TheRopster Posted December 22, 2017 Share Posted December 22, 2017 So, after my previous post, a few things have surfaced: May (my ex-girlfriend) had cheated on me for a year and a half with a boy (Dimitri). This wasn't just a quick fling or anything, this was them forming a serious relationship behind my back, getting together, and eventually I was just binned off on just another average day for May. The relationship was only kept a secret from me since I moved abroad, making it easier for them to be open about their relationship to everyone else. I've recently had a fallout with May over the incident and I have not spoken to her in over a week. Everyone has told me to cut her out of my life, but I reminded myself that she, despite this awful thing she did to me, is a good person. She didn't do it with malicious intent to harm me. This was one small mistake which had a huge effect on our friendship, and I don't intend to forgive her completely, but I want to remain friends with her because her and I were always close friends even before our relationship, and honestly that relationship wasn't supposed to last. However, I have one problem: her boyfriend. Dimitri, in all honesty, is an ass. I explained in my previous thread about the things he has done to me, but to sum it all up here: he made sexual remarks towards me, became overly clingy to me, made me feel awkward and uncomfortable, ganged up on me with May during Skype calls, told me things which he knew would upset me, took his anger out on me and May whenever he was in a bad mood, was very sensitive and got offended and angered by the littlest things, was hypocritical in the sense that he could hurt you but you couldn't hurt him, he was emotional over little things like "killing" other people at his war reenactments and expected others to share his emotions, he said a few nasty things about my mother, he told someone he just met about my personal fetishes (which I don't like sharing) and my old relationship with May in detail, lied to my face, criticized things I did and copied the things he couldn't criticize, acted condescending towards me, forced me to buy/download and play games I disliked and demanded me to help him with certain things. He has done so much and honestly, any good he has ever done cannot outweigh all of the bad. He has done a few kind things, but mostly he has done all of the things I have listed above. I had a year to put up with this, and of course the year before that I had already heard of him and worried about him stealing May from me (which he did anyway). And the worst thing is: May refuses to listen to anything bad about him. When I opened up to her last week, just before she told me the truth about their relationship, I had listed a long list of things Dimitri had done to personally upset me, but she completely ignored them. I spoke to another guy who also dislikes Dimitri, and he told me that May had done the same thing to him when he listed a number of bad things he saw him do. The thing is, I know May. I've known May longer than Dimitri has known her. I know how she thinks. If I had told her those exact same stories using someone else's name, she'd be disgusted. She does not condone the behaviour I told her about. But because this is her first boyfriend (and, in her eyes, first serious relationship since with me it was just a phase and whatnot) I believe that she has what I call "Boyfriend Blindness", making her see good in Dimitri no matter what he does. She is the only person who has ever described him as a good person to me; everyone else dislikes him, and when I first met him he showed strong evidence of being anti-social. He was very awkward around his friends and other people. And another part of her "Boyfriend Blindness" makes her see Dimitri as this saviour; she told me that he was the first person to "make her feel like herself again" and she said that "he tried to talk her into telling the truth to me long ago when they first started dating", even though he was willing to form a relationship with a taken girl and show her off like a prize while also openly lying to me and not telling me the truth himself. I just don't know what to do. I want to remain friends with her because I barely have anyone else, but I just can't stand her boyfriend. I can't cry to her when he does something to upset me because she'll be telling herself that Dimitri is an angel and has reasons for the way he acts. She will justify his behaviour. And, even though she already said that we don't need to hang out with him anymore, she will always speak positively about him and lovingly. And I guess I can't find it in me to talk to her normally knowing that she's banging someone I want to kill. It's weird; her and I have always had the same opinions on people, but when it comes to Dimitri our thoughts are opposites. She won't even agree on things she normally agrees on: when I tell her "Dimitri is copying me" or "Dimitri is making uncomfortable sexual remarks" or "I didn't like Dimitri's anger outburst" or "Dimitri is too clingy", she will say ANYTHING to disagree with me and defend him. She has always agreed on me when I say stuff like this about other people, and she herself has been a victim to people like that and has hated their guts, but with Dimitri she just turns a blind eye to it. And it hurts because I have no other really close friends to turn to about it, nor do I have many close friends at all... I really just don't know what to do. I want to be friends with May, but every time I look at her I see her becoming more and more like Dimitri. Knowing her, she could be getting treated like by him and abused and she would just accept it and believe she deserves it. It hurts, and I can't even get through to her about Dimitri and his messed-up head. He has shaped her into his perfect woman, and she has become brainwashed so much that she won't even listen to me, her ex, "best friend" "important person who means a lot to her" in her own words, when I try to cry out for help. She's not a ty person and wouldn't normally do that, but the fact that she's doing it makes me so confused. Should I be friends with her or not? What am I supposed to do when Dimitri pops up in a conversation? I just don't know anymore. Link to comment
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