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I'm so sorry this happened. I've been having more vertigo/sensitivity like that in the last year or two (I am 52, not menopausal yet maybe perimenopausal). I had a stroke almost 10 years ago from which I recovered quickly and completely (post-pregnancy stroke) but the vertigo etc is different from those symptoms.

 

Here's what I have done differently in the last few years - doubled my water intake - I had been drinking 5-6 glasses, now it's about 11 glasses a day,plus no diet soda (some coffee) - I do drink some sparkling water on top of the plain water. It helps so much - the hydration, my digestion, my skin, energy level - I take it like a vitamin/medicine -I have my favorite brand of water bottle in two colors so no excuses.

 

I also have low blood sugar issues but my numbers are all good -meaning my bloodwork -had it checked a month ago - so I do make sure I don't get overly hungry - I used to carry stuff regularly but now what I do is if I'm going to the office (once or twice a week) I take a few dried figs with me - sugar plus fiber and it tides me over till lunch (I don't want to do vending machines, etc or candy). Also I eat my meals pretty much routine times - within an hour or so of a certain time - I snack very little but make sure I eat enough protein. Also I eat some avocado and almond butter each day (not together!) for the protein/staying power/fiber.

 

Again sorry that happened and glad you are ok -and yes I'd see a doc just in case.

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I'm so sorry this happened. I've been having more vertigo/sensitivity like that in the last year or two (I am 52, not menopausal yet maybe perimenopausal). I had a stroke almost 10 years ago from which I recovered quickly and completely (post-pregnancy stroke) but the vertigo etc is different from those symptoms.

 

Here's what I have done differently in the last few years - doubled my water intake - I had been drinking 5-6 glasses, now it's about 11 glasses a day,plus no diet soda (some coffee) - I do drink some sparkling water on top of the plain water. It helps so much - the hydration, my digestion, my skin, energy level - I take it like a vitamin/medicine -I have my favorite brand of water bottle in two colors so no excuses.

 

I also have low blood sugar issues but my numbers are all good -meaning my bloodwork -had it checked a month ago - so I do make sure I don't get overly hungry - I used to carry stuff regularly but now what I do is if I'm going to the office (once or twice a week) I take a few dried figs with me - sugar plus fiber and it tides me over till lunch (I don't want to do vending machines, etc or candy). Also I eat my meals pretty much routine times - within an hour or so of a certain time - I snack very little but make sure I eat enough protein. Also I eat some avocado and almond butter each day (not together!) for the protein/staying power/fiber.

 

Again sorry that happened and glad you are ok -and yes I'd see a doc just in case.

 

I’m sorry this happened, Batya, but very glad to hear you recovered quickly from that stroke.

 

And thank you for the suggestions. One thing I didn’t do yesterday was drink water and it may have been low blood pressure or low blood sugar as well that caused my body to react the way it did.

 

Low iron has always been a bit of an issue, off & on as well, so this could be the part of the reason I felt weak, maybe.

 

Stress doesn’t help either.

 

Hopefully the doctor can help find the source of the problem, but obviously it can’t hurt to stay on track with drinking my usual water intake and ensuring I’m eating properly and consistently throughout the day.

 

I think I just have to work on taking more time out for self-care these days, to be honest.

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Three weeks ago I fainted while I had high fever. Two weeks ago I went for blood test and fainted again while the nurse was taking blood. Thankfully I didn’t fall off the chair again. I assumed I fainted because of the fever or low blood pressure or lack of iron. The consensus of two doctors and one nurse was that I passed out due to dehydration.

I thought nonsense, how can somebody faint because he skipped three glasses of water? Besides, I thought that when you are dehydrated you would feel thirsty. Apparently I was wrong as usual. When I went back to the office the previous week I felt I was about to faint again. I drank three glasses of water and within 5 minutes I was feeling fine again. So, in my case it was indeed dehydration. Lesson learned. I increased my water intake.

 

Better go to the doctor but it is very possible that it’s dehydration.

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Three weeks ago I fainted while I had high fever. Two weeks ago I went for blood test and fainted again while the nurse was taking blood. Thankfully I didn’t fall off the chair again. I assumed I fainted because of the fever or low blood pressure or lack of iron. The consensus of two doctors and one nurse was that I passed out due to dehydration.

