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Gift situations and convos can be tricky, but this is more about something else than this particular thing. An awkward convo shouldn't be enough to break a solid couple.

 

Did you decide if you will go see him?

 

Yes, I decided to go see him to talk about things face to face (I wrote it 1 or 2 pages ago I also said I thought his reaction was rude. It might not be to others on the post but it's my perspective. I happen to be one of those people that were raised to say 'thank you' about a gift. He asked about my thought process and then said, "I never said I didn't appreciate it" after the fact. So this is a moment where I have to try and understand his POV, he hopefully can understand mine and we can figure out how to avoid this type of thing in the future.

 

There are indeed some other things about our relationship (which is long distance by the way) that bother me. So yes, this situation was kind of a last straw and that's why I initially cancelled the trip. We talked and I decided to still go so we can hopefully resolve things. I don't know, I'm anxious, but am willing to listen and talk things out.

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"Rude" functions like name calling and is divisive.

 

Instead of judging him and equalizing your position by finding fault in him, simply describe yourself. "I felt as if my gift was unappreciated and like I failed at something, and that hurt because I wanted so badly to make you happy. Often when I am hurt I express anger, because I am not very comfortable being vulnerable. But I can trust you with my feelings and my feelings were hurt and that is why I overreacted."

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He should of been grateful and kept comments to himself. You were thoughtful about all things he could use. I think he shouldnt have said a word about it. Be thankful and thats it. Dont think you should cancel the trip but let him know it bothered you and see if he learns from it.

 

Thanks mandeelove. I've decided to still go and see if we can talk through it/understand one another better.

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IAmFCA's post reminded me of a time I gave a gift and was hurt by the reaction. I gave my godmom, who I have a close relationship to, an e reader a few years back. She loves to read and I thought it'd be great, as I loved mine. She opened it, and told me point blank she'd never use it. She's not the most tactful woman in general, but usually gracious with gifts. I told her sorry for the flub, I'd take it back and just wanted to get her something she'd like. My intention wasn't bad. She apologized and that was that. We talked and I found out why she didn't like it- turns out she was worried she'd never get books again.

 

It's tricky but not worth a fight if the person is otherwise willing to work with you .

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I believe saying "thank you" when you receive a gift from someone is the most reasonable thing to do! But... it's different when it comes to your significant other. It all depends on the the stage of your relationship and if you would like to take this relationship to the next level. I say that because yes, it may be rude to make a comment if it's just "anybody" that gave the gift.

 

When it comes to someone you are in a pretty serious relationship with (I understand it's LDR) I'm assuming OP would like to take this relationship to the next level? Well if your answer is yes, than open communication (especially in LDR) is one of the most important element in a relationship. You should be able to communicate openly and honestly to each other without getting punished. For example cancelling a trip over a question he asked you?? You should be close enough for him to ask you that question? In order to move forward, really, you need to be able to communicate without over reacting or punishing the other person whether you like what they have to say or ask you questions. It's all part of getting to know each other.

 

If it's a co-worker, friend even some family members whom you have given that gift to and they ask you that question, then yes, I understand why you are upset.

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I believe saying "thank you" when you receive a gift from someone is the most reasonable thing to do! But... it's different when it comes to your significant other. It all depends on the the stage of your relationship and if you would like to take this relationship to the next level. I say that because yes, it may be rude to make a comment if it's just "anybody" that gave the gift.

 

When it comes to someone you are in a pretty serious relationship with (I understand it's LDR) I'm assuming OP would like to take this relationship to the next level? Well if your answer is yes, than open communication (especially in LDR) is one of the most important element in a relationship. You should be able to communicate openly and honestly to each other without getting punished. For example cancelling a trip over a question he asked you?? You should be close enough for him to ask you that question? In order to move forward, really, you need to be able to communicate without over reacting or punishing the other person whether you like what they have to say or ask you questions. It's all part of getting to know each other.

 

If it's a co-worker, friend even some family members whom you have given that gift to and they ask you that question, then yes, I understand why you are upset.

 

Thank you so much Juju! I agree, I was too quick to cancel. He and I talked and I am still going to see him. You're also right, this is a part of getting to know the other person. I'm working on not seeing certain questions as a critique, but instead to view it as just a question and provide an answer (for the sake of him understanding me better too).

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