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For a while I've been contemplating whether I should post a journal. I love to write and vent my thoughts, and lately life has tossed a few curveballs my way and I'm looking for ways to manage stress and still, live my life happily. So why not post a journal, right? Right. :)

 

So, I moved to a very large city about 2 years ago for a better job. It's been a contract position. One month ago there was a large lay-off at our company and therefore, I knew the odds of being hired on full time were slim.

 

So my contract is coming to an end in a few months and I'm scrambling to find a job (on top of working my full time position and kinda, sorta dating.

 

I have a pretty stressful job, so at the end of the day, there's nothing I'd love more than kicking my feet up and relaxing.

 

About 2 months ago, I met a nice guy online. I wasn't overly eager to meet up, but was enjoying getting to know him. He drove 45 minutes into the city to meet me. We discussed that if we didn't meet then, we doubt we would have ever met. He also mentioned that he noticed my messages seeming shorter and infrequent. He thought I was losing interest. Then we met. Had a nice chat and visit in general.

 

He messaged me a couple of days later saying he hoped we would be seeing each other again. We tried to arrange something immediately, but work got in the way for both of us. He was starting a new job and travelling out of country, and I was dealing with the repercussions of a lay-off at work, while now scrambling to find a job for when my contract ends while I worked full time.

 

We finally met up again two Saturdays ago. He drove into the city, and into my area as well. By this point we had been messaging each other at least once a day. He offered to pick me up, which I declined. Don't feel comfortable having a guy pick me up on the second meet.

 

We meet up, and again, had a nice visit and chat. He mentioned that I seem to move at a slow pace. I asked him what he meant, considering circumstances are what prevented us from meeting up for a second time sooner (I.e. - work, distance, etc.). He proceeded to mention that normally on the second date, either he's going back to her place, or her to his ("but nothing happens, of course" - lol, of course nothing happens. Does he think I was born yesterday?). I was a bit surprised at his comment. To each their own, but I've never gone home with a guy after a second date; nor have I brought anyone home. I'm looking for long term and therefore I'm cautious. I should note that he's looking for longterm as well, and wants to eventually settle down and have kids.

 

During our date we were sitting across from each other. There was flirting and smiling, but he commented that I'm not very touchy/feely. I was, again, surprised at his comment because, well, he wasn't very touchy either. Anyway, I just got the feeling he was craving some physical contact, which is fine. At the end of the night he was commenting on the next time we meet and asked for a hug.

 

We parted ways and on Wednesday, I asked him how he was. Apparently he had been sick and was just getting better.

 

We've been messaging basically every other day and he's been asking me how my job interviews are going. We already have silly nicknames for each other, too. My concern is that his messages are becoming less and less and he doesn't seem as eager as when we first met.

 

And with Xmas approaching, it might be another 1.5 weeks or so before we see each other again; that's if we see each other again.

 

He seems quite sweet and the type of guy I'm looking for, but I'm just not getting a good read on him.

 

I think I just might hold back on sending as many messages. Maybe I'll just folllow him at his own speed.

 

We'll see...

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It's funny how initially I was feeling indifferent, but now I'm very interested. But this is what I want - to take my time and get to know someone. He seems so kind and caring, and the more I see this side of him, the more attracted I am.

 

Yet, I'm sensing the opposite with him, where I thought he was more interested in the beginning. I could be wrong there, though. He might be feeling the same way as me. The messages he sends are thoughtful and sweet; almost protective, which I like.

 

Fingers crossed on this one. 🤞

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  • 2 weeks later...

The guy I refer to in the above posts and I have been exchanging messages here and there. We've both been busy with the holidays and work. No third date scheduled at this point.

 

I'm still surprised that he mentioned during our second date that normally by this point (the second date), he's either going back to the girl's place, or she's going back to his (with no intention of sex). It's fine if two people decide to do this. However, I can't say I've gone back to a guy's place after a second date; nor have I invited a guy back to my place. He made it sound like it was commonplace for him. I don't have any friends who do this either. I'm looking for longterm, so I'm not looking to rush things physically. But I'm wondering if he was trying to manipulate me into thinking that what I was doing was wrong. Since our last date, two weeks ago, our communication isn't as frequent. Maybe he was looking for something more physical from the get-go?