I thought nonsense, how can somebody faint because he skipped three glasses of water? Besides, I thought that when you are dehydrated you would feel thirsty. Apparently I was wrong as usual. When I went back to the office the previous week I felt I was about to faint again. I drank three glasses of water and within 5 minutes I was feeling fine again. So, in my case it was indeed dehydration. Lesson learned. I increased my water intake.

 

Better go to the doctor but it is very possible that it’s dehydration.

 

Hope you're feeling better, dias.

 

I know what you mean. You'd think that you'd feel thirsty if you're dehydrated, but clearly not the case.

 

I remember years ago, travelling to my parents place for Christmas. I had been home for a couple of days at this point, but I remember lying down and having to get up for Christmas dinner. As soon as I got up, I felt nauseous. My dad drove me to the hospital and after they conducted some tests, they determined that I was dehydrated and overly-fatigued. I also had the 48 hour flu. Not fun! But I remember thinking, "but I'm not thirsty", and "how did they determine I was fatigued?".

 

I've noticed that consuming water makes me feel more refreshed and energized.

 

Gosh knows why I find myself not drinking water some days when I know it's good for me (including yesterday), but sometimes I find my days just get away from me, I lose track of time, and I just don't make it a priority.

 

I'll be visiting the doctor soon, though, and thank you for your input!

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Gosh knows why I find myself not drinking water some days when I know it's good for me (including yesterday), but sometimes I find my days just get away from me, I lose track of time, and I just don't make it a priority.

 

I'll be visiting the doctor soon, though, and thank you for your input!

 

Yeah, it happens. Some people use reminder apps. Maybe that could help.

 

In any case, a doctor knows better. I am sure though you have nothing, probably dehydration again. Keep us updated :)

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  • 2 months later...

Haven't been here in a while and kinda felt the need to journal. Not sure why.

 

Not a fan of going to the mall and shopping for clothes, so for the first time ever, decided to make a clothing purchase online.

 

Received my purchase in the mail a few days later and, although it was nice, it looked a little too mature on me. I have to wear suits at work (most of the time), which I absolutely detest and sometimes the cost of suits just really blows my mind (a good, quality suit, anyway). And the thought of having to spend money on something, such as a suit, which I'm not a fan of is something I detest even more.

 

Anyway, I didn't like the idea of returning my purchase via the mail, so I grudgingly dragged my patoot to the mall in hopes of making a quick return.

 

I was determined to get in and out, asap. The malls in this city are friggin' huge. As soon as I got there, I found myself speed walking with my backpack on to my destination. All of a sudden, I hear, "Excuse me miss! Excuse me!" coming from behind. I didn't think they were talking to me. The mall was super crowded and they could have been talking to anyone. I then feel a tap on my shoulder and see someone run up beside me on the left. "You look like you're from South America. Are you from Argentina? You look like you're from Argentina. Do you speak Spanish?". I'm thinkin' "huh?". "No, not from there", I said, as I was trying to process the conversation as it was happening because it was, well....strange. All I wanted to do was get in and out of this mall and now some random stranger is asking me where I'm from and about my background and caught me off guard as I was speed walking through a busy mall. So weird.

 

I tried to cut the conversation short without seeming too cold, but I'll admit, I was spooked. He proceeded to ask for my email and number, in hopes of meeting up for coffee or a drink. I told him I was unavailable (which is kinda true, since I'm seeing someone), and I wasn't interested in him, at all - so even if I wasn't seeing anyone, I still would have come up with some kind of excuse.

 

As this odd conversation was happening, I thought about how quickly my guard went up when he approached and how I shouldn't be so quick to judge. I tried to find that happy medium between being polite and not seeming like a cold b**ch, since for all I know, maybe it's just a guy putting himself out there and taking a chance, and not some disingenuous guy feeding me lines. Either way, I commented on how nervy he was to have approached a random woman in the mall, but that I had to be on my way (I was hungry!) and still had to return my online purchase. I was still extremely uncomfortable though.

 

When I got home, a movie called 'The Lakehouse' was on tv, with Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves. Have seen parts of it before, but not the whole movie. I'll admit, one of my guilty pleasures is sappy, romantic movies. I found the connection between their two characters to be pretty interesting. Here are these two strangers forming a strong connection based on letters they've exchanged via snail mail. Without even having met in person yet, they confessed to loving each another. I then thought about other movies like The Notebook and Bridges of Madison County. I mean, I realize these are just movies, but I couldn't help but wonder how many people connect with and feel this way about someone in real life like the characters in these movies. I mean, is it too much of a stretch to think that this type of bond or connection actually happens in real life? To feel THAT strongly about someone and if it's possible for these types of feelings to last a lifetime?

