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Is this guy interested in anything other than being friends?


Rockchick26
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I am going nuts trying to figure this guy out. I even get conflicting advice from friends. So I thought i'd ask in here.

 

I am 45 years old and the guy is 28. I know that is a huge difference but I look and act like i'm in my 20's. Anyway, we are coworkers, and shortly after I started there, he started asking me out on dates. I was super busy all summer so we were only able to get together twice all summer but he still kept asking me every weekend if I was around. Once summer got over and I got more free time, we started hanging out more. Then he moved to the town I live in and he's been asking me to hang out more. At work he will sit with me on break now where before he would go sit in his car. He told me I am becoming a really good companion (his words), and he has more fun with me than he has with anyone in a long time. I caught him taking a picture of me when he thought I wasn't looking, and he told his friend about me cuz his friend said "did she touch your p____", lol Anyway, he says I make him smile and laugh which he rarely does because he is on anti depressants because he had a lot of bad things happen in his life including not having a girlfriend or sex for the last 5 years. One of our coworkers told me he gets attached easily (he liked her too, before). She also told me he wants a relationship and likes me. He told me he doesn't even really need to have sex, he just wants someone to cuddle with on the couch and watch movies, hold hands, etc. I am going to a 2 day festival for NYE and getting a hotel room and I invited him and he spent $200 on a ticket so we're doing that next weekend. He asked me recently too if I wanted to exchange gifts for Christmas and I said yeah.

 

Well the other night was the first night we came to my place where I have a loveseat (he just has single chairs at his place so we couldn't sit together), and I thought finally something would happen. I tried to sit close to him and give him signs that I wanted to hold hands, cuddle, etc. but instead he leaned away from me and didnt put his arm around me or hold my hand or kiss me or anything. He's never even hugged me. Also when I asked about our Christmas thing, he said he'd let me know when he knew what day would work, but then he said he will probably sit home and play video games most of the day. So I thought ok he must not be that interested. Then last night he called me and said he got home from his family's Christmas early so we could hang out if I wanted to, but I was already in another town with some other friends. He sounded super bummed and I said 'have a good night' and he said 'i'll try'. Later I messaged him saying one of my guy friends is coming to that festival too, not the hotel part but just for the festival. My guy didn't respond to the message even though he read it. And all day today...nothing. Not a single peep from him. For the last few months he's messaged me every day and the last month it's been every few hours. So this is abnormal. My guy friend thinks he's jealous about him going to the festival with us, and also feels rejected that I was at my friends last night and couldn't come over when he called. But I dont know why he'd be jealous when the other night he didn't wanna cuddle on the couch, oh and when I told him I found a cool present for him, he said he was just gonna get me some candy. CANDY! I am sick of the mixed messages!!! and yes I know I could just ask him how he feels, but I dont want things to be awkward at work if he says he only likes me as a friend. I was expecting things to progress either at Christmas or NYE, so I will probably find out next week since we'll be staying in the hotel alone together. But I just thought i'd ask for opinions, I am going nuts today trying to figure out why he suddenly went quiet on me, he never does this! If he's so jealous, why did he act like he didnt wanna touch me the other night on my loveseat? He knows I like him, why won't he even try to kiss me, we've been 'hanging out" or "dating" or whatever this is for 5 months now!

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I don't think he sees you as a serious prospect, OP.

 

He's made essentially no move, and now that you've told him another guy is coming along to this NYE event, that probably put the cork in it for him.

 

I agree with all of this. Also I think his mental illness also triggers the erratic behavior when it comes to how he acts/reacts around you. I don't think he's giving mixed messages as much as he probably feels he's told you that he doesn't need to have sex and figures you're safe to hang around with since the age difference is so vast at this age that you likely wouldn't think he was interested in you that way. He could act in a clearer way but since he hasn't asked you to be in a relationship with him it's a safe bet it's clear that he doesn't want that with you - that could change in the future of course but I wouldn't bet on it, sorry.