 

He would say: "you don't really talk about your emotions, or feelings", or "you're not very touchy-feely".

 

I say, "we've only been out twice. I'm still getting to know you". Meanwhile, he hasn't discussed his feelings either, nor was he at all touchy-feely.

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  • 2 months later...

So it's been a while since I've posted on here, and I'm feeling a need to vent, so...

 

Went out with a funny guy a couple of weeks ago. Met online, chatted on the phone for a bit, and set up a first meet.

 

We met at a nice bar downtown (live in a very large city) and it was super packed. He seemed really nervous, but it was cute.

 

Of all things, while talking/joking, this guy on the other side of me (date and I were sitting next to each other at the bar) decides to join our conversation. He was in the city for a couple of days for work. At first I thought I was imagining things, but think he was hitting on me, despite being there with with this other guy. I wasn't rude to him. I, as well as my date, engaged in conversation with him. I by no means flirted with the guy. I just remember how uncomfortable I felt on a few occasions during the night.

 

As my date and I got up to leave, the other guy asked me if I had Facebook. I looked at my date to say, "yes, I'm sure Evan (my date)" has FB. I just put it back on my date because I felt uncomfortable. I didn't say anything about having FB. Then this guy proceeds to give me his card, which I then gave to Evan. Guy then held my hand for a prolonged period of time as my date and I said our goodbyes to him. I just went to shake his hand, and he held it, while giving a certain look. Man that was uncomfortable.

 

The next night, my date texts me: "So, did you email Brendan?". I guess he didn't realize that I passed Brendan's card to him. I said, "I passed Brendan's card to you. Lol". Evan then replies, "Oh...very smooth". I then ask him "And why would I email Brendan?". Evan responds, "I'm just joking. You know...making a funny".

 

Either way, wasn't quite feeling it with Evan, despite him being a nice guy.

 

I recently received a notification on an app that this cute guy wanted to chat with me. Didn't respond because Was busy with work. He then notified me again that he wanted to chat. We've exchanged a couple of messages. He's been abroad this past week for work and returning home this weekend. He wants to meet up on Monday for a drink, which I've agreed to.

 

So, I'll admit. I'm looking forward to meeting this one. He's looks very handsome and seems to have a lot of the qualities I'm looking for, on paper that is.

 

I've noticed that when a guy like this pursues me, and seems to have a lot of amazing qualities and check marks in terms of what I'm looking for, I become somewhat suspicious like, "what's the catch? What's wrong with him?". I know this sounds bad, but I've been propositioned for sex and gawd knows what else so many times online, I feel I'm becoming jaded, to a certain extent.

 

I'm remaining positive though and just looking forward to the experience. It'll be fun I think.

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As my date and I got up to leave, the other guy asked me if I had Facebook. I looked at my date to say, "yes, I'm sure Evan (my date)" has FB. I just put it back on my date because I felt uncomfortable. I didn't say anything about having FB. Then this guy proceeds to give me his card, which I then gave to Evan. Guy then held my hand for a prolonged period of time as my date and I said our goodbyes to him. I just went to shake his hand, and he held it, while giving a certain look. Man that was uncomfortable.

 

The next night, my date texts me: "So, did you email Brendan?". I guess he didn't realize that I passed Brendan's card to him. I said, "I passed Brendan's card to you. Lol". Evan then replies, "Oh...very smooth". I then ask him "And why would I email Brendan?". Evan responds, "I'm just joking. You know...making a funny"

 

That was a good thing to do on your part. Even if you're not feeling it with Evan.

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That was a good thing to do on your part. Even if you're not feeling it with Evan.

 

Thanks, Jibralta. I think I was in disbelief over this other guy's (Brendan's) actions and couldn't initially comprehend that someone would be this overly friendly under the circumstances. So at first I was in denial and thought I was imagining things.

