How to realise if he likes me or not

[elloihallvard]

I want to ask a really direct question?

 

I know a guy from my job and I really like him.He is very sweet with me and polite, but he doesn't look so interested in me or he is so shy to make a move. I cannot define this, but he is so caring and sweeet but doesn't ask me about my life or things, just small talking sometimes regarding job. I don't even know if he has a girlfriend.

 

Is there any way to make him interested or at least to reveal if he is shy or not interested at all?

[Batya33]

Can you ask if he wants to grab lunch?

[elloihallvard]

No, is just a part-time job in afternoon. But anyway he spends more time with his friends there, cause I am a newbie here at this job.

[Batya33]

No, is just a part-time job in afternoon. But anyway he spends more time with his friends there, cause I am a newbie here at this job.

 

Can you meet him before you start work?

[elloihallvard]

Haha I am too shy to do this too. It would be weird. What if this ruins everything?

[elloihallvard]

I am trying to talk with his friends, to see his reaction and he looks at us when I talk with somebody else, but I don't know.

[Batya33]

There are many what ifs.

 

A story: over 20 years ago a very shy guy started working at my company. I'd worked there 6 weeks already! We had a welcome breakfast for the newbies. He was standing all by himself looking a bit lost. I crossed the room and said "hi" and we discovered we'd grown up near each other and were the same age. We didn't work together and I had a boyfriend. Over the next 9 months we ran into each other a few times at company events and had brief conversations. At one of them he said I put my hand on his arm while talking to him, quickly, to make a point. So he called me the next day and got over his shyness (with a pep talk from his friends) and asked me to lunch. I wouldn't have asked him because truthfully I just didn't see things like that with him (I barely knew him and he was so shy back then!)

 

Our course of true love didn't run smoothly (multi-year break up in between the first and second times we dated!) but we just celebrated another anniversary -married several years now and he got over most of his shyness many years ago which is one reason things worked out so well for us.

 

I said hi to him first -crossed a room - he did ask me out first but I showed interest. Don't pass up an opportunity based on fear.

[SweetGirl28]

Maybe he has a gf or isn't interested because in general when a guy is, he will want to know

about your life, and your interests.

[elloihallvard]

I don't know. The only thing that I rely on is that he is so sweet, stress-free and smiles a lot. But, maybe he does it with everybody not only with me, I don't know.

[SweetGirl28]

Well, like Batya said, you can ask him to lunch. I know you don't want to, but it's worth a shot.

Or, ask if he has fb or snap chat, and ask to be added. It can give you a little more insight into

his life. And a way to talk without being at work.

[Batya33]

Well, like Batya said, you can ask him to lunch. I know you don't want to, but it's worth a shot.

Or, ask if he has fb or snap chat, and ask to be added. It can give you a little more insight into

his life. And a way to talk without being at work.

 

I would not do that until you meet him in person for lunch or a coffee ,etc because you don't really know him much in person and you will get attached by typing and talking and still have no information as to whether he'd like to date you.

[elloihallvard]

Or maybe I should be just like him, stress-free smile a lot,and don't care about him. Maybe he will do it. No idea.

Or if I smile a lot he will think I have a boyfriend , it's getting complicated, haha

[Batya33]

Or maybe I should be just like him, stress-free smile a lot,and don't care about him. Maybe he will do it. No idea.

Or if I smile a lot he will think I have a boyfriend , it's getting complicated, haha

 

Not complicated at all. Don't make it so because then you'll tell yourself you have an excuse not to act.

[SweetGirl28]

Or maybe I should be just like him, stress-free smile a lot,and don't care about him. Maybe he will do it. No idea.

Or if I smile a lot he will think I have a boyfriend , it's getting complicated, haha

 

Cute! Lol but...no!

Just be yourself! :)

[elloihallvard]

I would like things to start from him. I mean there are other guys asking me out in the job(which im not interested), why wouldn't he?

[Batya33]

Ok that’s your choice and risk. Asking out at work can be tricky because the guy doesn’t want to get into trouble etc.

[SweetGirl28]

Possibilities - he likes you, but has a gf, so doesn't ask

He is shy, and fears rejection, so doesn't ask

He just isn't interested

He knows you turn down other guys at work, so he doesn't ask

 

The only one who knows is him.

Like I said earlier, if he wanted to know more about you, he would likely be doing so.

Do you have a lot of guys around you at work, and he sees you getting hit on?

[elloihallvard]

There are two of them. Yes he sees sometimes.

[SweetGirl28]

Well I can't say for certain, but that just might be the issue!

You'll have to make the move if you want, casually.

You have nothing to lose.

[DanZee]

You can use a wingman to act as a go-between. Can someone at work go over and ask him if he likes you? That could jump-start things!

[elloihallvard]

You can use a wingman to act as a go-between. Can someone at work go over and ask him if he likes you? That could jump-start things!

 

Wow, where do you live? At movies? 😂

[Batya33]

Wow, where do you live? At movies? 😂

 

It sounds like you would like to get to know him better on a date and you're not willing to show more interest -take action. So the downside is that nothing is likely to happen. I don't suggest you use a go-between because you shouldn't share your personal stuff/crushes at work but how about putting together a group activity and inviting him?

[elloihallvard]

It sounds like you would like to get to know him better on a date and you're not willing to show more interest -take action. So the downside is that nothing is likely to happen. I don't suggest you use a go-between because you shouldn't share your personal stuff/crushes at work but how about putting together a group activity and inviting him?

 

I could!

I don't wanna act too much cause I may ruin things, cause he is so polite, sweet, smiles, not stressed, handsome, has good logic, a high attitude and doesn't speak so much. And is great at his job. I don't wanna lose him.

 

I am hoping that the issue why he isn't too much interested is that we speak different languages and at the beginning I had difficulties with his language. But I am learning fast. I hope he is waiting until I learn this new language (german).

[Batya33]

I could!

I don't wanna act too much cause I may ruin things, cause he is so polite, sweet, smiles, not stressed, handsome, has good logic, a high attitude and doesn't speak so much. And is great at his job. I don't wanna lose him.

 

I am hoping that the issue why he isn't too much interested is that we speak different languages and at the beginning I had difficulties with his language. But I am learning fast. I hope he is waiting until I learn this new language (german).

 

Yes so if you don't want to lose your working relationship and friendly rapport then I wouldn't risk it at work. You really have to do the balancing and be comfortable with your choice. I made the choice to get involved with a colleague and it worked out quite well! Others have had different experiences. I was comfortable showing interest, I was comfortable asking someone to a platonic lunch especially with a group. In general I did not ask men out on a first date -it wasn't hard for me to do, but I found it wasn't an effective way to find a serious relationship.