 

Also he called you a "companion" -that's certainly not a mixed message. I don't like that he mentioned the "penis" message he received -not sure why he felt the need to share - ick.

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No offence, but for someone my age, 45 year olds are way too old. He prob chases you as an early/sex thing, I wouldn't take this seriously.

 

He is not after sex. He's been chasing me for 6 months, and told me he doesn't even need to "get laid", he just really misses holding hands, cuddling, etc.

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I don't think he sees you as a serious prospect, OP.

 

He's made essentially no move, and now that you've told him another guy is coming along to this NYE event, that probably put the cork in it for him.

 

Well he's flirted with me, physically touching kinda stuff. He makes all the moves as far as initiating dates. and he already knew another one of my friends was gonna be with us on NYE, he bought his ticket knowing he was gonna be the third person. This other guy is just the 4th person, and he isn't even gonna be in the hotel room with us like this other person is so I dont know why this one is such a big deal.

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I agree with all of this. Also I think his mental illness also triggers the erratic behavior when it comes to how he acts/reacts around you. I don't think he's giving mixed messages as much as he probably feels he's told you that he doesn't need to have sex and figures you're safe to hang around with since the age difference is so vast at this age that you likely wouldn't think he was interested in you that way.

 

But when he said he didn't need sex, he said what he really needed was someone to hold hands with and cuddle with...but he hasnt done any of that with me either.

 

Also he called you a "companion" -that's certainly not a mixed message.

 

So companion means friend? I guess to me it means something more special than that, why didn't he just use the word "friend" if he just wanted to be friends?

 

I don't like that he mentioned the "penis" message he received -not sure why he felt the need to share - ick.

 

Well because he hasn't had sex or a girlfriend in 5 years and I guess his friends give him crap about it, they are all immature in many ways and I think when he told his friend about me, he was hoping he finally got some action, lol

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53 year old here....this guy reminds me of a guy I used to work with. He was kinda fatally attracted to the majority of the female coworkers and age wasn't an issue with him. He seemed he wasn't quite right. Someone mentioned mental illness.....that seems to nail it right there. His behavior isn't really normal, and probably why you are so mystified as to why he won't just be a man. His request for just needing affection is too weird. Maybe that's why he's been single for 5 years.

 

You are a mature woman....you can do better than this goofy man-child, especially if you have kept your appearance up, there must be better options out there.

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53 year old here....this guy reminds me of a guy I used to work with. He was kinda fatally attracted to the majority of the female coworkers and age wasn't an issue with him. He seemed he wasn't quite right. Someone mentioned mental illness.....that seems to nail it right there. His behavior isn't really normal, and probably why you are so mystified as to why he won't just be a man. His request for just needing affection is too weird. Maybe that's why he's been single for 5 years.

 

Why is it weird to need affection, don't we all? When he told me that, it melted my heart! I replied with "awww, me too!"

 

You are a mature woman....you can do better than this goofy man-child, especially if you have kept your appearance up, there must be better options out there.

 

Apparently not. My last boyfriend was 37 and they act just as much like a child as 20-somethings!

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According to what you wrote You are a 45 year old female that acts 20 and laugh at penis jokes. He's a 28 year old man on anti depressants not interested in sex just cuddling but leaned away from you when given the chance so no physical contact. He chose playing video games over spending time with you. We can't tell you why he won't kiss you. Perhaps the anti depressant isn't as effective as it should be for him. Perhaps he'd rather have a Friend than be in an intimate relationship and enjoys just hanging out. I suggest asking him, things couldn't get anymore awkward than they sound.

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According to what you wrote You are a 45 year old female that acts 20 and laugh at penis jokes. He's a 28 year old man on anti depressants not interested in sex just cuddling but leaned away from you when given the chance so no physical contact. He chose playing video games over spending time with you. We can't tell you why he won't kiss you.

 

Perhaps the anti depressant isn't as effective as it should be for him. Perhaps he'd rather have a Friend than be in an intimate relationship and enjoys just hanging out. I suggest asking him, things couldn't get anymore awkward than they sound.