 

I mean, if I saw a man and woman at a bar together, I'd err on the side of caution and assume they're together. Who knows...maybe Brendan didn't realize how he was coming across. But I just remember thinking most of the night, "I just don't want Evan to think I'm interested in this guy". It was just an odd set of circumstances.

 

Evan seemed sweet. I would never hit on anyone in a situation like that, and I hope the same would be done for me if the roles were reversed.

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  • 2 weeks later...

So it feels like my dating options are getting worse.

 

Went to the salon on thursday night and when I got home, I thought I'd check out an online dating app. I matched with a very adorable man (probably one of the few I felt instantly VERY attracted to). He messaged me while I was sleeping, and I replied the next morning while on my way to work. He responds, "just heading into work, but let's chat soon".

 

While on my lunch break, I decide to do a search. I googled his name and my city. I didn't think I'd find anything, considering he has a common name and I live in a city with millions upon millions upon millions of people.

 

Low and behold, an article popped up where this guy was charged with assaulting someone (charges which were dropped/not proven), and pictures of him. At first, I'm thinking, "this can't be him". So I took the name in the newspaper article and looked him up on FB. It was him! And to the app I went and...delete! Ah! So scary. Seeing this article about him really bothered me. It was so disturbing.

 

So, today I decided to try a new app. I matched with a guy and we were having a good conversation. He just moved to my city back in December. I decided to look him up on FB, and guess what! He's listed as being in a relationship with someone (she lives in the location where he moved from in December). And, to the app I went and...delete! Eek!

 

Something's in the water folks, and I don't like it! Lol

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And I've never come across anything like I have this past weekend in my dating experience.

 

It's quite scary, actually, and just goes to show why we shouldn't rush things when dating.

 

Getting to know people takes time.

 

Or, they're just a google search away. Lol

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I have a couple of meets scheduled for Sunday and Monday.

 

The way one guy asked me out was quite cute. Normally they ask if I want to meet up for a drink, coffee or dinner, but this guy actually said, "Milly, would you like to go on a date with me?".

 

The other guy I'm meeting seems to be a bit more guarded.

 

Well, I won't know really until we meet. See how it goes.

 

Another guy wanted to meet last minute, after work, last night. I was kinda tempted, but the thought of heading home and relaxing was much more appealing.

 

And for the first time, some guy asked me (as his first message) if I send NSFW pics. Didn't even know what NSFW meant when he asked, but clearly the answer was 'nope'. I then looked it up - 'Not Safe For Work' is apparently what it means. Oh gawd.

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NSFW=NSFAFM (for a first meet).

 

Wow- learn something new everyday. I'm really glad you're continuing to do this and good bullet dodging with the google search scary guy.

 

I know! The app with scary guy is one that shall remain nameless. It doesn't have the best reputation, but I thought I'd give it a try. Friends were using it, so I thought it couldn't be that bad. Well, it was. So I deleted the app in general.

 

Looking forward to the meets this week though. Should be interesting. I think I have four scheduled now, but I might try and push two into the following week. Four in one week is too much for me.

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  • 5 months later...

It’s been a while since I’ve posted on here, but as of today, thought it would be helpful to journal my time on my journey to get back in shape, too - not just my dating experiences (which I’m not investing as much time in these days).

 

As of today, I’m going to try intermittent fasting. Will see how it goes. My goal is to lose 10 pounds.

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Good! :) I kinda need that. Helps me stay in line. I really want to achieve this goal.

 

Good luck however you reach your goal! You can do this! My niece just lost 14 pounds (baby weight) and is so so thrilled. She is doing one of those MLM programs which wouldn't be my choice but she is over the moon with how she looks and feels.

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Good luck however you reach your goal! You can do this! My niece just lost 14 pounds (baby weight) and is so so thrilled. She is doing one of those MLM programs which wouldn't be my choice but she is over the moon with how she looks and feels.

 

Thank you.

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So, dating hasn't really been much of a priority these days due to other things happening in my life at the moment. I have met a fair amount of guys since my last dating related post on here, but just haven't thought about or felt the need to document it, I guess.