 

I know of (or had known) some couples who seem to have what I would consider to be an uncommon connection. One couple I knew in particular had the most utmost respect for each other and shared a lot of common interests. They never argued and always looked at each other in the most loving and respectful way, and they were married for a very long time. I just always got the impression that their relationship and connection was unlike anything I had ever heard of or seen. There was just something about them and their relationship that was so special. They just seemed to complement each other and suit each other so well. I'm not even sure how to describe it. I don't know, maybe it's just the hopeless romantic in me that saw what I wanted to see, but there was just something about them, their chemistry and connection. I always hoped to find something as special as these two in a long-term partner.

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Here are these two strangers forming a strong connection based on letters they've exchanged via snail mail. Without even having met in person yet, they confessed to loving each another.

 

I mean, is it too much of a stretch to think that this type of bond or connection actually happens in real life? To feel THAT strongly about someone and if it's possible for these types of feelings to last a lifetime?

 

You see the wreckage from this sort of endeavor written all over the pages of this forum, and on shows like Catfish.

 

I don't think it's impossible, but I do think that people tend to confuse the dream of these connections with the reality of them, and they stop using their brains.

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You see the wreckage from this sort of endeavor written all over the pages of this forum, and on shows like Catfish.

 

I don't think it's impossible, but I do think that people tend to confuse the dream of these connections with the reality of them, and they stop using their brains.

 

I should clarify.

 

I'm questioning whether it's possible for this type of strong bond to happen in person, and if it's realistic (especially in terms of it lasting a lifetime).

 

I've dated and had relationships with men who I liked, but I've never really felt over the moon about them, so I often wonder if I'm missing out.

 

Is this portrayal of couples in movies (the in person bond) completely unrealistic? I'm wondering if there are any couples who can relate.

 

The whole falling in love and never meeting is well, ridiculous to me. Just not possible. I think it's possible to feel a certain chemistry with someone after exchanging messages, but whether that chemistry someone feels via messaging translates in person, who knows, but it isn’t love...

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I personally don't buy that that couple you mentioned never argue or have differences or feel blah about each other at times. And they may very well be an awesome couple whether or not they "always" have that connection. I agree with Jibralta. Yes I have felt over the moon. In a few cases it was infatuation/thrill of the chase/unavailable guy -meaning not married just not that into me/emotionally distant etc. In the case of my husband, when we reconnected I felt that way. Over time - no not like that initial over the moon rush - I mean I'm sure part of that was fueled by the initial excitement -but I will say that that strong feeling endures and helps a lot when things are stressful/chaotic/doldrum-ie (word?) because I can conjure up that feeling, remember it and remind myself why we're together.

 

And I've had the sort of opposite situation where I'm with a great person - truly great -and I am plagued with doubts, not really feeling it strongly enough, and trying to convince myself to stay, etc. It sucks and wastes everyone's time.

 

Here's how I think it worked for me - combination of - good timing, being the right person to find the right person, some luck/fate and being in a head space, in a place in my life, where I didn't need the thrill of the chase or "does he like me???" to keep me interested. I stayed the course, stayed interested, stayed reasonably sure (because yes, I did have some doubts at times- resolvable and more fleeting but sure!), and felt very deeply committed to us and to our future. I read about and hear about some of the things people want or think they want that have to do with sexual positions, looks/physical features and/or constantly having to feel over the moon on cloud nine and I simply cannot relate. Maybe I could in the past though. I am not "judging" -to each her own - and these are both married and single people with these concerns/complaints. Yes, I think my husband is cute and attractive, yes I think we probably could have more sex and yes we're parents and working our tails off and I'm probably perimenopausal. Life is not over the moon. I would not trade it for anything though - even though I have my moments as I assume everyone does (no not wanting to leave/divorce -I mean those unhappy/blah/drained moments ,etc).

 

So a little anecdote your mall encounter reminded me of. Around 12 years ago I was rushing to work but had to buy batteries. Stopped quickly at a local chain drugstore, and was perusing the batteries- finally finding the AAA. I hear a female voice behind me "what??? you're triple A??? I thought your bra size was 34 double A!!". Now I've always been a little too tolerant/trusting of strangers speaking to me in a store because I have that tourist magnet approachable face/demeanor even when I'm power walking lol - so from what I remember I was startled but actually answered her question (probably said something about batteries not bras!). Anyway I turn around and ..... it's my sister!! She had recently started working in the neighborhood, lived nowhere near me and just happened to be stopping off to buy something at the same time. Bizarre. Anyway she loved how I was so matter of fact ready to respond to her outrageous question. (yes if a male voice had made that comment -different response, I hope!)

