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I need some help. I'm feeling quite lost.

 

I am a half Arab and half European woman. I have always been quite confused about my identity. I grew up in the Middle East, but I never really fit in. I was always shy, reserved and didn't have that many friends.

 

I have been living in the UK for maybe 10 years now. I get a lot of attention and I am considered attractive. I am also reasonably successful.

 

I seem to always attract men physically. Throughout my 20s I was asked out by many men but none of them wanted relationships, they all wanted me for my appearance. Needless to say, I didn't have a very active sex or dating life as a result.

 

I met a Danish guy a year ago. We instantly clicked, a lot of chemistry and affection. He taught me how to be cosy, affectionate, he showered me with love and friendship. But he never wanted a relationship. He went back to Denmark and we stopped talking because I wanted some kind of commitment and he never wanted one.

 

After a few months apart I missed him, he reached out to me again and we started talking and it was like we never left. Though I knew it would hurt, l decided to give him unconditional love. we visited each other and it all felt so beautiful. He even said he loved me once when he was sleeping, I don't think he knows he said it.

 

But he still doesn't want a relationship, he wants to keep things open, he told me not to have any expectations.

 

I decided to take a break from talking to him, but it's making me really sad.

 

I have recently met a middle eastern guy from my country, he does want a relationship, but I am not very attracted to him. I don't feel we have the same way of thinking. He is into things that I find very cliche like James Bond. He works hard but he doesn't have an enlightened way of viewing the world, he is also a little judgmental of free spirited people, which I feel deep down I am.

 

I have been feel pretty down this week. I feel like a horrible person for rejecting someone from my own culture and going for this Scandinavian beautiful guy who isn't really respecting me or valuing me. I feel a bit racist and judgmental, like I am rejecting a part of myself.

 

All the European guys I dated would make fun of things about the Arab culture. I feel like I just started to accept that and it hurts because it's me and I love my culture, but I'm also European and I respect these values as well.

 

Yesterday I went with the two Arab friends to this club and we didn't get in. I know it's because they looked Arab. When I go out with my Danish guy, we are invited into clubs.

 

Therefore I am confused. I am sad about the world we live in, and I don't want to contribute to the problem. Maybe I should just accept this guy and try to love him.

 

I don't know if love is just finding someone who has good genes and a better socio economic situation.. all the guys I met only wanted me for one thing, maybe they didn't want a relationship because of my Arab background. (Btw I am Christian not Muslim)

 

I don't want to be a hypocrite. I want real love. But with the Danish guy I felt absolutely in love and I will always be happy for him no matter what happens. But he is lucky because he belongs to a nation that really looks after it's people and I'm just an Arab living in the UK working hard. I'm just a product of my environment and why would he want to be with me?

 

I don't know if this makes sense. But I need some insight. I am very confused right now morally about love and backgrounds and who I am authentically.

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Maybe you should move to Canada or the US. We have Arab Christians here and people from all over the world. You might get mistaken for being Italian, Greek, Eastern European, or Hispanic. Even the Arab guys are a little more educated, a little more civilized, have money and get invited into clubs. Why settle for just any guy when you can find the right guy in North America. And New York City doesn't have the stuffiness of London or the class system in the UK.

 

Otherwise, it sounds like your opportunities are limited where you are. I don't think you should give up on love, you just need to look harder.

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  • 1 month later...

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