I'm not doing well

[my3lans]

it's been a month since we started talking about splitting and a week since it's been "official". My mom and close friends think I should be over it by now. I'm functioning. I get up every day, keep the house clean, go to work. I socialize with friends but sometimes I burst into tears whether I'm alone or not. I've seen my doctor for some anti-anxiety meds and I'm making plans to move forward. But I'm bored sometimes and think about him constantly. He was ALL IN. HE talked about our future all the time. HE talked about blending our 5 grown kids into a family. HE talked about moving in together, etc. and then all of a sudden...he pulled back. I panicked and pushed which only made him pull further away. I'm still just devastated by being completely blindsided by all of this.

 

Everyone wants me to be mad at him and I should be but I still love him. I wonder what he's doing, if he's okay, does he miss me at all? What made him pull away?

 

I've been reading about breakups, etc I'm doing all the things they suggest. And maybe the holidays are making it worse. I just want to stop missing him, thinking about him and crying every day.

[ThatwasThen]

It's only been a week, luv. Give it some time and keep doing what you're doing to help yourself move on. With time and what you do with that time that will get you to the blissful stage of indifference to him. Do your best to change the subject of him when he pops into your head and don't dwell on your memories at this point. You want to look forward right now and not in the rear view mirror.

 

If your ex's name was "Joel" I'll suggest that you contact admin to change your screen name so you don't have that as a constant reminder of him.

[chicafella80]

Hugs love!!!! I know its tough !! Going through a hard time my self !! And holidays just make it harder!!! Maybe a day trip with friends? Or just venting and time...nothing its lost forever. If you want to cry ...dont hold the 😢

[AutumnBorn]

It's going to take more time. A lot more time.

 

I cried at least once a day, every day, for two years (I was married a long time, mind you). It wasn't until I realized what I was doing wasn't working for me on any level that I started to do what did work.

 

When you say you're doing "all the things", what exactly are you doing?

 

Have you read Uncoupling: Turning Points in Intimate Relationships? Not a relationship book, per se. It's a sociology book. And the most important thing I read when I decided to stop doing what didn't work. (And, yeah, he came sniffing around again just when I was completely over him.)

[Young mind]

Time time time, that’s all we need

[my3lans]

When you say you're doing "all the things", what exactly are you doing?

 

Just trying to focus on myself...new haircut, clothes, etc. Which I can't do any of that right now until after Christmas because I'm broke lol. But I'm planning to. Trying to eat right, exercise, read, crochet--all my old hobbies. I'm moving at the end of January so I'm trying to give my attention to that. But nothing keeps my mind off him for long. I am trying to see him as the he turned out to be instead of the wonderful person I thought he was. I'm just not there yet. My mom literally SCREAMED at me this weekend because I don't hate him. She thinks I should be extremely pissed off and not even worry about him anymore. :sorrow: