Journal for 2018

[hidden_kitten]

I’ve been on a rolling contract that gets renewed every 4 months...although i was never explicitly told it would be for a full year, just that it was “fixed-term”. My predecessor has gone very quiet so I don’t think she’s coming back. The last time I saw her she hadn’t yet told our boss officially. I’m still on the rota until end of December, and it’s been a nightmare coordinating days off for my trips away - in an email AND in person I told boss I was away for a weekend. I get handed the October rota and I’m still scheduled that week, fuuuuuuuuu!

 

So, I’m still in this ****hole. It means I’ll have nearly £20k saved by 2019 so that will make it easier to move out. I’m assuming I’ll get another 4 month extension, then I’m thinking of applying for a transfer with my retail job up to the capital. If I find time I’ll look for other full time work that I actually want!

[dias]

So, I’m still in this ****hole. It means I’ll have nearly £20k saved by 2019 so that will make it easier to move out. I’m assuming I’ll get another 4 month extension, then I’m thinking of applying for a transfer with my retail job up to the capital. If I find time I’ll look for other full time work that I actually want!

 

Sound thinking. I find it very difficult to look for another job whilst working full time. I always have to sneak to another room in order to answer phone calls. The difficult part is when you have to go to the interview. You will have to take a day off since most employers don't want to meet early in the morning or after work. On the other hand, leaving a full time job without having something lined up is not the wisest thing to do.

 

Hope it will work out for you :) I still haven't visited Edinburgh unfortunately, have heard it's a beautiful city :)

[hidden_kitten]

Yes must be tricky, my sister has had a number of jobs since leaving home and I’ve no idea how she fitted in interviews! I’m lucky in that sense with two part time jobs that include weekend days - I have Mondays and Tuesdays off and I don’t start work until after 4pm on Wednesdays so in theory have time for interviews if I searched properly. When I finish the art job I can take overtime at the retail job, who have really been struggling with people off sick and little cover.

 

I love Edinburgh, just feels like home to me. Love the old town architecture. Was at a friends flat party a couple of weeks ago - he’s in an area very close to the centre and there’s access to the roof where there’s stunning 360 degree view over the city skyline. I sneakily wanted to ask how much he’s paying for it, although he is living with his partner and has a science degree so has probably been earning considerably more than I have!

[hidden_kitten]

Logged back into the dating apps. Got some matches on Bumble but I chickened out of sending the first messages! Since then, no matches really. Some cute guys though!

 

On OKCupid I’ve had my first weird interaction. Guy messaged asking if I was interested in art/photography, had a brief exchange how he’s just moved to Scotland and the places he wanted to see...cool, but then wanted me to go on a trip with him immediately to see some sights. Not quite a day trip either! Explained that I had work so couldn’t take off anywhere at such short notice, and that I probably wouldn’t go on such a journey for a first meet...I was immediately blocked! Am I the idiot here?

 

Ah well. Still really unorganised for my trip down south . Hope my friend is free to meet up, need to call him soon and see if he’s about.

[dias]

Logged back into the dating apps. Got some matches on Bumble but I chickened out of sending the first messages! Since then, no matches really. Some cute guys though!

 

and that I probably wouldn’t go on such a journey for a first meet...I was immediately blocked! Am I the idiot here?

 

You dodged a bullet certainly.

 

On the other hand, I think you will have better results if you message guys first-the ones you matched.

[Jibralta]

On OKCupid I’ve had my first weird interaction. Guy messaged asking if I was interested in art/photography, had a brief exchange how he’s just moved to Scotland and the places he wanted to see...cool, but then wanted me to go on a trip with him immediately to see some sights. Not quite a day trip either! Explained that I had work so couldn’t take off anywhere at such short notice, and that I probably wouldn’t go on such a journey for a first meet...I was immediately blocked! Am I the idiot here?

 

Nope, you are definitely not the idiot. Try not to take things like that to heart. You really don't know who's on the other side of the computer until you meet in person.

[hidden_kitten]

Thanks guys, I’m not taking it too personally, best of luck to him! It’s very odd this online business. Got a couple of matches on Bumble but I’ve noooo idea what to say. There’s very little on their profiles (there was a character limit last time I edited my profile and it’s very image focused). Not that I don’t enjoy seeing who’s out there, just would be nice to have a bit more to go on! My previous messages to men were ignored, even having matched and referring to things in their profile. Perhaps I should trial “hey” this time around...

 

I didn’t get to sleep until 6am this morning, was up at 9.15 and just made my 10am shift. I’m dreading a craft fair at the arts centre in a couple of months (weeks now). It’s fallen to me to organise as much as poss but I’m so nervous. I need to call the girl who looked after it last year for advice but I know that’s just wimping out! Grow some balls, Hidden Kitten!