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  • 3 months later...

So, no doubt I'm human. If any of you are familiar with my thread where I reconnected with a man last October (we met online about 5 or 6 years prior to, but nothing came of it due to distance, etc.), this post is related.

 

He was diagnosed with Mono back in March and had finally recovered this month, so we decided to meet last weekend for the first time. We sat down at the bar, and within minutes, I noticed he seemed short tempered. He'd say things like "Let me finish..." in a harsh tone as he was speaking and had a bit of an attitude. I couldn't believe it! This guy who emphasized the importance of meeting a "nice person" was making me feel like crap. But then all of a sudden, he would feed me compliments and tell me how great I was. I've never met anyone who blew so much hot & cold. One minute, "you're such a nice, happy person", the next minute, he'd be practically rolling his eyes, dismissing my comments, or shooting me a stoic look when I'd smile and crack a joke. Unbelievable.

 

So I asked him, after he paid the bill (he ordered food, I only ordered a water), if he wanted to leave. He responds with a surprised look on his face, "Should we?". We continue to stay and chat for another two hours. He continues to blow hot and cold. I'm completely taken aback. He then suggests that we leave because he's tired.

 

We step outside and he offers to walk me home. I thanked him, but told him that I was only five minutes away and would be fine walking on my own. His demeanor changes once again as we're saying goodbye, and we're standing face-to-face (as opposed to us having sat side-by-side at the bar beforehand).

 

My mind was reeling because I've never met anyone who blew so much hot & cold! Honestly, it was unreal.

 

At this point, as we're facing each other, he was clearly nervous, fumbling over his words and asks me, "Milly, why did we lose touch 6 years ago? What happened...?". So it was a somewhat seemingly emotional moment (he had the most uncomfortable look on his face when he asked me this).

 

So we exchanged a couple of laughs and words (in fact, this conversation was the best convo we had all night! I don't know if it was because we were face-to-face, or a result of us thinking that this might be the last we see of each other...no clue).

 

All of a sudden, he steps off to the side, has a very serious (almost pissed look on his face) and says, "Well, you have my number if you need anything on your way home" (implying that if I needed his help on my way home, if anything were to happen, that I could contact him). He went cold again!

 

I said, "Okay, I'll text you S.O.S.", smiled, and he just stared at me with a blank stare. At this point, I said, "See ya", waived goodbye, and that was it.

 

So, tonight, being the silly human being that I am, I texted him to ask why he seemed so short and irritable the other night (even though I'm not expecting this to go anywhere with him. I couldn't be with someone like this).

 

I know, shame on me! But I couldn't help it.

 

I haven't received a response yet, but I only sent it half an hour ago. Maybe he'll respond, maybe he won't.

 

No more endless texting for me. Lesson learned.

 

I don’t even know why I needed to text, to be exact. But I think I’m frustrated with myself for not calling him out over his behaviour when I had the chance in person on the weekend.

 

When I first heard his harsh tone, I immediately thought, “am I hearing this correctly?”, as if I was in denial. I was kind of floating in and out of this thought process where in one way I thought he was being a jerk, and then I would think, “no, I’m just being o early sensitive”. But I don’t believe I was being overly sensitive at all! I do believe he was out of line.

 

I just wish I said something in person.

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He responded this morning and said, “I wasn’t at all short/curt. Don’t know why you got that impression”.

 

Because you were short, curt and angry! (I didn’t say this to him in response).

 

Really, why would I have expected any different of a reply.

 

Obviously he’s going to deny it.

 

I made the mistake of not pointing it out when it happened while we were together.

 

Of all the personalities I want to avoid and I dread coming across, it’s this type of snippy, curt, I’m an a**hole, but I’m going to act as if I’ve done nothing wrong type of personality. Scary

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Yikes. He sounds like bad news.

 

I know, right?

 

I responded to him by saying, "Well, that's how it came across, at least to me".