 

Well, about two weeks ago I began chatting with one guy online. After exchanging a few emails, we exchange numbers and he texts me.

 

His messages or the way he expresses himself comes across to me as though he's quite serious. He doesn't joke, use emojis, or respond to any of my jokes in a lighthearted way like most other guys do, so I wasn't really feeling confident in the way we were communicating. I was questioning whether he had a sense of humour, as I've never texted with someone like this before. I did, eventually, learn that he was somewhat shy - a slow to warm-up type, which I completely get.

 

After exchanging a few texts, he asked me last week (Monday) if I wanted to meet face-to-face. We decided that we were going to meet after he was done work on Thursday and that he would come to my end of the city for drinks. He told me to have a great day, and I reciprocated.

 

Thursday rolls around and nothing. No message, no call...dead silence. I wasn't quite feeling any sort of connection, so I wasn't really all that disappointed. All of a sudden he messages me today, "Hi Milly, it's Ben. We haven't met yet? How was your weekend?". At this point, I'm thinking, "huh?", and after thinking about how I felt and what I wanted to say I said something along the lines of (I have since deleted the text messages), "Well we were supposed to meet last Thursday as discussed which didn't happen and I'm not sure why, so I just let it go". He responds, "Can I call you tonight?". I'm thinking, "I'm not really feeling this, but should I give it and him a chance?". I didn't want to respond too quickly without having more time to think about it.

 

I ended up falling asleep and when I wake-up, he's texted again saying, "Is that cool? I'd like to speak with you briefly". I was about to head out and therefore couldn't speak on the phone, but I didn't really want to either. I said, "I can't speak tonight as I'm heading out to meet a friend for dinner". And then I said, "I'm not quite sure how to say this, but I don't think we're a match. You seem like a nice guy though and I hope you find what you're looking for. :) ". I honestly didn't know if I was dealing with a flake after what happened, and didn't want to waste my time . He writes back immediately and says, "How can you even know whether or not we're compatible if we haven't met. Clearly it's another issue. Wow, good luck". After some thought, because I felt bad and wanted to make sure he understood, I said, "But Ben, we were supposed to meet last Thursday, and that didn't happen, so I was surprised to hear from you today. I don't want to waste my time or anyone else's. Am I missing something here? Because I'm finding this situation a bit confusing".

 

I didn't hear anything in response, and I doubt I will. I just don't want to waste my time with guys who don't follow through, when there are men out there who do. I know I need someone more assertive and I need that witty banter which I wasn't getting AT ALL from him. It was like he didn't have any sort of sense of humour. However, it's not to say I didn't think he had a real sweet side, though - because it seemed like he did. Maybe I did make the wrong decision. I don't know. Maybe I should have given him a chance and spoke with him, at the very least, on the phone. I just really didn't like how we agreed we would meet up last Thursday (his idea) in my area of the city and he didn't bother to follow through. It made me lose interest.

 

Any thoughts?

 

I guess I was also surprised at this reaction to me saying that I didn't think we were a match. I mean, could he really be that surprised? I swear, sometimes when it comes to dating I wonder if I'm in the twilight zone and if my standards are too high. Ok, so I expected a follow through after we actually said we would meet after work on Thursday, is that so bad? If someone can't make it, that's fine, but just send a message and let me know either way.

 

I mean, I had to say something because he texted twice. I couldn’t just say, ‘can’t talk’ and leave it it open for further discussion.

 

Kinda wishing I spoke with him now though (just a little bit). May have turned out differently.

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I had a number of experiences like that (I kept a list as I often talked with men with the same first name so I kept track and never messed up) - where the guy would promise to call on a certain day to confirm a plan, flake, or make a plan and flake at the last minute, etc. I just brushed it off like an annoying fly. The only difference was by that time we'd exchanged two emails and had one or two phone calls. With very few exceptions I never had more contact than that before meeting and met over 100 men in person. One guy was surprised because he promised to call me on a Wednesday to make a plan. He emailed a few days later, no apology or excuse. He thought since he was a successful physician I would of course let that go. Nope. My goal was marriage. I needed someone reliable, especially as a first impression. I just spent less time on people like that than you did with this guy. Those are my thoughts. Sometimes I said nothing because why lecture a stranger on how to behave in a common sense way -did he miss that day in kindergarten when basic manners were taught? Sometimes based on the interaction I had to say something especially to men who contacted me a long time later after we'd met and forgot we'd ever met lol.