[dias]

Grow some balls, Hidden Kitten!

You don't really want that, do you? Teasing you :)

[hidden_kitten]

Well, no ;). There is a running joke among my “gang” from high school that I secretly was a dude and had the largest d*** out of all of us (most of my friends were guys). It was all in good humour, I think. Need some BDE of my own for real though

[hidden_kitten]

In London right now having a fantastic time. Saw my favourite band play a special show tonight, their only UK gig this year, and it was definitely worth the journey. Possibly my favourite gig ever! Actually that’s not completely true - the best was stellastarr* at the dingy Reading Rooms in Dundee but that’s a whole other post.

 

I would write more about my trip so far but I want to pack in a few things tomorrow so must try to sleep!

[hidden_kitten]

Loved my visit to London, so much that I’m thinking of going back in the next year. Or hopefully not leaving it for a whole 7 years like my last visit in 2011!

 

Travelled down on the train to Kings Cross, straight onto the tube for a couple of minutes to the stop near my hotel. Got my bearings, took a leisurely walk down to West Smithfield checking out alleyways on the way that led to little pubs and interesting buildings. William Wallace was executed near St Barts Hospital which is opposite the hotel; there is a plaque on the wall that was already adorned with Saltire flags and ‘Yes’ badges. Checked in and decided to walk around the ‘neighbourhood’ just to get a feel for my surroundings, this ended up being a two hour walk involving the Museum of London and getting slightly lost around Bank/St Paul’s. Spent an hour in the Museum of London before it closed for the night. I would have liked to have seen the photography exhibition they had on downstairs and come back to do some sketching but ran out of time!

 

Note to self - DON’T do this on only a meagre lunch during the train ride. I found myself getting very faint and had to dive into the nearest McDonald’s to get something quick. Total cop out in terms of checking out the local restaurants but meant I wasn’t passing out! Took some photos of St Paul’s Cathedral as it got dark then headed back up to the hotel. I was wary about having my phone out all the time for directions but noticed everyone else had their nose stuck into a device as they hurried along! Learned to nip out the way to look something up and get out of everyone’s way quickly.

 

On the Saturday I had made arrangements to meet up with a friend who’s lived in London on and off since uni. He works in vfx and in theory should have the inside scoop for getting into the industry. He comes off as pessimistic about EVERYTHING though, always has, for example nowhere pays enough, studios employ total jokers etc etc. If I’ve not moved to London by now though, I’m probably too old for it. We had tea in Soho then went for Taiwanese food for lunch. Never had bao buns before, really delicious! Then found a doughnut place and a quick nose around art supply shop/comic book store. My friend had other plans in town so to kill some time we nipped into the National Portrait Gallery for a short while. On entering we came to the ‘Black is the New Black’ exhibition - celebrating prominent British black personalities working today (Thandie Newton, Trevor McDonald). Really nicely laid out but found that I seemed to be getting in the way of how others were experiencing/recording the exhibition - most black visitors were taking selfies or having friends take their photo with the portraits in the background. Then me awkwardly hanging out the way!

 

When friend left I went down Oxford Street to do some shopping, would have liked to have done more of that too but didn’t want to tire myself out too much before my gig in the evening.

 

On way back to the hotel I grabbed some snacks to have before I went out (still full from meal earlier), then got changed and ready to see Mew at the Barbican. The gig was in two halves - first half were ‘hit’ songs then second half was the album ‘Frengers’ in full. It was strange being a seated gig, really thought they would do more of an acoustic set but judging by the bands entry into ‘Circuitry of the Wolf’ they were not holding back! So much so, that in the second half by the third song ‘Snow Brigade’ the front rows of the ground stalls just stood up to dance along, and the rest of us followed suit! They had a string section join them for the songs that required it, however it was quite distracting having them walk on and off all the time. Perhaps they should have grouped all the string numbers together for this show.

 

Went back to the hotel extremely happy with this year’s Mew fix and a new band Tshirt!

 

More London write up to follow.

[hidden_kitten]

Crunched some numbers; will not hit the 20k mark in January. More like 17 - 18k, depending on how strict I am with a budget. Still not a bad effort for two bottom rung jobs.

[hidden_kitten]

More notes on London Oct 2018: the band didn’t play Circuitry, d’oh, I’m mixing that up with Repeaterbeater. Also Apocalypso was very heavy and driving. It might have been the end of that song where Silas’ drumming was slightly more out of kilter than usual and it was amusing watching bassist Johan trying to keep up/make sense of it! I must also note that this venue had the largest screen backdrop that I’ve seen the band use, and it worked very well with the animated projections made by Jonas.

