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Work schedule next week looks like almost 40 hours at retail job (about 35 hrs paid) and about 10 hours at the art centre. Work/life balance SUCKS and I was really trying to get a hold on it last year. I guess it's more to line the bank account right now then I have the following week off.


Can hear an owl (owls?) outside. Find their calls calming. Think it's a tawny.

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I love cows too!


Good luck with you doctor appt. when I used to menstruated, I would get cyclical lumps I

In My breasts, making them very tender. I think that usually the dangerous breast lumps are painless and people find them on examination or in the shower.


Well. Work can. Be a pain, but good to have a job to line the bank acct with, and you can always be on the lookout for other jobs you might prefer.

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Thanks Silver. Yes going to really try to look at it positively next week and just get through the shifts. The retail job is just so tedious right now and hours are awkward. I was only meant to be back at that place as a stopgap when I moved back in with parents, fear I've stayed too long and now I'm stuck.


Posted this on another thread but parking it here so I remember!


2018 resolutions:

Eat healthier (less alcohol, try to cut fizzy altogether, less junk).

Exercise more (never done a proper workout in my life).

Like the OP, declutter/gut out my room of ***** so I can move out easily when the time comes.

Go on at least one date (been single 3 years with very little attention and it's getting very old).

Read more. Don't think I finished any books this year. Started about five though!

Draw more. The only accomplishment of 2017 I'm proud of was filling a sketchbook. Next year I want to start (and complete) something substantial. And maybe sell it!

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Wasn't completely alcohol free this week, drat. One night stayed up late drawing so had a couple of tins of beer, felt horrendous the next day. Just cements that I need to take a clean break for a while.


More snow flurries today. Pretty cold too, wanted to go for a walk after my shift but wasn't dressed warm enough so walked straight home. Hadn't slept much again so napped before dinner.


Hopefully it'll get warmer (relatively) during the week and the snow washes away. Wonder when our next lot will be, usually we get another blast from the arctic by March.

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Haha I want to say I'm jealous of your heatwave Silverbirch but I could never handle heat like that! Britain had a few instances of reaching 30C last year; I could only handle 5 or so minutes when I went outside. I think early 20s is my ideal temp, bet that must be winter for you guys!


So over winter right now though. And can't wait for days to get longer/lighter, not getting any daylight has probably contributed to my rubbish moods. At work a colleague said she hopes that seeing we've had such low temperatures this winter it'll mean we'll get the opposite in summer. Last year I remember a decent couple of weeks in May, the rest was mild and wet!

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I think my journal is going to end up a weather diary at this rate. Walked to work again, so much milder today even when raining. All the snow on the roads and pavement is practically gone so tomorrow I will drive.


9 hr shift, didn't get busy until the last hour after 4pm when everyone was done with the school run, and I had to work a delivery of cigarettes that was late arriving as well as till training a colleague at the same time. So kinda took it out of me and didn't get anything done at home. Will try to get an "early" night and get more done before work tomorrow.

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Dreamt about engaged guy again. I hate this. A year ago I was wrestling with myself if I should ask him out or keep my feelings to myself. Wish nothing ever happened. This is the longest that I've been stuck on anyone I've not dated. The rejection floored me. Been really good and not stalked any social media. It does hurt that he doesn't even want me as a friend. I mean, what's fundamentally so wrong with me that nobody wants me in their life?


Desperate to meet someone new, but rationally I know I'm still not in a good, stable place. I just really miss waking up with someone, holding someone. Other people go out and have flings but how do you even GET an fbuddy anyway? It's just all so wrong to me. Argh.

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On holiday from retail job for over a week. Nothing concrete planned apart from gutting out my bedroom some more and meeting up with a friend for a drink tonight.


