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The truth about NC after 5 months, ex reached out


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Ok folks this will probably be the last time I'll be posting on here because I thought it'd help anyone thinking about trying to get your ex back using No-Contact.

 

The short of it: No-Contact is the way to go so you can Move on, NOT to get them back. Cause honestly what's done is done and there's nothing else you really can do to save the relationship short of inventing a time machine (Let me know if you do invent one though.)

 

To quote one of my buddies, "grandma's dead"

 

I know this is brutal, but the truth is. Had I taken this advice as opposed to keep my hopes up that my ex was going to return to me after NC, I'd be way more on my way to being healed. But nope, kept my hopes up believed that she was the one and that the guys she was with was simply a rebound and trusted in NC. I mean I knew the girl for 14 years and she had been trying to get me to marry her ever since we tried dating 4 years ago. So if anything other than the fact she started dating the other dude there would be a high chance that she would return, at least that's what I told myself.

 

So I waited, went complete No-Contact, no facebook stalking, etc. for 5 months. I don't believe in the 30 day business, so don't ask, I just went silent. Traveled, dated, got counseling, worked out. All believing this was the way to get her back.

 

And then she contacted me finally out of the blue during Halloween. Admittedly she would tell me later that she missed me and was happy the holiday came around the corner and it gave her an excuse to reach out. I was overjoyed. She had done everything "the book" told. Eventually we met up and we chatted, only to have her tell me she missed her best friend (we were best friends for 10 years before we dated) yadda yadda yadda. I kept the conversation light and we caught up. The bill came and I took care of it. She joyfully said she'd get the next one. I flinched and she discovered there wasn't going to be a next time. She was still with the dude, and I said we can't be friends anymore. We both got misty eyed. I asked her if she loved him and she said solemly yes... I shrugged and said "that's all I need to know." She walked me to my car and we said our good byes. She reached out and held me and said she would always love me. I shrugged it off knowing it really honestly doesn't mean much to me at this point.

 

I sobbed on the way home, and honestly the meet up has put me back a few months. I know I'll be moving on at this point and there really is little to no hope at this point. One of the breakup gurus I consulted and simply said "Well she knows your boundaries now and she will either marry this guy, or they'll breakup and maybe come back to you in the unforeseen future, but yeah there's probably nothing left for you to do here." Honestly it does give me a little hope, but I'm consciously trying to tell myself to forget about it. It's been nearly a month since I saw her, I've questioned whether I could've done better. Maybe I could've, but it's all irrelevant now.

 

So honestly folks do No-Contact, not to get her back but for yourself. It will hurt, you won't be able to sleep or eat or maybe that's all you do is sleep and eat. But learn to let go. There simply is no other way. Everything else is just deluding yourself. You've survived harsher things in the past, and pulled through so just trust it'll happen again.

 

Heal find yourself again, go through the pain. But let go of them...

 

Because if you really think there might be a future with such person, it's dependent on whether you can honestly let go of them and just see them as who they are, just another person. Maybe they'll come back, most likely they won't. But you yourself are always the constant factor in your lifetime. Make it count.

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Yep. Awesome writing, I am sorry for your pain - wouldn't wish it on anyone. I wish i read this 5 years ago, took me that long to realize she wasn't anything I wanted. Ugh. I hope you find someone, if that's what you want and please, tell us about it. I could use some happy ending. Merry Christmas.

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To be honest, most people don't want to hear it soon after the break up. They want to think that there is a possibility and it is what helps them to focus on themselves. I am sure if we said the same thing to you 5 months ago, you wouldn't have listened. I think after the work that you have done on yoruself this last few months, it will be easier to move on. Don't dwell on it. Keep looking forward.

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I noticed you said she joyfully told you she will get the next bill and went on to tell you she is with another guy. I wonder why she wasted the time knowing she doesn't plan on getting back with you. Most of these stories about ex's coming back are from selfish reasons and that is if they come back. I am sorry you were set back a few months from this. I wish you the best.

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I noticed you said she joyfully told you she will get the next bill and went on to tell you she is with another guy. I wonder why she wasted the time knowing she doesn't plan on getting back with you. Most of these stories about ex's coming back are from selfish reasons and that is if they come back. I am sorry you were set back a few months from this. I wish you the best.

 

Yup. My ex did this too. 5 Months of radio silence, then she wants to meet up. Find out she is dating someone, but its obvious she still has feelings for me, as she even kissed me when we were saying goodnight. Contact continued for a week, until I told her we cant talk if she is seeing someone else. Its been almost 2 months of NC now. Thought she occasionally likes my IG pics (Amateur Photographer account) which is an open profile. She does not follow it, so that means she is actively looking it up. Bizarre.

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