 

On Sunday I left the hotel later than I would have liked and didn’t reach Tower Hill until half 11. I had missed breakfast at the hotel so thought I’d better get some food before going into the Tower of London. Various food stalls on the hill, charging NINE POUNDS for fish and chips, yikes. I opted for a panini which was still extortionate but not by that much. Buying the entry ticket on the day was also pricey, but there’s lots to do and I was there until 4pm (and still hadn’t seen everything there) so you do get your money’s worth. Decided to queue for the Crown Jewels first before it got really busy. The line moved quite quickly and think I was out the other side in an hour overall, and that was with doubling back and taking notes in my sketchbook about some of the displays. I liked getting to see the detail of the Imperial Mantle and Stole. Also the boxes on the way out that were perfectly shaped for each item when they go out for use at ceremonies.

 

Got shots of the ravens dotted around the grounds - one was perched near the Jewel House cawing at everybody. Also got a few of the soldiers keeping guard at the front of the Jewel House (and also spied them filing out at the back in the more ‘casual’ camouflage uniform with their bearskins on one arm, teehee).

 

Joined a tour led by a Yeomen Warder for a bit then broke off to go into the bloody tower and the white tower. Was trying to imagine at various points what it must have been like to have been imprisoned here but the hoards of crowds were making it difficult! The armour displays filled the well with some ideas for future sketches/story ideas so I’m glad I took the time to do that too.

 

Left around 4pm, and walked along the Thames and took pictures of the Shard across the water. Pretty knackered by this point so decided to get the nearest tube back to the hotel. I could have walked because the weather was great but I was so done by this point. Also waiting for the train I overheard a girl who was making her way back home to Orkney. I didn’t have the energy to get into conversation though.

 

That night had dinner in the hotel restaurant. I feel that it was a bit of a cop out not going to find somewhere unique or unusual BUT it was pretty good for a chain restaurant and quiet enough too. Wanted to conserve my energy for the following mammoth of a day I planned for the Monday!

[hidden_kitten]

Will eventually recount my mammoth Monday in London but I’m behind on work and don’t want to spend even longer online than I already do! Up in about 5 hours for retail job, ugh.

 

Still no update on if arts centre want me kept on next year. I’m not sure who’s meant to approach the topic. Me? Because I’m still not sure I actually want it. I still find the role quite awkward and morale is pretty low, despite the great year we’ve had with fundraising and new projects being greenlit. Boss wants me to come up with ideas for the new entrance/foyer. Suddenly I’m an architect/interior designer. I KNOW NOTHING. They seem to think my art degree = I can do anything remotely design related. The schedule (one day at art centre, next day at retail job, following day at art centre) is really annoying and I do not want to carry on like that much longer. If I stay on at arts centre, either they need to move my contracted days or I’ll need to drop another day at the shop. Weekends are a complete write off and I haven’t dated/met anybody new since May.

 

I want to move as soon as possible too. Getting irritated by parents for stupid reasons. And the reverse is most likely true with their 31 year old daughter still at home. My dad has quite a deep, booming voice that rebounds through the house, even at normal levels. Mum on the other hand has a much higher register and there’s something that really irks me when I’m aware of them talking in the other room but can’t make out the words. A form of misophonia?

 

An animation festival with big name studios running panels takes place next week in Manchester until Thursday. I’m in town Friday and Saturday. Dammit!! Will note it in the diary for next year. Maybe by then I’ll have a better portfolio.

[Jibralta]

My dad has quite a deep, booming voice that rebounds through the house, even at normal levels. Mum on the other hand has a much higher register and there’s something that really irks me when I’m aware of them talking in the other room but can’t make out the words.

 

I picture that being quite funny, actually:

 

BOOM BOOM BOOM

 

nee nee nee nee

 

BOOM BOOM BOOM

 

nee nee nee nee nee

 

(That's a conversation between your mom and your dad, where their words are muffled)

[dias]

 

I want to move as soon as possible too. Getting irritated by parents for stupid reasons. And the reverse is most likely true with their 31 year old daughter still at home. My dad has quite a deep, booming voice that rebounds through the house, even at normal levels. Mum on the other hand has a much higher register and there’s something that really irks me when I’m aware of them talking in the other room but can’t make out the words. A form of misophonia?

 

I understand you completely. I can't stand my parents for long. I love them but we just can't be at the same house. They get on my nerves.I don't know why people say that living on your own "compels" you to grow up. Living on your own is easy. Living with parents is difficult. You do the chores + you also have to tolerate them (and for Mediterraneans is worse because parents interfere with your life all the time).