 

I am honestly so mad at myself for not calling him out when we met on Saturday night. But really, I was so shocked at his snippiness. I was in denial. I'll admit, it kinda scared me a bit, too - how someone can seem so nice one second, and then the next, make you feel like crap. Can someone in this type of situation honestly not realize how rude they are? Does he honestly believe that he wasn't curt, short or seemingly angry? I honestly don't understand this. Any woman in my shoes would have been wondering if a screw was loose. I'm thinking that this guy will have to find someone who's submissive and tolerant of his BS in order to make a relationship work (but I hope there's no one out there who will tolerate this!).

 

Years ago I knew a guy like this (no one that I dated, or was interested in, but someone I knew very well). He broke my spirit. He was known by everyone he knew as being a sweetheart, but the people who knew him well were aware that he had extreme mood swings (which could be scary at times). He would just turn on me at the flip of a switch and took advantage of my generosity. He would call me names and talk to me like I was dirt, but he wouldn't do this when anyone was around (I guess he didn't want witnesses). Back then I was in denial of how he was treating me, but I eventually came to my senses and completely lost it on him one day. I told him that he hurt me, that he treated me like crap, and that I didn't like him. I'm still getting over how this guy treated me, mainly because it was someone I trusted and cared about. I had never had anyone treat me so horribly. People often said that "he wouldn't hurt a fly", and when he heard this, he'd laugh about it because in his mind, he had them fooled. This guy admitted to me that he didn't treat me right and that I did absolutely nothing to him to be treated in this way. He just took advantage because in his mind, he could (and get away with it!).

 

So this guy on Saturday freaked me out because I was having flashbacks to what I've dealt with in the past.

 

I've never experienced this with a man I've dated before. I could feel my spirit being crushed on Saturday. It was probably one of the worst first meets (if not the worst) I've ever had. I think it's what some people would refer to as a mindf***, to be honest.

 

His harsh tone, being combative, short tempered, telling me "let me finish" (in a douch**** type of way), making faces, rolling his eyes, almost balking at my comments/stories/jokes, huffing at times when I said something (as if he wanted me to react and get upset at him!), not smiling if I cracked a joke or was trying to engage him (he would just look at me as if he was looking down at me and being judge-y, if that makes sense). Not a nice person, folks.

 

I wish I could go back in time and call him out, but it is what it is.

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Ugh, why do I care so much...

 

Oh.... because you're human. I ask myself this kind of thing about a variety of situations. My friend is married to a guy she says is like this - he gets all these personable/personality related awards at their local place of worship - you know, great guy, does so much -and he is a jerk to his family. My husband is a really good guy but I ask him and remind him regularly to please not be "nice" if he is feeling otherwise -meaning, express your feelings directly and as pleasantly as possible so that you don't build up annoyance/resentment etc and then feel like you want to explode. He can be 'too nice" and reserved etc and sure if he can handle it and not build up crap inside, more power to him. Partly he was raised this way -to be very polite, quiet, reserved, etc not let it all hang out. My family was the opposite and we let it hang out too much!! Hard to find a balance.

 

But mood swings are another thing - like we all know that people lose it a bit at times and you can see it happening - and we cut slack because it's on a continuum. But you don't need people in your life who are over the top "nice" and then swing to an extreme. It is scary.

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Oh.... because you're human. I ask myself this kind of thing about a variety of situations. My friend is married to a guy she says is like this - he gets all these personable/personality related awards at their local place of worship - you know, great guy, does so much -and he is a jerk to his family. My husband is a really good guy but I ask him and remind him regularly to please not be "nice" if he is feeling otherwise -meaning, express your feelings directly and as pleasantly as possible so that you don't build up annoyance/resentment etc and then feel like you want to explode. He can be 'too nice" and reserved etc and sure if he can handle it and not build up crap inside, more power to him. Partly he was raised this way -to be very polite, quiet, reserved, etc not let it all hang out. My family was the opposite and we let it hang out too much!! Hard to find a balance.

 

But mood swings are another thing - like we all know that people lose it a bit at times and you can see it happening - and we cut slack because it's on a continuum. But you don't need people in your life who are over the top "nice" and then swing to an extreme. It is scary.

 

Thanks for chiming in, B. Much appreciated - as per usual.

