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Red Flag if the guy on first date does not pay for my food?


Mamzi

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I agree with the previous posters...

If a man & woman are on a date, the man typically pays traditionally. Especially if we like the girl! It is a part of our "dominant" nature to protect and provide for our mate.

 

I have been on dates before and if the girl offers to pay or declines for me to pay for her, I usually take that as her way of telling me she doesn't want me to view the date as "romantic" in nature and simply just a get-together. However, if I didn't enjoy the date, then I wouldn't resist her offer to pay. But if I did like her, I would take offense to it and try to resist having her pay. However, if she insisted after my first attempt, then I would let it go.

 

I literally went on one of the greatest dates of my life this past Friday and I paid for everything. No questions or resistance from her... which I took as a positive sign. Honestly, I would spend any money on this girl... she's incredible!

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It's 2017 and I'm a grown woman with my own income.

 

Great! Unfortunately, many do not have the luxury to support an entire family while on maternity leave...This is why it is important for a woman to at least have a partner that can contribute financially and support her when raising children....

 

And this is why I believe women are at least wanting to know a man is willing to pay for a date for at least the first few times....It makes sense, don't ya think?

 

Now there are exceptions...I know a very wealthy businesswoman who can afford to leave her 4 month old baby with a full-time nanny and only flies down to see the baby on weekends...

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Great! Unfortunately, many do not have the luxury to support an entire family while on maternity leave...This is why it is important for a woman to at least have a partner that can contribute financially and support her when raising children....

 

And this is why I believe women are at least wanting to know a man is willing to pay for a date for at least the first few times....It makes sense, don't ya think?

 

Now there are exceptions...I know a very wealthy businesswoman who leaves her 4 month old baby with a nanny and only flies down to see the child on weekends...

 

Or the woman can do what I did. I knew I'd want to be at home for at least a few years and didn't know if my future husband would be able to provide. So, as soon as I could I started socking away a "nest egg" (after paying off grad school loans). That way I could offer an "income" even though I wouldn't be working outside of parenting. As it turned out we didn't need it but having my own money and savings made me feel even more comfortable not bringing in a formal income from a job.

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It can go either way for me. I don't have any problem paying half, or treating on occasion, or being treated.

 

But it's nice to see a man is willing to pay the whole tab. Says to me that he's generous, and not embittered by gender role issues (thank god!).

 

I won't let him pay my half if I'm not interested in pursuing the relationship farther.

 

Either way, I think this is key:

 

If you value being respected, then respect yourself by meaning what you say.
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I agree with the previous posters...

If a man & woman are on a date, the man typically pays traditionally. Especially if we like the girl! It is a part of our "dominant" nature to protect and provide for our mate.

 

I have been on dates before and if the girl offers to pay or declines for me to pay for her, I usually take that as her way of telling me she doesn't want me to view the date as "romantic" in nature and simply just a get-together. However, if I didn't enjoy the date, then I wouldn't resist her offer to pay. But if I did like her, I would take offense to it and try to resist having her pay. However, if she insisted after my first attempt, then I would let it go.

 

I literally went on one of the greatest dates of my life this past Friday and I paid for everything. No questions or resistance from her... which I took as a positive sign. Honestly, I would spend any money on this girl... she's incredible!

 

This is how my ex was. I mentioned previously, but when I offered to pay, he got insulted!

 

Thank you for explaining why, he never did, just insisted on paying.

 

Probably goes back to what he was raised to believe also.

 

The yin and yang thing.

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This is how my ex was. I mentioned previously, but when I offered to pay, he got insulted!

 

Thank you for explaining why, he never did, just insisted on paying.

 

Probably goes back to what he was raised to believe also.

 

The yin and yang thing.

 

Same here and I chuckled when I read:

 

If a man insisted we split, or forgot his wallet, or some other lame excuse to wiggle out of paying, then I would assume, naturally, he was not that interested, after spending time with me on the date.

