Do I approach dumped about trying again?

[kudos]

So, you guys have always been great, and I need some more advice!

 

Sam and I were together for 8 months, we had a great time, but some tense times with him moving away with the military, my work was stressing me out too early on in a relationship. We were having a great time on the outside but weren't talking things through and got distant, and the LDR didn't help either. He was going on tour for 8 months, we both found this hard but again weren't communicating well, and talking about how we were feeling, but i was willing to support him while he was away. Anyway, he dumped me a week before he left as he didn't think things were right. Didn't see a future for us. Didn't love me.

It hurt a lot but some points he made were true. We weren't close enough at the time to get through it at the time, even though the relationship was good, we were being pulled apart by lack of communication. It was all very friendly, no bad feelings. I let him go but said I was there if he needed me.

While he was away we had occasional contact, as friends. I tried to move on, dated others, worked on why I was being so closed with others, not saying how i felt etc. At the start I was normally the one reaching out, but as time went on he was contacting me more. I put this down to him being lonely in a different country and alway replied in a friendly way to support if nothing else. He contacted more and more the closer it got to him coming home. Friends told me not to let him just come back and pick things up a if nothing happened so I was very cautious, but i did miss him.

He's home now, and has been for a while but during the week is still based 100s miles away. We have been taking a lot. At times as much as when we were together, but only ever through text. The thought of even hearing his voice makes me feel very anxious! I can not get him off my mind but I'm not sure what his intentions are. Texts are mostly just friendly, but some are very caring and some flirty. A while ago I suggested we meet up over Christmas to catch up. He said he would like to but only if I'm ok with that. This very much said to me friendzone! So i had been waiting to see if he suggested it now he's back for christmas. Since he had indicated more than friends, but I'm not sure if he's just expecting friends with benifits which i don't think I want. For example he asked late the other night if i wanted to go help him decorate his Christmas tree. It was about 10pm and I chickened out!

 

Basically, if he wanted to get back with me surely he would have mentioned it? Am i just going to get myself hurt again if i get my hopes up? I would really like to give things another try but feel as the dumpee I don't want to reach out to suggest this in case he's doesn't feel the same. I certainly don't want to give him the wrong idea about being his booty call! Would it be wrong as a dumpee to write a letter talking it all out and see what his reaction is. I'm thinking Christmas may help this not seen so weird!!

 

Any advice much appriciated.

Thank you.

[GatorXP]

So, you guys have always been great, and I need some more advice!

 

Sam and I were together for 8 months, we had a great time, but some tense times with him moving away with the military, my work was stressing me out too early on in a relationship. We were having a great time on the outside but weren't talking things through and got distant, and the LDR didn't help either. He was going on tour for 8 months, we both found this hard but again weren't communicating well, and talking about how we were feeling, but i was willing to support him while he was away. Anyway, he dumped me a week before he left as he didn't think things were right. Didn't see a future for us. Didn't love me.

It hurt a lot but some points he made were true. We weren't close enough at the time to get through it at the time, even though the relationship was good, we were being pulled apart by lack of communication. It was all very friendly, no bad feelings. I let him go but said I was there if he needed me.

While he was away we had occasional contact, as friends. I tried to move on, dated others, worked on why I was being so closed with others, not saying how i felt etc. At the start I was normally the one reaching out, but as time went on he was contacting me more. I put this down to him being lonely in a different country and alway replied in a friendly way to support if nothing else. He contacted more and more the closer it got to him coming home. Friends told me not to let him just come back and pick things up a if nothing happened so I was very cautious, but i did miss him.

He's home now, and has been for a while but during the week is still based 100s miles away. We have been taking a lot. At times as much as when we were together, but only ever through text. The thought of even hearing his voice makes me feel very anxious! I can not get him off my mind but I'm not sure what his intentions are. Texts are mostly just friendly, but some are very caring and some flirty. A while ago I suggested we meet up over Christmas to catch up. He said he would like to but only if I'm ok with that. This very much said to me friendzone! So i had been waiting to see if he suggested it now he's back for christmas. Since he had indicated more than friends, but I'm not sure if he's just expecting friends with benifits which i don't think I want. For example he asked late the other night if i wanted to go help him decorate his Christmas tree. It was about 10pm and I chickened out!

 

Basically, if he wanted to get back with me surely he would have mentioned it? Am i just going to get myself hurt again if i get my hopes up? I would really like to give things another try but feel as the dumpee I don't want to reach out to suggest this in case he's doesn't feel the same. I certainly don't want to give him the wrong idea about being his booty call! Would it be wrong as a dumpee to write a letter talking it all out and see what his reaction is. I'm thinking Christmas may help this not seen so weird!!

 

Any advice much appriciated.

Thank you.

Hey Kudos

So I kinda see this common theme on the forums with folks asking what to do with peeps the have had past or current relationships with , they aren't sure what the other persons intentions are, or they want a relationship and not sure how to see if it's possible ect. Have communication issues due to uncertainty or insecurity or whateva

 

It's like they know there is a formula there for a coarse of action but can't quite grasp it.

 

So ima do what I do and spill the secret.

 

The key that unlocks clarity is INTENT.

 

As yourself what you want. Know what that is, what it looks like and how it can be successful.

 

After that it's simple, you've already been in a relationship with this person in the past, nothing to be afraid of or lose, no point in hemhawing

 

Just communicate your intentions. Say hey this is how I feel, this is and this is what i would like to do about it. Then ask them how they like those apples (figuratively

 

You can't make it happen by yourself they need to be on board. It's not all on you.

 

Then, this is an important part, pay attention to the responses and actions.

 

If they are hesitant, say "Yes, But", or their actions don't line up with their talk.

 

You've got a life to live, tell em when they get their head removed from whatever hole they currently have it buried in, to let you know and you'll see where your at.

 

Easy peasy.

[Hollyj]

But, you two have communication problems. How do you see a future with this guy?

[DanZee]

It sounds like a booty call. He's back for Christmas. He'll be gone again in a few days. He's probably lonely for female company. It's up to you whether you can handle a romantic encounter or not. But I don't think it's an invitation to become a couple again. I don't see any chance of that until he's back home for good and the two of you can really talk.

[Ziggy123]

It's impossible to know his true intentions and even if you ask he might lie. So I would just be cautious and see how he acts. I wouldn't meet up with him yet. See if he keeps contacting after the holidays are over.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. You will regret writing this letter especially when you get a lame or blah response. Don't play Trojan horse and dress up a relationship plea as a Christmas greeting. Write it all out but don't send it. Talk it over with your therapist.

Would it be wrong as a dumpee to write a letter talking it all out and see what his reaction is. I'm thinking