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Lack of communication caused her to leave me for someone else


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Hi guys,

 

I need some help and advice.

My ex girlfriend of almost 2,5 years left me for someone else.

She kissed him at the end of our relationship and broke up with me and she is now dating him.

I don't want to put her on a pedestal or anything, but I want to know if I was wrong or not.

 

There were problems in our communication, she was very jealous and sometimes a bit psycho (thinking I was cheating even though I'm a really good guy).

When she had another "episode", she would do and say nasty things.

She kept calling me names, ignoring me when mad instead of talking things through, blocking me on her phone, humiliating me and stuff like that.

I know that it was not right from her to do this, but she really had a hard time growing up and I would not blame her for behaving like this.

At the start of our relationship, I could handle this and keep calm.

But after this continuous harassment, I started to resist more and more.

At the end of the relationship, I started to be more aggressive and sometimes yell at her.

Or telling her that she is a whiner and stuff like that.

I would try to stay calm, but if she was very disrespectful it could trigger me sometimes.

 

I have accepted the fact that she has moved on and I want to move on as well.

She did something terrible even though things went bad.

I loved her to death until the end and wanted to work on things, even when she had cheated.

I think I might have pushed her away with my immature behavior and I never want to be like this again.

I know that I'm not that kind of guy, I was always the more calm and submissive one.

 

Do you guys think I have a problem?

Or do you guys think her continuous emotional harassment might have triggered the worst in me?

I want to better myself and learn from this experience to have a better relationship in the future.

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I think your problem is thinking your love could rescue someone who doesn't know how to behave in a mature, emotionally healthy way in a relationship. You can't fix broken people, and blaming their pasts doesn't give them a free pass. My husband had a horrific childhood, and he doesn't call me names, isn't unfaithful, and he doesn't accuse me of cheating.

 

In the future, choose a woman who is emotionally ready to be in a loving relationship and doesn't have egregious issues. Your relationship success will be far greater with her.

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Overall, it doesn't sound like you two were compatible from the get-go. Your ex reacting immaturely in your relationship, you two yelling and personally attacking each other screams toxic, unhealthy relationship.

 

It just doesn't sound like a relationship you could salvage, and frankly I'm not sure why you'd want to.

 

Something tells me that one day you're going to look back on this relationship and wonder how you stayed in it for as long as you did. You will find a healthy, loving relationship which will put things into perspective for you and make you realize what a solid, non-toxic relationship is all about.

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Overall, it doesn't sound like you two were compatible from the get-go. Your ex reacting immaturely in your relationship, you two yelling and personally attacking each other screams toxic, unhealthy relationship.

 

It just doesn't sound like a relationship you could salvage, and frankly I'm not sure why you'd want to.

 

Something tells me that one day you're going to look back on this relationship and wonder how you stayed in it for as long as you did. You will find a healthy, loving relationship which will put things into perspective for you and make you realize what a solid, non-toxic relationship is all about.

 

I think you're right. We would still be amazing together and we were the best friends. She was loving, caring and really sweet. I just thought those problems might be resolved in the long run. I don't want to salvage the relationship anymore, not after what she did.

 

The question is, do I have a problem with not controlling my emotions?

I never yelled and I never was like this and I don't want to be like this.

I want to know if I should see someone for this or if you guys think this was just her causing me to act this way.

You have to remember, I am not easily triggered into anger, only when being disrespected continuously.

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She is responsible for her behavior. Stop excusing her, and blaming her upbringing, as she is an adult.

I think that your problem is that you are co dependent. You need to understand what attracts you to projects and drama.

I hope that you will soon recognize that this was never good or healthy.

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I think you're right. We would still be amazing together and we were the best friends. She was loving, caring and really sweet. I just thought those problems might be resolved in the long run. I don't want to salvage the relationship anymore, not after what she did.

 

The question is, do I have a problem with not controlling my emotions?

I never yelled and I never was like this and I don't want to be like this.

I want to know if I should see someone for this or if you guys think this was just her causing me to act this way.

You have to remember, I am not easily triggered into anger, only when being disrespected continuously.

 

See someone for your co dependence!

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I think your problem is thinking your love could rescue someone who doesn't know how to behave in a mature, emotionally healthy way in a relationship. You can't fix broken people, and blaming their pasts doesn't give them a free pass. My husband had a horrific childhood, and he doesn't call me names, isn't unfaithful, and he doesn't accuse me of cheating.

 

In the future, choose a woman who is emotionally ready to be in a loving relationship and doesn't have egregious issues. Your relationship success will be far greater with her.

 

I def agree! A guy I dated tried to use his past as an excuse to try and control me. She has issues, none of which you can fix no matter what you do.

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