Cheating Advice Needed Please

[Jessica444]

So my boyfriend and I have been dating for over 2 years. I love him but I have chosen to not have sex until we're married (yes I know this is abnormal). And he has respected it, but struggled some with understanding it. We've had a great relationship. Just a few hours ago he snap chatted a girl saying "dtf" (down to ?). He apparently felt guilty and said he loved me right after and was just being curious to see how someone would respond since he has only ever been with me. She already sent me the screenshots to me before he could confess. No cheating or anything has ever happened before but I'm extremely hurt and don't know if I can move past it. He told me he would have never actually done anything and (I don't think he would've or would continue any sextig or anything) was only curious because all his guy friends easily hook up with women, and he wondered how one would respond. He admits to it being a huge mistake and is extremely upset about it and only showed him how much he doesn't want to lose me. He said I can take all the time I need, but I don't know what to do. Can we rebuild the trust after this or should I end it? I love him and don't want to throw the last almost 3 years away over three letters, but I just don't know what to do. Thanks

[Cutebunny]

idk but if it was me i would've ended the relationship. He has the heart to try sexting with someone else, you wouldnt know someday he might be brave enough to cheat. if he knows that you'll forgive him, he'll surely does it again and again. it is hard to change a cheater. i've seen a few and i do believe that " once a cheater will always be a cheater".

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately the lame excuses (lies) are as bad as the sexting/attempts to hookup. People don't sent out hookup requests out of curiosity. Hopefully you will reconsider things and find someone who shares your values.

[Honeycomb8]

He would have gone ahead with it if she was keen. Leave him behind.

[bluecastle]

Only you know if you can forgive and if you believe more depth and growth can be found between you two in trying to rebuild trust. I'm a lot less harsh about this sort of thing than most commenters on here—people make mistakes and bad choices, but don't have to be defined by them. That said, I agree with the commenter about making sure you're with someone who shares your values. If your bf doesn't believe in waiting until marriage, it's hard to imagine that the instincts that lead to him sending these texts will really go away.

[MissCanuck]

He should not been sending hook-up invitations like that, period. It doesn't matter if he was curious, or didn't have serious intentions of having sex. I am betting he did, though, because it not as though he confessed out of guilt. Someone else told you. Had she not clued you in, I have a hard time believing he wouldn't have gone through with it. How did this girl even manage to track you down, and who is she?

 

He made a conscious choice to send an inappropriate message to someone who isn't you. He's just showed you how much he is willing to risk, and I do not believe he risked it all out of idle "curiosity." You might not be willing to throw away the last 3 years over 3 letters, but OP, he is.

 

In my opinion, it's time to end this. I say that because you want to wait until marriage to have sex, and he clearly does not. This is a very significant incompatibility and you would likely be much happier with someone who shares your views.

[Ziggy123]

Sometimes people make mistakes and mess up royally and it just reminds them of what is really important to them. Sounds like he was conflicted between his love for you and wanting to live a typical life as a young guy and hooking up with girls. If he seems really commited to you and truly sorry I would give him another chance. Up to you though.

[thealchemist]

Well I cannot stress how ridiculously against waiting to have sex until marriage I am. I have also only ever had sex with my wife. But that isn't the issue.

 

He tried to hookup with another woman.

 

You were informed before he confessed.

 

I didn't have sex for quiet awhile after starting to date my wife. I had a lot of built up sexual frustration too. That never made me seek outside companionship. It just made me want to ha e sex with my Gf.

 

Turning outside of the relationship for satisfaction is the bad part. It is a characteristic that tends to stay in a relationship once one or both partners show it.

 

My opinion is to end it with him. Personally I couldn't forgive it so I would move one. (Then reevaluate your no sex before marriage choice)

 

After all, "because I have invested so much time already" is a terrible reason to stay in a relationship.

[j.man]

While I myself likewise agree that waiting until marriage is among the more archaic and purposeless practices today, and believe it almost inherently invites infidelity, particularly if you're dating for years prior to any marriage, fact is it's still what he consciously signed up for and betrayed you on.

 

If you're the type to be that sensitive about having sex with your own partner prior to marriage, I can't imagine you're the type who could regain trust in him when he's having sex or making such propositions with others prior to marriage.

 

I'd cut your losses.

[hlethorn1]

Only you know if you can forgive and if you believe more depth and growth can be found between you two in trying to rebuild trust. I'm a lot less harsh about this sort of thing than most commenters on here—people make mistakes and bad choices, but don't have to be defined by them. That said, I agree with the commenter about making sure you're with someone who shares your values. If your bf doesn't believe in waiting until marriage, it's hard to imagine that the instincts that lead to him sending these texts will really go away.

 

This is the best response ^^^

 

I would seriously reevaluate your reasons for celibacy. There is nothing worse than spending time waiting for marriage, to be tied to someone who you are not sexually compatible with.