Last night was my first night shadowing the duty manager at the art centre. I was so nervous beforehand, thought they would throw me in the deep end. We had a film festival on so there were a lot of overlapping events downstairs and upstairs, so really I was sitting around like a spare part until the crowds cleared. Volunteered here for 2.5 years, I know a lot about the box office system and the general routine with the volunteers and getting the public upstairs, cleaning up and packing up after events so manager was like "so what don't you know?". Haha should have come prepared with more questions. Got her to take me through cashing up at the end of the day, the security alarm settings, where different keys are kept. Thankfully she said she expects none of it to stick right now and I'll be taken through everything properly when I officially start in February.


It'll be SO much more interesting than the retail job, but I'm very apprehensive about coming out of my comfort zone. Manager says to view it as throwing a party and I'm the host, so what can I bring and look out for that makes it all run smoothly. Also that difficult/awkward situations will call for to "come out of myself" and just deal with it, so not to take anything personally.


She has also really been pressing what my long term plan is and what I want to get out of this. All I know is that I need something new on my cv that can get me out of this town. Where that'll lead I really don't know. If I did, wouldn't I be there by now? The hardest thing is letting go of the artist dream I've always had in the back of my head. I'm not brave enough to do it full time and I'm sick of being poor. Especially with no prospects for a relationship, I have to go on the assumption it's just going to be me and support myself. If someone else comes along and slots into that then it's a bonus.

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She has also really been pressing what my long term plan is and what I want to get out of this. All I know is that I need something new on my cv that can get me out of this town. Where that'll lead I really don't know. If I did, wouldn't I be there by now? The hardest thing is letting go of the artist dream I've always had in the back of my head. I'm not brave enough to do it full time and I'm sick of being poor. Especially with no prospects for a relationship, I have to go on the assumption it's just going to be me and support myself. If someone else comes along and slots into that then it's a bonus.

You can get out of this town. You can work in retail in a bigger city that provides more opportunities for artists. But I guess you mean finding full time job as an artist in a bigger city....


I don't know what kind of art you are interested in but I think you should conform with technology. For instance, if you are pretty good at drawing you should consider finding a job in the field of e-commerce. They need good artists to draw websites. I know many girls doing this job. It's not like you are going to get rich but it is well paid and above all you will be doing something you like.

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You mean like web design Dias?


The last time I transferred with the retail job, I had to take a paycut and the hours were terrible. A colleague of mine used the student transfer option to work at home during the summer, then the city store basically fired her and said there wasn't any space for her to come back. Luckily my store had enough hours to keep her on. I feel like it's running on the spot, I'd rather move out with a job lined up that I relatively look forward to going into everyday.


Nice to catch up with my friend yesterday. We're very different but known each other 15 years or so since high school. Might meet up again later inthe week. In the middle of sorting out clutter, piles and piles of it.

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Drank too much wine last night so bit of a headache. Met up with a couple of friends at one of their houses and played board games. Didn't think I'd enjoy it at all but was actually quite fun!


Afterwards sat in my friends car chatting until she had to drive home. She is my oldest friend but she doesn't have much tact or filter which makes me want to slap her sometimes. Like somehow the topic of exes came up, she mentioned how she didn't think one of my exes was very attractive back in the day. I think she meant it in a way that "I'll meet better" but come on. Especially considering her track record isn't that great, I don't go harping on about it. Don't know how to call her out on it but I think it's just her crappy social skills. Another area I'm in no place to pass judgement on!

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Two alcohol free days this week, was aiming for three but had a beer tonight. Working lates this weekend so won't drink then.


My favourite band have announced they are only playing one UK gig this year, in London. I saw them last May and had to travel a while to see them. Totally worth it. Tickets go onsale in the morning. To be honest I've wanted an excuse to go down there. Another, rather sad reason: I want to ride the Docklands Light Railway. My first proper visit to London was in 2005/6 with the art school, and for some reason we were put up in a hotel in Canary Wharf. Near the hotel were these cute little trains zipping about overhead. I had no idea where they went and my friends and I assumed you had to get the tube everywhere. Of course there's loads of other touristy things I never got round to. Shame most people I knew down there have since moved on. Wish I had tried living there in my twenties like everyone else.