 

I don't know - I'm definitely questioning myself and whether I was being overly sensitive towards this guy on Saturday. I was talking to my mom about what happened and for as long as I can remember, she would ask me if I'm being overly sensitive about certain things that have happened in my life. Therefore, I now question ALL OF THE TIME whether I'm being reasonable in terms of my reaction, or overly sensitive. At first she says, "Oh, you don't need someone like that in your life", and then as we discussed it and I questioned myself, she said, "Well, maybe you were being overly sensitive. Everyone has their foibles". Ah, I'm frustrated.

 

In terms of my night on Saturday with this guy, the good times were great. But those moments where he seemed snippy basically took away from the positive experience, at least for me. I went into the meet being very interested and was sad to see him go. I believe he felt the same way based on our conversations.

 

I don't think there's much I can do at this point with him anyway. I don't think texting him and reaching out is an option. Even if I did decide to text him, I don't even know what I'd say...

 

Reaching out would be a bad idea, right?

 

I just can't believe I won't be talking to him again.

 

I detest when a man has this much control over my thoughts. However, I realize that in time, provided we never speak again, that this will fade...

 

I'm feeling weak and having a difficult time thinking rationally in terms of what I should do. I'm too much in my own head right now.

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Oh I do think time will help and I know that's cold comfort sometimes. You need space and distance to be able to look at this and evaluate it with a little less adrenaline, a tad less emotional involvement. I know time and space helped me in evaluating two friendships that ended in the past few years, for example. Do you like to exercise/work out? I find that helps me a great deal.

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My friend is married to a guy she says is like this - he gets all these personable/personality related awards at their local place of worship - you know, great guy, does so much -and he is a jerk to his family.

 

He was known by everyone he knew as being a sweetheart, but the people who knew him well were aware that he had extreme mood swings (which could be scary at times). He would just turn on me at the flip of a switch and took advantage of my generosity. He would call me names and talk to me like I was dirt, but he wouldn't do this when anyone was around (I guess he didn't want witnesses).

 

Interesting!! I have a friend who is in an abusive marriage. Her husband treats her like absolute garbage. It's unbelievable. Yet he is the most popular, well-liked guy in the world. Everyone knows him. Everyone likes him. I can't understand it.

 

Reaching out would be a bad idea, right?

 

Yes. Go with your gut. You don't need this trouble.

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Oh I do think time will help and I know that's cold comfort sometimes. You need space and distance to be able to look at this and evaluate it with a little less adrenaline, a tad less emotional involvement. I know time and space helped me in evaluating two friendships that ended in the past few years, for example. Do you like to exercise/work out? I find that helps me a great deal.

 

Thanks, Bat! You're right. It's all still fresh and raw right now, but in time, I know I'll feel better. I'm just hoping I hold off on reaching out (his number is engrained in my brain, despite deleting him as a contact).

 

Funny you mention that, but I've been working out more since last Sunday (the day after I met him). It definitely helps with blowing off steam.

 

Who knows, maybe with my new workout routine I'll end up in better shape (all thanks to him!).

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Interesting!! I have a friend who is in an abusive marriage. Her husband treats her like absolute garbage. It's unbelievable. Yet he is the most popular, well-liked guy in the world. Everyone knows him. Everyone likes him. I can't understand it.

 

 

 

Yes. Go with your gut. You don't need this trouble.

 

Thanks, Jib! I'll lay low and (hopefully) maintain no contact.

 

I know. I have no doubt that the people like your friend's husband, Batya's friend's husband and the guy I knew are very calculating. They know exactly when to lay on the charm and when they can turn it off. Very scary.

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Inhale, exhale (as I often have to remind myself)...

 

I think the cause of these spins is, in the end, pretty simple. You had years to build up a set of expectations, but, alas, when you were face to face it wasn’t great. Weird vibes. Weird energy. Happens. But since there was a very particular build up you’re now breaking your brain to figure out why. Was it him? Was it you?

 

It was neither, or it was both. Even if you could figure out what it was, it doesn’t negate the weird night. It was a bad date you hoped would be a great date. That’s a pretty mundane story, I know, but maybe that can just be the story? Diving into your life history to figure it out, or sitting here and wishing you’d called him out, or kinda sorta wanting to reach out—well, I think a lot of that is you wanting to make the facts (bad date you wished went better) have more meaning.

 

Were he a guy you matched with on Bumble two weeks ago and had great text chemistry with you’d likely just be shrugging and laughing. Since there were years here it feels different, more personal, more consequential. Feels like you’re suppose to do more than shrug and laugh.

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Inhale, exhale (as I often have to remind myself)...