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Meh. Just as well you didn't waste your voice. "How can you tell..." reflected a knee jerk reaction that is basically whiny and dismissive. Rather than challenge your authority over yourself, he would have been better off had he said Thank you for letting me know, or, I understand and respect your conclusion. However, if you'd like to meet in person, let me know? (Because he obvi was confused). To which you would have replied as you did, he would have apologized profusely, and you may have agreed to try again.

 

His reply was without grace and without transparency. He was a player who got caught playin. He lacked sincerity and felt as if he got caught, which is why he went quiet. We all make mistakes with our calendars sometimes, he was human, he could have recovered. His judgment of himself tells you what you need to know. You dodged a bullet.

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It just blows my mind sometimes how differently we all think about certain things. In my mind, if I schedule a meet/date with a guy for tonight, for example, and let him know that I'll come to his end of the city after work for drinks, I will always follow through. If I don't contact the guy or follow through, I'm not expecting the guy to continue investing any more time in me. It's clear to me that I've blown my chance and that he'll write me off.

 

A person's time is precious, and most of us are limited for time as it is. I'm not about to waste anyone's time or mine.

 

Guys scheduling a meet and not following through doesn't happen very often, so this experience was a bit different.

 

When dealing with a situation, I try and treat people the way I would like to be treated. Due to this guy seeming confused, I felt like I had to connect the dots for him and explain why I backed out. Plus, I'm a big believer that communication can help prevent a lot of misunderstandings and solve problems, so I'm hoping that maybe he'll keep what I had to say in mind moving forward in terms of the next person that he meets (however, I'm not holding my breath).

 

What's concerning to me is that so many people treat each other the way he did with me (i.e. - by not following through), that it's almost or is becoming the norm, which is why I think he may have been confused by my response and maybe expected me to give him another chance. He didn't seem to comprehend that him not following through on this meet/date means that we're different people and I would expect something different from a guy who I would consider a match; hence our incompatibility.

 

His response was definitely a knee jerk reaction and passive aggressive. I wouldn't really expect any different of a reply these days. Every now and then I'll come across a guy who will say something along the lines of, "Hey, I think there was a misunderstanding here and I'd like to clear the air. Can I call you tomorrow to discuss?".

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"It just blows my mind sometimes how differently we all think about certain things. In my mind, if I schedule a meet/date with a guy for tonight, for example, and let him know that I'll come to his end of the city after work for drinks, I will always follow through. If I don't contact the guy or follow through, I'm not expecting the guy to continue investing any more time in me. It's clear to me that I've blown my chance and that he'll write me off.

 

A person's time is precious, and most of us are limited for time as it is. I'm not about to waste anyone's time or mine. "

 

Me too. 100%. I agree with communication when it's with a friend or someone you plan to keep in touch with. If it's a near stranger then I don't bother - because it likely will come across as patronizing/a lecture and won't have the sort of impact I hoped for. I also don't tell people what they already know or should know, unsolicited. I once had a guy who I met twice -two first meets separated by a year - we had a great time and he was newly divorced. He expressed interest in seeing me again. He called me while I was on another call and said "call me if you want to talk about why I didn't call you again" or something like that. Since nothing unusual happened on the date I didn't call him. I met him twice, he probably wasn't ready to date, that's fine and what would I learn from hearing his views on meeting me twice? Might have been interesting but not a good use of my time. That's kind of the way I see it.

 

I can relate to your frustration. Sigh.

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Never give no shows another chance. It's not like an old friend who had an emergency and couldn't call. It's just plain rude and selfish. Agree in the western world people's time and energy is money and worth something. It's not a free banana boat down the Amazon on island time.

