Aftermath and Feelings

[AtitAgain]

Is it normal to feel worse about hurting your partner, than for what you actually did?

 

Like don't get me wrong, I know what I did was wrong, and I feel bad about it... but what absolutely makes me feel awful is how much it hurt my gf - I guess ex-gf now. She was super sweet and nice to me, did not deserve this at all, and is SO broken. Just... crushed... and I feel awful about it...

 

I keep listening to a song - Linger - The Cranberries, and thinking about how she must feel, and yeah... this is definitely the worse part of it for me. Losing her off course, but... how much she must be hurting, and she did nothing to deserve it....

[AlexSays]

Well, I myself am going through the same. I betrayed my bf - tho it was not cheating. I just lied about something and fooled him. I have finally accepted that I lost him, do not want us back together, and think we both are better off.

 

However, the guilt of hurting him like this is what still breaks me to this day. 3mo after break up.

 

I’m hoping the guilt will one day go away.

[Wiseman2]

When people are in the throes of a contentious divorce they often cause a lot of collateral damage to those they try to date. She will get get over it.

what absolutely makes me feel awful is how much it hurt my gf - I guess ex-gf now. She was super sweet and nice to me, did not deserve this at all, and is SO broken.

[shessofly]

Crazy how in your last thread a couple of posters called this very outcome and you told them it was time to start taking drama lessons. Worse for her, must be the fact that this happened so long ago and you carried on as if nothing happened. Like Wiseman said, she will get over it in time but yeah, that does really suck for her. Hopefully this is behavior you never repeat. As for her, may she never decide to date a man who is still married (even if separated) again.

[AtitAgain]

Crazy how in your last thread a couple of posters called this very outcome and you told them it was time to start taking drama lessons. Worse for her, must be the fact that this happened so long ago and you carried on as if nothing happened. Like Wiseman said, she will get over it in time but yeah, that does really suck for her. Hopefully this is behavior you never repeat. As for her, may she never decide to date a man who is still married (even if separated) again.

 

Such a douche thing to say.... but you know, it is so much easier to portray an image of "I am so cool, I got this, I don't care, I am a tough dude", than to actually talk about how you truly feel. Even to yourself, telling yourself that to empower yourself and not feel bad.

[shessofly]

In hindsight do you think it would have been best to fess up and/or just end the relationship after this happened?

[AtitAgain]

In hindsight do you think it would have been best to fess up and/or just end the relationship after this happened?

 

In hindsight I should have talked to my girlfriend in April when my ex-wife stated calling me over to have sex, and confessed to her that I was feeling tempted. I know that that would have been hard on her, and maybe even hurt her a bit, but I would have been honest, and odds are I would not have done what I did. We would have talked long and hard about what that would mean, and even if she was hurt that I was tempted, she would have appreciated my honesty.

 

If I could even go back to just after the time I had already cheated, I should have at least never ever done it again. It happened 4-5 times... which is inexcusable. If it had happened just the once, and I fessed up 6 months later or whatever, it would be more likely that she would forgive me.