 

On our very first lunch date over 20 years ago my future husband asked me to lunch at a fairly pricey restaurant near our office. I believe I purposely ordered pizza because it was inexpensive. He is a traditional, fairly old fashioned person (same with the insult you referenced above). So the check came and he realized he forgot his wallet at the office. He was mortified. I paid without fanfare - no big deal -and when he asked if he could please interoffice me the $ I refused. About 3 months later he took me on an expensive vacation. He didn't ask me to chip in but I wanted to. I gave him a check for what I estimated was half. 6 months after that we planned another vacation. I asked him what my half was and he said no, it was his treat. So I reminded him that he'd taken my check for the previous trip and he told me that obviously I didn't balance my accounts because he'd never cashed it and didn't want to have that discussion.

 

So, you never know lol. When he forgot his wallet I had absolutely no doubt that he'd intended to pay. Just like I had no doubt that the guy who ate half my meal and didn't offer to pay a dime toward the bill was stingy (well it confirmed it based on other comments/ behaviors).

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But it's nice to see a man is willing to pay the whole tab. Says to me that he's generous, and not embittered by gender role issues (thank god!).

 

 

 

Traditional gender role issues were the man pays for everything, the woman does what she's told.

 

Now you seem to want the man pays for everything, with all the benefits of traditional roles in a way that suits you.

 

Thats hypocritical and its saying that you feel entitled. Unless your offering some sort of business deal you should be able and willing to pay your own way.

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Now you seem to want the man pays for everything, with all the benefits of traditional roles in a way that suits you.

 

 

Okay now I see you're re-writing history (of this thread).

 

Please show me where anyone said they expect the man to pay for everything while the woman expects all the "benefits" of a traditional RL that suit her.

 

I never said that, I never even implied it. Because I DON'T expect that.

 

Again go back and read my posts if confused (which apparently you are).

 

I didn't read where anyone else said, suggested or implied that either.

 

If you're going to make a point, at least get the facts of what was posted straight, and stop projecting your own negative views about women and/or what you've experienced with women on to the women here.

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I explained my position and WHY I felt this way. It's conditioning for one thing, how I was raised, what I was raised to believe.

 

First few dates. If you are confused about my position, suggest you go back and read.

 

It has NOTHING to do with "materialism." Again, go back and read my posts if confused about that.

 

Anyway, not gonna apologize for that, I own it.

 

Apparently you and others have an issue with it, why?

 

The men I date feel same as I do, it works for us, so what's your point?

 

And if anyone challenges your desire to have the man pay, you react with anger. That sums it up.

 

You are entitled to get what you want, money from the man in the 'early' stages of a relationship, or you will get angry. All it takes is someone writing on a forum to get you angry, so I don't want to even think about how you'd react in real life.

 

That's why one of the most common pieces of advice to men, is that a woman who expects you to pay, is a woman who will lead you into a world of divorce, alimony, bankruptcy and in some cases suicide.

 

Any men still paying for women on dates, you need to check Marc Rudov ASAP.

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And if anyone challenges your desire to have the man pay, you react with anger. That sums it up.

 

LOL, so now I see you're stooping to straw man arguments. Usually happens when one no longer has any valid point to make. Or can't back up their point with relevant facts.

 

So you accuse, attack.

 

I am not angry dude, if anyone is angry you are.

 

Anyway, if you wish to continue arguing, feel free.

 

I don't have time for such silliness myself, so done.

 

Wish you the best and happy holidays!

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Traditional gender role issues were the man pays for everything, the woman does what she's told.

 

Now you seem to want the man pays for everything, with all the benefits of traditional roles in a way that suits you.

 

Thats hypocritical and its saying that you feel entitled. Unless your offering some sort of business deal you should be able and willing to pay your own way.

 

You cut three out of four of my sentences and then called me a hypocrite. That's saying that you see only what you want to see. Enjoy your view.

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LOL @ the idea that a woman who "expects" the man to pay for a first date will lead the man into suicide. That's some extreme thought process there!

 

Well, a man who has a woman that expects him to pay, is eventually going to decide he's better off dead. Thats why so many men have had enough of the hypocritical BS.

 

The only men who are going to pay for you, are doormats who don't have the b'lls to stand up to you. Eventually you'll hate them, disrespect them and bleed them dry.

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