I don't trust him

[Gemma Jay]

I have been with my boyfriend about 12 months now but there are some real issues.

 

Everything was going great until I found some messages on his phone. Now these messages were from 5 years ago, but my issues was what was in them. There were vulgar comments, he'd talked about women he'd been with etc. They showed a complete new side of him. When I questioned him, he said that they were from the past and that most of the things he said in them were lies anyway. He was just 'bigging himself up'. He also said somethings were true and I asked him the surname of one particular girl. He said he didn't know, couldn't remember.

 

I found out a few months later that it was his cousins daughter and he'd lied about we not remembering. This time I was more hurt because he'd lied.

 

Since this, I have real trust issues. When he's at work, I quiz him about who he's taking to. Even when I see him talking to girls at work, I get snappy and nasty. He does nothing for me. He'd rather spend do time at work than with me, that's my thoughts.

 

I don't know what to do anymore. I look at every girl at work thinking 'would he go with her'? I say in my head of the paranoia stops, he won't but then I get angry and start again resulting in me getting upset thinking ill drive him away anyway.

 

I don't know what to do. I feel depressed with it all.

[MissCanuck]

I was ready to say you were being overly insecure until you mentioned that one of the girls he was speaking about was his cousin's daughter. This girl is his family member too then, no? What did he say about her?

 

There's something very off about this whole scenario, OP. I don't blame you for being upset, though I'd be far more upset about who his object of lust was. That's really not right.

[Gemma Jay]

He had been saying things like what he was going to try and do with her. Then he said he'd 'been with her' (not put quite so politely as that). I asked him about his but he said he hadn't, just said he'd kissed her. This is the point when I asked who she was and he said he couldn't remember.

 

I found out that it was his cousins daughter which is why he didn't tell me, plus the fact he still had her on social media.

 

I honestly felt heartbroken.

[MissCanuck]

I'm sorry, OP, but there is no way I could continue with this man.

 

He has some very sketchy boundaries and poor judgment. Just...no.

[Gemma Jay]

So it's not just me being overly insecure?

Because that's how it feels sometimes.

 

It's not just about her. I just feel sick when we are apart.

[MissCanuck]

No, it's not just you being overly insecure. Unless you're okay with grown men who pursue and hook up with their relatives.

[Hollyj]

That is disgusting. How can you respect this man?

 

This goes waaaaaaay beyond trust issues. Certainly, you do better in the partner department.