Unsure how to get love back in the relationship

[kole]

Hello,

My boyfriend and I dated for about 2 years in high school. We were good friends before the relationship and had very few issues during the relationship. We got a long very well, spent lots of time together and communicated well. We broke up when we went to college and our 'good' communication definitely fell apart. I was under the impression that though we were broken we would remain close friends and still try to see each other. Throughout first semester he told me many things confirming that this is also what he wanted but he never acted upon it. He would very rarely text me and he never came to visit. Over Thanksgiving break we spent time together and I told him how I had a lot of resentment towards him for the past few months. He was very apologetic and suggested that we get back together. I agreed but I told him that I didn't really trust what he said anymore.

In the time between thanksgiving and Christmas, while we were both at school, he was much better at keeping in touch with me and I really felt that when we were home together for Christmas that it would be a lot of fun.

I really deeply care about him and do want a relationship to work with him. But I currently feel very little love for him. We haven't spent much time together this break so far which frustrates me but not him too much. And when we are together it doesn't feel as it did before. We have not been having sex much or really much physical contact at all. For the two years we dated before we were constantly together and very much in love and I'm really wanting to have that sort of connection again. Does anyone have advise on rekindling relationships or how to fix a relationship with faded love?

On the other hand does this sound like something not worth fixing? How can you tell when it is best to pursue a friendship versus a relationship with an ex?

Thank you:)

[mustlovedogs]

You’re not dating. In my opinion this isn’t a relationship. You need to start with actually being together before you try and get any love back.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately it sounds like you've grown apart.

He would very rarely text me and he never came to visit. Over Thanksgiving break we spent time together and I told him how I had a lot of resentment towards him for the past few months. I currently feel very little love for him.

[rosephase]

You broke up. What changed that made you think getting back together was a good idea?

 

Honestly it sounds like you are not in love with him any more and that he doesn't put effort into the relationship. You were hurt that he didn't respond or give you the attention you hoped for... but that isn't love. That's just wanting attention.

 

A lot of relationships don't make the transition from high school to college. You are both changing a lot and you never see each other. Those are pretty insurmountable issues especially when you don't feel like you love him and he doesn't seem to care. Let it go. Neither of you are into the relationship. Don't try to force yourselves to have a connection that is no longer there.

[catfeeder]

Whenever teenagers read or hear they are 'too young' to be in a serious relationship, it comes off like an insult or that they aren't mature enough to have 'earned' a relationship. Neither are the case. Adolescence lasts through early to mid-20's. Huge physical and emotional developments take place during this time, not to mention changes in logistics. Limiting yourself to one primary relationship during this time does stifle that development--it narrows your focus and keeps your 'world' very small.

 

I'd wish the guy the best and move your focus toward expanding your social life to meet new people--and date some of them.