 

I think the cause of these spins is, in the end, pretty simple. You had years to build up a set of expectations, but, alas, when you were face to face it wasn’t great. Weird vibes. Weird energy. Happens. But since there was a very particular build up you’re now breaking your brain to figure out why. Was it him? Was it you?

 

It was neither, or it was both. Even if you could figure out what it was, it doesn’t negate the weird night. It was a bad date you hoped would be a great date. That’s a pretty mundane story, I know, but maybe that can just be the story? Diving into your life history to figure it out, or sitting here and wishing you’d called him out, or kinda sorta wanting to reach out—well, I think a lot of that is you wanting to make the facts (bad date you wished went better) have more meaning.

 

Were he a guy you matched with on Bumble two weeks ago and had great text chemistry with you’d likely just be shrugging and laughing. Since there were years here it feels different, more personal, more consequential. Feels like you’re suppose to do more than shrug and laugh.

 

Thanks, BC! I appreciate your input.

 

You're right, our history definitely built up my expectations, even though I tried to keep them low.

 

I'm very rarely ever interested in anyone, so I couldn't help but get a little excited. I was so happy to see his face when I walked into the bar!

 

But really, this was the most confusing first meet I've ever had: Firstly, due to my feelings. I was so interested in him and getting to know him (in person)! The problem I'm having is, was my reaction to him on Saturday (and now) a result of him not living up to my fantasy (and the person I thought he was after a ridiculously long period of communication), or do I genuinely think he's a jerk. Know what I mean? I mean, like you mentioned BC, if it were some other guy who I wasn't interested in, or to be honest, had feelings for, I would not have been as sensitive to what happened and how this guy seemed to be acting. But because it just so happened to be THE guy I've been crushing on, I did get offended.

 

Secondly, I can't leave out the fact that there were some highs on our date. I could tell he was interested. I mean, now that I'm in my 30's I feel like I can pick up on this more so than when I was in my teens and 20's, you know? The smiles, the eye contact, the body language. I know my posts are all over the place right now, so please bear with me, but yes, our good moments together on Saturday were great. I had moments of butterflies. The weird part? As soon as I felt the butterflies, I'd get hit with a low. But again, am I being too sensitive? Was I being too critical of him?

 

A dear friend contacted me today and after discussing her most recent trip, she asked about my dating life. She gave some great advice, as per usual, when I told her about what happened. I informed her about the text that I sent him, where I basically asked him what was up because during about 50% of our conversations on Saturday, he seemed short/curt/angry (and I spent forever drafting this text to him because I didn't want to offend him. I only wanted to open up the dialogue and get to the bottom of what was happening). Plus, I have come to be pretty straightforward with him and he told me that he appreciates this about me (maybe not so much anymore since receiving my text...).

 

First off, my friend advised that maybe his nerves got the best of him and that he hasn't had much dating experience. Okay, fair enough - this is a possibility. This did occur to me, but I had a hard time seeing past what seemed to be him being angry/pissed off. But hey, back when I was in my late teens/early 20's, my nerves would get the best of me and I always seemed to succeed at making the one guy I liked think I hated him/was uninterested. Seriously, I had this perfected (I know, not something to brag about). So yes, maybe he had gone into self-defense mode. Who knows. Nerves and emotions make us do weird, illogical things.

 

My friend also advised that if by any chance I am unsure about my feelings towards him, I can always send him a text, see how he responds, and ask him out for a second meet. This way (whether it be a via a second meet or a lack of response or lackluster response on his part) I'll know for sure whether he truly is a no-match, or of I misread him. She basically told me to be open and honest with him, and to tell him how I feel.

 

The thing is, I don't know if I'm sure or unsure about what happened on Saturday! Lol. I'm flip-flopping here, people. Or maybe I want to be unsure as opposed to sure, because then there's still a chance?

 

Oh boy...

 

The thing is, even if I want to see where things will go, I will have to reach out to him because as my sweet friend advised, there's no way in heck he's going to reach out to me after the text that I sent him (re: him seeming curt, etc.). And she's right. She says that he would have taken my text as saying that I was disappointed with the date and therefore, no longer interested. *I'm having texter's remorse!*

 

And if I am going to feel him out, she advised that I better reach out sooner rather than later. I do think she's right about this as well, but I was really hoping to wait it out a bit longer in hopes of having some clarity for myself. I feel like I need to let the dust settle before I make any decisions in this situation. I'd rather wait and hope to find some clarity, at least within the next few days, before firing off a text that I'm unsure about sending in the first place.