 

Anti-depressants kill one's sex drive, speaking from experience! For many others too, it's a very unfortunate side effect.

 

Which is one reason why I refuse to take.

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He's always known how old I am though, that hasnt stopped him from chasing me so relentlessly.

 

No offense but I'm really not understanding how he is relentlessly chasing you. According to what you wrote he sits with you at lunch, but hasn't held hands, cuddled or kissed you when alone with you and would rather play video games unless he wants company for a while. Your post is about why he won't kiss you, so, how is he chasing you relentlessly?

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Anti-depressants kill one's sex drive, speaking from experience! For many others too, it's a very unfortunate side effect.

 

Which is one reason why I refuse to take.

 

OK that may explain why he shy away from kissing. Kissing can lead to other things and if he doesn't have a sex drive perhaps he doesn't want to risk going that route.

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According to what you wrote You are a 45 year old female that acts 20 and laugh at penis jokes. He's a 28 year old man on anti depressants not interested in sex just cuddling but leaned away from you when given the chance so no physical contact. He chose playing video games over spending time with you. We can't tell you why he won't kiss you. Perhaps the anti depressant isn't as effective as it should be for him. Perhaps he'd rather have a Friend than be in an intimate relationship and enjoys just hanging out. I suggest asking him, things couldn't get anymore awkward than they sound.

 

I don't laugh at penis jokes, I typed "lol" because I am aware of how silly it sounds that his immature friend even said that. He said his friends are low lives, they don't have jobs or cars or girlfriends. And i dont act like a 20 year old in the sense that you're thinking, I just don't conform to society's norms, I am not married and have no kids and I spend my free time going to festivals and concerts. People see me and think i am in my 20s because I look young, and have dreadlocks and tattooes.

 

As for asking him, oh I will...just trying to avoid an awkward NYE, we will be staying in a hotel for 2 nights for a festival. I am sure I will get my answer by the end of that weekend.

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Anti-depressants kill one's sex drive, speaking from experience! For many others too, it's a very unfortunate side effect.

 

Which is one reason why I refuse to take.

 

I understand that, I just don't understand why he would lean away from me on the couch or not want to put his arm around me or hold my hand like he said he wanted to do. He has been relentlessly chasing me needing my attention, so why stop now?

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No offense but I'm really not understanding how he is relentlessly chasing you. According to what you wrote he sits with you at lunch, but hasn't held hands, cuddled or kissed you when alone with you and would rather play video games unless he wants company for a while. Your post is about why he won't kiss you, so, how is he chasing you relentlessly?

 

He has been asking me to hang out with him every single weekend since July, and even when I say I am busy, he says "I'm sure you are busy this weekend but I'll ask anyway..". He follows me to my car after work and acts like he doesn't wanna leave. He messages me every few hours, even after work, even DURING work. On days when I am busy, he still calls me asking to hang out. He makes plans for the weekend with me without me saying anything first. He needs constant attention (or at least he did before yesterday). Our coworker who has known him longer than me said he gets attached easily. I have never in my life had a guy chase me this hard.

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OK that may explain why he shy away from kissing. Kissing can lead to other things and if he doesn't have a sex drive perhaps he doesn't want to risk going that route.

 

I doubt he is afraid to have sex...he talks about it in innuendos all the time, a few weeks ago he was telling me about this singer he has a crush on and asked me "It doesn't bother you that i talk about how hot I think she is, does it?" He sent me a picture of a woman with her boobs hanging out cooking a meal and he said "This is how you could get me to cook with you!" (cuz he doesn't cook). He also mentioned we should go to Sex World for me to buy a sexy outfit to wear to the festival next weekend. Trust me, he has a sex drive.

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I understand that, I just don't understand why he would lean away from me on the couch or not want to put his arm around me or hold my hand like he said he wanted to do. He has been relentlessly chasing me needing my attention, so why stop now?

 

Perhaps he chased you so relentlessly, for validation or the challenge, not because he is genuinely interested in you. I've encountered men like that. I can see right through it, and avoid them.