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So, dating hasn't really been much of a priority these days due to other things happening in my life at the moment. I have met a fair amount of guys since my last dating related post on here, but just haven't thought about or felt the need to document it, I guess.

 

Well, about two weeks ago I began chatting with one guy online. After exchanging a few emails, we exchange numbers and he texts me.

 

His messages or the way he expresses himself comes across to me as though he's quite serious. He doesn't joke, use emojis, or respond to any of my jokes in a lighthearted way like most other guys do, so I wasn't really feeling confident in the way we were communicating. I was questioning whether he had a sense of humour, as I've never texted with someone like this before. I did, eventually, learn that he was somewhat shy - a slow to warm-up type, which I completely get.

 

After exchanging a few texts, he asked me last week (Monday) if I wanted to meet face-to-face. We decided that we were going to meet after he was done work on Thursday and that he would come to my end of the city for drinks. He told me to have a great day, and I reciprocated.

 

Thursday rolls around and nothing. No message, no call...dead silence. I wasn't quite feeling any sort of connection, so I wasn't really all that disappointed. All of a sudden he messages me today, "Hi Milly, it's Ben. We haven't met yet? How was your weekend?". At this point, I'm thinking, "huh?", and after thinking about how I felt and what I wanted to say I said something along the lines of (I have since deleted the text messages), "Well we were supposed to meet last Thursday as discussed which didn't happen and I'm not sure why, so I just let it go". He responds, "Can I call you tonight?". I'm thinking, "I'm not really feeling this, but should I give it and him a chance?". I didn't want to respond too quickly without having more time to think about it.

 

I ended up falling asleep and when I wake-up, he's texted again saying, "Is that cool? I'd like to speak with you briefly". I was about to head out and therefore couldn't speak on the phone, but I didn't really want to either. I said, "I can't speak tonight as I'm heading out to meet a friend for dinner". And then I said, "I'm not quite sure how to say this, but I don't think we're a match. You seem like a nice guy though and I hope you find what you're looking for. :) ". I honestly didn't know if I was dealing with a flake after what happened, and didn't want to waste my time . He writes back immediately and says, "How can you even know whether or not we're compatible if we haven't met. Clearly it's another issue. Wow, good luck". After some thought, because I felt bad and wanted to make sure he understood, I said, "But Ben, we were supposed to meet last Thursday, and that didn't happen, so I was surprised to hear from you today. I don't want to waste my time or anyone else's. Am I missing something here? Because I'm finding this situation a bit confusing".

 

I didn't hear anything in response, and I doubt I will. I just don't want to waste my time with guys who don't follow through, when there are men out there who do. I know I need someone more assertive and I need that witty banter which I wasn't getting AT ALL from him. It was like he didn't have any sort of sense of humour. However, it's not to say I didn't think he had a real sweet side, though - because it seemed like he did. Maybe I did make the wrong decision. I don't know. Maybe I should have given him a chance and spoke with him, at the very least, on the phone. I just really didn't like how we agreed we would meet up last Thursday (his idea) in my area of the city and he didn't bother to follow through. It made me lose interest.

 

Any thoughts?

 

I guess I was also surprised at this reaction to me saying that I didn't think we were a match. I mean, could he really be that surprised? I swear, sometimes when it comes to dating I wonder if I'm in the twilight zone and if my standards are too high. Ok, so I expected a follow through after we actually said we would meet after work on Thursday, is that so bad? If someone can't make it, that's fine, but just send a message and let me know either way.

 

I mean, I had to say something because he texted twice. I couldn’t just say, ‘can’t talk’ and leave it it open for further discussion.

 

Kinda wishing I spoke with him now though (just a little bit). May have turned out differently.

 

No, you definitely made the right decision. Look at the size of your post. Your whole life with him would be like that. Not worth the head space.

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Never give no shows another chance. It's not like an old friend who had an emergency and couldn't call. It's just plain rude and selfish. Agree in the western world people's time and energy is money and worth something. It's not a free banana boat down the Amazon on island time.

 

Wiseman, sometimes your posts make me laugh. This time it was the banana boat reference that got me. Lol

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