing again, or if he just genuinely wants me to go away.

 

I want to ask him what happened or even if we just can spend some time together again, but I don’t want to seem desperate or like I’m chasing him. I’m home for two more weeks, then I’m going to be away for a while. Do I drop it and just accept that he’s not into me, or do I ask him what the heck happened? How would I even go about asking him if I did?

[Hollyj]

I think you should drop it.

 

I think he will simply end up being an acquaintance. Sorry.

[hopelessromcom]

If you still want a strong friendship between the two of you I think it's okay to ask him what happened. Maybe be a little soft in asking him such as "Hey was it something I did that maybe caused us to fade apart?" or "I really like that we're good friends again and I don't want this to fade like it did last time, is there something we can do to keep this still going?". If he doesn't respond properly to that then it's safe to say you should drop him and move on. Never get with someone who is hot and cold, you need someone of consistency, best of luck to your future relationships

[Rozhni]

The best thing to do is not think about him and focus on other areas in your life. Most people can’t just do that though. I’m sure you want some clarification before you move on. If you choose to get that clarification from him, your odds of a positive outcome are slim. There’s really no reason for it because it’s easy to see that he’s no longer wanting something with you besides being on good terms. Trust me, I’ve done this to a girl that I kinda liked but after a month or so I just lost interest and wanted to remain friends. She asked me out a few times and I made excuses and she got the hint. 4 months later I reached out to her again and we went out but again, I just wasn’t feeling her. If you don’t say anything to him, he’ll more likely one day start things back up with you. Move on, don’t wait, but be open. The problem with me was I was chasing another girl while I was ignoring the ones who wanted me.

[figureitout23]

I want to ask him what happened or even if we just can spend some time together again, but I don’t want to seem desperate or like I’m chasing him. I’m home for two more weeks, then I’m going to be away for a while. Do I drop it and just accept that he’s not into me, or do I ask him what the heck happened? How would I even go about asking him if I did?

 

If you ask him, unfortunately it will come off as you're chasing him. I mean you have been chasing him, even if he has social anxiety he should at least be matching your enthusiasm.

 

I personally think you should just let it go and see if he steps up, if he does great, if he doesn't... it's up to you to keep going but you will be chasing him.