 

Re no physical affection, as I said anti-depressants kill one's sexual drive AND desire.

 

So to be blunt, he simply has no desire to kiss you, or cuddle with you.

 

Or perhaps it's like imho said, he fears the kissing/cuddling may lead you to wanting more (sexually), and since he can't "go there" he avoids altogether.

 

Yeah, I know he "said" he wanted to, talks about sex, lots of innuendo, but words mean * unless followed up with ACTION. Talks the talk, but can't walk the walk, as they say.

 

I'm just speculating of course, his behavior certainly is odd.

 

Could also be he is playing you, again for validation.

 

Hard to say for sure without knowing him.

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I tend to agree with Katrina. He's chasing you but not because he wants a romantic relationship with you because if he did and he was as interested as you perceive why in the world would he want to risk you being snapped up by someone else?

 

Well that is exactly why I thought he's been so adamant about spending so much time with me for the last 6 months. Even my ex boyfriends didn't try to spend this much time with me.

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Well that is exactly why I thought he's been so adamant about spending so much time with me for the last 6 months. Even my ex boyfriends didn't try to spend this much time with me.

 

So what do you think it is? You're 45 years old, surely you have had enough experience to differentiate between a man who is interested in actually dating you, and a man simply "talking the talk"?

 

I mean you say he's been chasing you for six months, then when the opportunity presented itself to spend time, he chose to play video games.

 

He "talks" about kissing and cuddling, and again when the opportunity presented itself to do just that, nothing.

 

Do you think it's possible he's playing you? If not, what? Fear of intimacy? What do YOU think?

 

I only ask cause whenever someone has suggested he 'does' only want a friendship (your original question), you come back with various reasons defending why you believe he wants more, despite his ACTIONS indicating otherwise.

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So what do you think it is? You're 45 years old, surely you have enough experience to differentiate between a man who is interested in actually dating you, and a man simply "talking the talk"?

 

Apparently I can't differentiate, but every guy is different too...my ex boyfriend WAS my boyfriend for a year and that would have went longer but I ended it, and he acted this way too, even worse. He put me through the emotional ringer, and he WAS my boyfriend. So this guys' actions don't necessarily mean he doesn't want to be my boyfriend, because the last guy did.

 

I mean you say he's been chasing you for six months, then when the opportunity presented itself to spend time, he chose to play video games.

 

Well actually today he SAID he was gonna be playing video games but instead he's just sitting on Facebook. He's been more active today on FB than any other day, changing his profile pic, clicking 'interested' on events, sharing random videos...he is clearly sitting home with nothing else to do, and we always talk on FB and he's said nothing to me yet today. That is why I am not messaging him, he obviously didn't mean it when he said he wanted to exchange Christmas gifts, or take me to visit his mom.

 

Do you think it's possible he's playing you? If not, what? Fear of intimacy? What do YOU think?

 

I wish I knew. I don't think he's playing me though because he is the clingy type that gets attached easily and he hasn't had a woman touch him in 5 years, so it makes no sense for him to be playing anyone.

 

I only ask cause whenever someone has suggested he 'does' only want a friendship, you come back with various reasons defending why you believe he wants more, despite his ACTIONS indicating otherwise.

 

I'm not saying he doesn't just want friendship, I am just trying to show the full picture, that up until 2 days ago, his actions indicated he DID want more than friendship.

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Well actually today he SAID he was gonna be playing video games but instead he's just sitting on Facebook. He's been more active today on FB than any other day, changing his profile pic, clicking 'interested' on events, sharing random videos...he is clearly sitting home with nothing else to do, and we always talk on FB and he's said nothing to me yet today.

 

That is why I am not messaging him, **he obviously didn't mean it when he said he wanted to exchange Christmas gifts, or take me to visit his mom.

 

 

Well there you go.

 

I wouldn't take anything he says seriously; I don't know what his issues are, but one thing's for sure, he's not interested in dating you.

 

Sorry. :(

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