Journal for 2018

[hidden_kitten]

 

2018 resolutions:

Eat healthier (less alcohol, try to cut fizzy altogether, less junk).

Failed on this one - still drink Pepsi like it’s on tap and with shifts at rubbish times I still resort to junk food. I’m surprised the girls in the chip shop don’t say “the usual?” whenever I walk in.

 

 

Exercise more (never done a proper workout in my life)

Didn’t happen either. However removing the front row of theatre seats and 20 heavy 6x2 ft tables every week is probably doing something for my arm strength...

 

 

Like the OP, declutter/gut out my room of ***** so I can move out easily when the time comes.

Got worse before it got better, currently have a bin bag open and decanting a lot into it so at least I’m beginning 2019 as I mean to go on!

 

 

Go on at least one date (been single 3 years with very little attention and it's getting very old).

Met two men off dating apps and still seeing the second. It’s been a month since we’ve started talking with...5 meets maybe? Saw him last night in Edinburgh, didn’t get home until midnight and he was hinting at meeting again today, however I declined because I feel it’s a lot in a short space in time! I must be too used to be being alone!

 

Read more. Don't think I finished any books this year. Started about five though!

 

Failed. Carry on for next year.

 

Draw more. The only accomplishment of 2017 I'm proud of was filling a sketchbook. Next year I want to start (and complete) something substantial. And maybe sell it!

 

Also failed. Also renewed for 2019. May have a commission coming up so that may boot me up the erse!

 

 

 

***insert various ten characters here***

[Jibralta]

Not bad, not bad!

[hidden_kitten]

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about changing my name. I cringe at my surname now and then - together with my first name it sounds like a local landmark...to the point that some people don’t believe me when I tell them my full name. I’ve never felt that connected to my first name either. I could shorten it, and my middle name can be used as a surname.

 

Fresh start too far?

[hidden_kitten]

A friend called me yesterday and we chatted for a bit. I can’t go into too much detail incase it identifies me. But basically, she doesn’t have a lot of tact and made some remarks about me that on the surface were tongue-in-cheek, but I’m now wondering what she meant by saying it at all. One was remarking how I’d need psychological support...comes from a good place I suppose but now I wish I’d never told her how depressed I’ve been in the past. If she’s just going to treat it like a joke, f her.

[dias]

A friend called me yesterday and we chatted for a bit. I can’t go into too much detail incase it identifies me. But basically, she doesn’t have a lot of tact and made some remarks about me that on the surface were tongue-in-cheek, but I’m now wondering what she meant by saying it at all. One was remarking how I’d need psychological support...comes from a good place I suppose but now I wish I’d never told her how depressed I’ve been in the past. If she’s just going to treat it like a joke, f her.

The tongue-in-cheek thing is not always tongue-in-cheek. It depends on the inflection of the voice (and facial expression). Many times it is just concealed nastiness. I am not saying that this is the case but I hate when people do that and then say "I said it tongue-in-cheek, don't get offended so easily". Hope she comes from a good place!

[hidden_kitten]

Yeah, and I do find it hard to interpret other people’s tone so over the phone makes it even more difficult. I’m a doormat anyway so some people think they can say anything they like to me without thinking and I don’t push back...wish I knew how. She makes a lot of assumptions now and then...and she’s hoping to get a psychologist role!