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I got a ticket! In the main stalls as well. I slept in and missed the on sale start time, so assumed it would sell out but checked the venue website before leaving for work. There were two full price seats left in dead centre. There were other seating options in lower price bands but I felt if I'm going out of my way to see this band again I want the best seat! When I've checked the seating plan since then the seat next to me has also gone, so some other saddo will be on their own next to me haha. So, London trip in October!


Rain turned to sleet last night then froze on the ground. No side streets had been gritted so took forever to walk to work. Could hear the ice crunching underneath any car that drove by. Had to walk in the road following tyre tracks where possible, it was the only place where the ice had shifted. Clocked in with a minute to spare.

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In the previous week I have dreamt of my last ex and engaged guy. WHHHYYYY. I've been so good and not looked at any FB pages, photos, mementos for months. I need someone new to crush on but there's no one left in town.


Tomorrow night is my first "shutdown" at the arts centre while shadowing my predecessor. I keep going between nerves and trying not thinking about it at all. I really hope this is a good idea.....!

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There's less than 10k people in this town. Most new people that I meet are either 18 - 20 yr olds (waaay too young) or middle age/retired. Anyone my age still in this town tend to have married and settled down so definitely off limits. I'm looking to get a new phone very soon so I can download some dating apps and will probably look to date people in Edin or Glasgow.

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Yes I'm Scottish! So you'd think I'd be used to the cold/rain but nope!


Interesting first "proper" shift. I will really need to come out of my shell for this. Think I messed up the cashing up as well but general manager explained that at least we can pinpoint what the issue is and revisit the reports next week if we need to.

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Completed more shifts in the new job. Remembering to get more done, I hate having to refer to a checklist but think I will need to for a while. Serious case of imposter syndrome though, how on earth they decided that nervous me with no common sense was good for this role?? It only hit me the past few shows what really goes on behind the scenes and it's on me to get it done. As a volunteer there was a lot I could just switch off from if I wanted to. The general manager also wants me to research some content for documents that need written up by the end of March. This is going to be an intense couple of months!


I had wanted to get into regular drawing again and learning some software in my free time, that may fall to the wayside while I get used to this role. My workspace is a complete dump so in the meantime I can declutter and have a nice space to create later in the year!


Still no nephew. We think he's going to be late. Still haven't seen sis since Christmas. She didn't respond to my birthday message to her but she rarely does when I send anything. Sometimes I really don't know how to connect with her and, shamefully, sometimes think should I bother?

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I'm now an aunt! All seems to be healthy, kid is a good weight (far far heavier than my sister and I at birth). My parents are exhausted with all the back and forth. Mum was there during the birth, apparently Dad had just left when 'proper' labour started, thought she had ages to go but was very quick. Sister got home today (she was kept in to monitor any side effects from the epidural). Mum came home yesterday then went back up today to get them home. A few stories of how it went, I won't type them here but let's say squeamish little me is a bit happier with the propect that I may not carry my own child...anyway after months of feeling removed from the situation I can't wait to see the baby! Might not be for a few weeks yet so sis can settle into a routine.


New job, still utterly bewildered. I'm not sure if I regret it or not. I go in shaking! Wish I could get a handle on it faster...or maybe never taken it on. But then what would I be doing? Going into my other brain dead job all weekend and sleeping all day when I'm off. Thinking I should speak to a doctor about anxiety treatment to take the edge off.


Saw a band the other night. They were a support band a few years ago and I really liked their sound/quirkiness and kept meaning to see them ever since. Well they were brilliant this time round. The venue was great too, I had only been once because it's in a seedy part of Glasgow so I've put off going back, but it was a good crowd and didn't get any hassle. Moved around the floor a bit but ended up at the front barrier to the side, hanging over trying to get some decent photos!


Aaaand in the hotel afterwards (I went on my own), had a dream about engaged guy. He had left his fiancee and came back for me. WTH. Yep, think I do need meds and to get on dating apps asap...

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