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This is a difficult post to make however I really need some advice and guidance. For the past year my partner has not been interested in having sex or being intimate with me. We are a same sex couple, she use to be so close to me but now there's a giant wedge between us. If I try to ask her why there's a new excuse each time, either she's tired, has a headache, wants to play on her phone ect. There's always something, it's got to the point now where she gets so mad if I ask her why she's not interested in me anymore. I don't know what to do, I feel so ugly and unwanted. We have been together 4 years, have our own home, our own jobs so we aren't around each other 24/7, meaning we each get our own space. I just don't know what I'm doing wrong! A tiny part of me wonders is she's found someone else, or is thinking about finding someone else but I just don't know of she'd do that to me. Yet I can't think what is causing this. Any advice would be appreciated. Thankyou for taking the time to read.

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maybe write her a letter and sort out your thoughts... then talk to her. communication is important and even if she gets mad she should be willing to talk about it or what's the point? it's no fun being on eggshells and if you really don't know... how is that fair to you?

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How is the quality of your relationship with her besides sex and physical intimacy? Are the two of you still close? Do you go on dates? Or is she just all around distant with you?

 

If it's coming down to the physical stuff, there could be a number of factors at play. Hormones, stress, depression & low self esteem....If I were in your shoes I would probably try one last time to get the ball rolling. Maybe plan a romantic getaway, anything that can get you two to bond and help set the mood. If you are able to go out and connect/have a good time, it may be easier to get your partner to be open to sex.

 

I try to be understanding that there are many factors in life that can affect libido , and my partner may not always want sex the same time I want it (and I am the type who is ALWAYS up for it, my S/o has turned me down before) but if your partner is constantly with holding sex and intimacy from you that may be a problem that is hard to work through. Especially if she was not like this for the majority of the relationship. I think some honest communication needs to be had. You don't need to come at her accusingly or give an ultimatum, just be honest that the lack of physical affection is leaving you feel unwanted and doubtful of where her mind is at. Don't make it all about the actual act of sex but more about intimacy in general...if she cannot give you that than maybe the relationship needs to be reconsidered.

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She has changed all round, we use to have a great relationship, so fun and loving. We'd go on date nights, spend time with family and friends ect but lately all she does is tell me I'm irritating her. I told her a while ago the way she's being all together is making me feel so unloved and she just tells me I'm being pathetic. I'm hoping to plan a little break away for the new year, hopefully she'll look forward to it. I'm just so confused.

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Sorry, but this sounds over, The way she responded to your feelings was very unloving and disrespectful. It sounds like you are now roommates.

 

If she is not open to rectifying things, then you should plan you exit from this relationship.

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Sorry, but this sounds over, The way she responded to your feelings was very unloving and disrespectful. It sounds like you are now roommates.

 

If she is not open to rectifying things, then you should plan you exit from this relationship.

 

I sadly think you're right, I've known for a while that it's probably the right thing to do but it's such a daunting move to make. I've previously said it feels like were just friends but she denies feeling that way, giving me hope, then goes right back to treating me horribly, hate being made to feel so confused all the time. I've been a doormat for too long I think!

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