Any hope for us?

[Lottxa]

There was this boy I began dating May of last year, he meant absolutely everything to me. At the beginning of this year, his mate had revealed to me that he had feelings for me and I was feeling unsatisfied in my relationship with the boy I thought I was obsessed with. And so, not knowing any better, I decided to pursue his mate. His BEST mate. That is just about as low as you can get, and so this mate and I were hiding this relationship until someone close to me had found out and went to the boy I was with. It had finally struck me that I cheated on someone and hurt someone in the cruelest way possible. I was caught in a lie, and it was just awful. I couldn't live with myself, I began to think about every possible reason why I did what I did but I was in a really unstable state of mind. When he found out, he came up to me to confront me and all I could say is, ''I think we should just be friends.''

I have never forgiven myself, but since that time this boy has taken me back and I couldn't be more thankful. Much recently, I have found myself falling more and more in love with him again. However, ever since March when that all went down he has stuck to not wanting to get back into a relationship. While I completely understand his concern for getting back into a relationship, it still sucks. Also recently, we seem to be arguing about everything and anything. I know nothing I can do will take back what I've done and thw pain I've caused but I truly thought we were making progress, all this fighting has been setting us back and breaking my heart. I truly feel as if we won't get back to how we were, it is like he doesn't care anymore. I think he has feelings for me, but I don't know how strong they are and if they are the same as mine.

I don't know whether to end it entirely, but if I did I would be losing my best friend. But if I stay, everytime I try and talk about committing again he just refuses to talk about it or go into it.

What am I supposed to do, is there any hope for us?

[SherrySher]

Turn the tables and picture this scenario with him messing around with your best friend and sleeping with her and so on...would you be willing to forgive and could you ever look at him the same?

 

I think if you were honest the answer to both is no.

 

You could be friends but it would never be the same.

[DanZee]

Yeah, if he's picking fights with you, he's still angry. It's a way of pushing you away. I don't see much hope with the relationship unless you two guys sit down and really work it out. But it may be too painful for him to revisit. You probably should just break up.

[MissCanuck]

This one isn't likely to work out, OP.

 

When someone betrays you, you never quite see them the same way again. You can't ever really go back to the way things were, because you can't undo this violation of trust. Even if he wants to forgive and forget, it is tremendously difficult to actually do so. Given that your choice of affair partner was his own best friend, and you hadn't even been together all that long, you have doubled the pain, disrespect and humiliation he feels.

 

Unfortunately, there is very little chance at a future here.

[SethSLC]

I agree that as of right now he is still majorly angry and needs time to deal with it if he is willing. If he is willing to deal with his feelings then maybe in the future there is a chance at him forgiving you and then seeing where it goes, but right now the last thing either of you needs is to be in a relationship together. He will simply continue to take his anger out on you, and while you messed up in what I consider the worst possible thing a human can do to another ( one of my real loves did the same thing to me ) .. you don't deserve to be a punching bag day in and day out.

 

Have the strength and courage to step away. For him and you. If you really love him, give him the time and space he needs to deal with his emotions. Give yourself the time and space to grow up and truly learn from your mistake and why it was so wrong.