 

I wouldn't be surprised if he wanted a little more space and distance to himself for the time-being as well. I mean, our date was only on Saturday - so not that long ago. I have no doubt that he's had a long work week and just wants to enjoy some down time, without receiving any texts from me. Lol

Edited by milly007
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And p.s. - Thanks for the feedback, all! You're the bestest.

 

Place your bets, people, what do you think I'm going to do? Lol

 

Text or no text. :p

 

J/k

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And just as a side note, guys: We connected online 6-7 years ago, exchanged messages online, spoke on the phone and texted for maybe a few weeks. We lived 1.5 hours apart and both worked crazy hours, so eventually, the communication just fizzled out. Fast forward to today, he messages me on a different site last Fall. He doesn’t recognize me due to new pics, but I recognize him. And so the reconnection begins...

 

I know I've been focusing more on the negative regarding this meet, so I'll post some of the highlights of the meet from Saturday night:

 

1. He offered to come meet me in my part of the city (I didn't have to go on a wild goose chase throughout the city via subway or cab to meet him, and then when coming home).

2. When we established via text when we were going to meet, he told me that he would happily walk me home as far as I felt comfortable allowing him to walk me home afterwards, so I wouldn't have to walk home alone late at night (and that I could just see how things go and see how I feel after the meet). I responded via text by telling him that I would be fine walking on my own since I was only around the corner, but thanked him for offering.

3. Big hug upon meeting. He pulled out my chair at the bar before sitting down. Said he loved my name (seriously, such a sweet compliment).

4. He ordered food and water. I only ordered a water. And even though I wasn't hungry, he still asked for an extra set of silverware, if by chance I was hungry and wanted to taste his food.

5. Great eye contact throughout the night. Lots of inside jokes (because we had a ton of material, considering how long we communicated for prior to meeting), so lots of laughs.

6. Compliments (guy was full of compliments!)

7. Sharing stories about our loved ones, discussing how lucky we are and how we appreciate the more simple things

8. His expression and smile when I made him laugh hard! (priceless)

9. His response when I asked him if he was ready to leave after having sat at the bar for two hours and he paid the bill. The exchange went something like this: Milly - "Did you want to go?" His Response: He turns his head around to look at me while leaning on the bar and with a confused look, smiles and says "Should we?". I laugh, shrug my shoulders and say, "Ummm...I don't know...". At this point, he looks down at the three dishes he ordered (wings, a salad, and some fries). He had already finished eating his wings and fries earlier and mentioned that he didn't have room for his salad. At this point he says, "Maybe I'll try eating my salad, or do you want it?". Milly - "Oh, no thanks". He then begins to try and eat his salad only to realize, once again, that he just didn't have the appetite. At this point it seemed like he used his salad as a reason to stay longer. We continue with our chat for another couple of hours...

10. We decide it's getting late and get up to leave. At this point it's around 12:15 a.m. As we walk outside, I ask him where he parked and he informs me that he took an Uber. He then says, "My offer still stands if you want me to walk you home". Milly: "Oh, thank you, but I really am fine walking home. It's only 5 minutes away". I reach out to hug him and say, "Thank you for coming out. It was nice meeting you". As we're hugging he says, "I had fun, Milly". At this stage, we're now standing across from each other, and there's a shift in his demeanor (at the bar, we were sitting side-by-side, which is what he prefers). I'm on the brink of saying goodbye and about to walk away, because, well, it just felt like the natural order of how things should proceed. He looks uncomfortable, which I can understand, and kind of red-faced. He proceeds to talk about how crazy it was that we connected 6 or 7 years ago and now, here we were, re-connected, hanging out for over four hours at a bar and living within a close proximity to each other. At this stage, I could tell that he was attempting to prolong the conversation. He didn't want to leave, at least it didn't seem so. And then comes my favourite moment of the night, "Milly, what happened? Why did we lose touch 6-7 years ago?". Honestly guys, maybe I'm just a sap, but the tone of his voice, paired with the look on his face and in his eyes, and the awkward positioning of his body made my heart melt a bit. I wanted to ask him to do it again! There was just something about this moment where I feel like he let his guard down and let his emotions show (he was vulnerable! yes!). I wanted to squeeze him! Lol, but didn't want to scare him away. We talked for another maybe 10 minutes before we went our separate ways...

Edited by milly007
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