The only good thing is that you can save a lot of money very fast which you are doing. That's wise but what are you planning to do with the savings? You have to invest your money wisely. Are you planning to move to Edinburgh anytime soon?

[hidden_kitten]

BOOM BOOM BOOM

 

nee nee nee nee

 

BOOM BOOM BOOM

 

nee nee nee nee nee

 

That’s exactly how it sounds to my ears Jibralta 😄

[hidden_kitten]

what are you planning to do with the savings? You have to invest your money wisely. Are you planning to move to Edinburgh anytime soon?

 

I’ve done very light research of putting it into a savings account longterm for a better return, or into a LISA or Help To Buy scheme. Eventually the money will go on a deposit/rent ‘cushion’ when I make up my mind where I’m going! Haven’t had time to apply to other jobs yet, Edinburgh or elsewhere. The main stick in the mud is that I can’t decide which industry I’m pursuing, and I’m worried that if I choose the wrong one now I’ll never be able to leave. There’s work I need to get out the way by the end of December so will have a clearer headspace then. Possibly.

[hidden_kitten]

Was down in Manchester seeing another of my favourite bands from my teen years. While wasting time in the hotel waiting for my friend to turn up, I apparently matched with the band’s stage manager on a dating app. Sent him a message today saying very good work for last nights gig but doubt I’ll get a response 😄

[hidden_kitten]

No reply from stage manager man. Ach well. Matched with a couple of dudes from Edinburgh on Bumble. Messaged one with with a very lazy ‘hi’ considering none of my more considered messages get responses.

 

I may have mentioned this already, but there was a guy I exchanged a few messages with and he seemed really interesting, however work got crazy with no free weekends so the conversation fizzled out. The message thread hasn’t been deleted or blocked though so I wonder what the etiquette is on me messaging him again. “Hey sorry I ghosted you like a complete cow” hmm...

[Jibralta]

Maybe, "Hey, I noticed our conversation sort of fizzled out there for a while. I was busy doing x, y, and z. How are you doing?"

[hidden_kitten]

Yes! Will give it a go after this manic weekend is over. I’m coordinating an art fair in the arts centre, been winging it this whole time and keep dreading it will fall apart at the last minute....it’s also clashing with my other job but they have been quite supportive of me having to go between two places. I can see them putting it against my attendance record when it suits them though.

 

Deep breath...bring it on!

[hidden_kitten]

Well the art fair came together in quite a nice set up, however sales were very low. A mixture of rubbish weather, a clash with two other craft events around the town and a national rugby game seemed to deter buyers. Also, retail sales are low in general so no one is really forking out three figures on art items. The centre’s marketing plan leaves much to be desired - we do have a marketing manager but she only looks after the brochure, our twitter feed hasn’t been touched for two years because no one wants to do it and I’ve had no guidance on in-house posters, only: make one if you have time (which I haven’t).

 

Currently in a Glasgow hotel that is right above a train station. If I squish my face against the window glass at an angle I can just about see the platform below. I’ve always found the sound of trains pulling along comforting.

 

Was at an animation screening with a very quick q&a with some of the film-makers. I always chicken out of asking questions at the end.

[hidden_kitten]

A year ago I was forcing myself to go into work, fighting back tears and running later and later for every shift. Now, the desire to walk into the town river and not come back out has gone, but I’m still really frustrated at my life. I’m getting bad feedback about the weekend and I hate that my name is attached to it. There’s word we might invite the artists in to discuss how the festival/fair should take shape next year but how can I do that when I desperately don’t want to be in this job or town by then??

 

A comment that stood out at the screening on Tuesday: “the country’s entire animation industry is stood right here” referring to how small it is with a line up of six filmmakers. You’d think that would make it easier to get into but I’ve had no luck.

[hidden_kitten]

Since my last post I’ve been to two rock concerts...and on two dates. With the same guy! Messaged me on okc, he is a dad to a six year old and is separated from the mum (who apparently moved her new partner in recently so there’s more incentive to get the divorce going). I’m basically ignoring all that for now because we seem to get on in other aspects...so who knows. It wasn’t in his profile but he has some creative leanings too and mentioned he liked printmaking and woodworking. I’m so awkward on the first few dates but we did make out for a bit before I went home on the second date. Which was definitely nice after not having any attention like that for ages. I’m so self conscious about technique...my ex would tell me that I couldn’t kiss well (or anything else for that matter). Yeah, he really knew how to make a girl feel like dirt.

 

Might see new guy this weekend if schedule allows.