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3 months later ex wants to be friends


Astrogirllibra
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He broke up with me 3 months ago and expressed regret to mutual friends the next day and constantly post break up but never tried to get me back. Our mutual friends are always telling me he's always by himself at parties and isn't seeing anyone. Only contact we have had all these months was him apologizing for not wishing me a happy bday when he knew it was (which I accepted). The past couple of months whenever he sees me out with mutual friends he comes and hugs me. Yesterday he even came up to me and spoke to me, and it seemed like he wanted to talk about something more but we weren't alone. every time I am friendly and amicable because I still care about him. Even though I have not reached out and went completely silent after I agreed to break up, I think I might still have feelings for him. His best friend(also my good friend) has told me 2 weeks ago that he is not over me. My question is, are his attempts at friendship platonic or is there a chance he wants me back? I know he is still attracted to me but I still don't have a real reason for why we broke up other than "it's not the right time for a relationship". Please help. I'm confused

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It sounds like he is confused. But if his friends tell you he's not over you, and he's alone at parties - then you'd have to take him at his word that he is not looking for a relationship.

 

I think keep doing what your doing without pushing him and just be you. Let him have space to think. But you should keep your options open for other guys aswell. Like keep the door open for him, but don't wait too long if someone better comes along.

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He ended it for a reason. That dosent mean it wasnt hard on him. The dumper can stuggle with the break up to. He knew you werent a match for him in the long run but that dosnt mean he dosnt miss you or have any feelings for you. But i dont think he wants to reconile or he wouldve made it clear that he did. He probably wants you around as a comfort blanket until he feels ready to let go completly. Dont let him string you along. Ask him what it is he wants. If he tells you hes wants friendship but nothing more i wouldnt stick around for more pain. If you want to get over it you have to go full no contact

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It really doesn't matter what he wants. This is all up to you. And its very simple. If you don't want to be his friend, then don't be. If you do, then be his friend. Just remember, being a 'friend' means that if he happens to meet the girl of his dreams, now that you two are 'friends' he would be able to tell you all about her. If you are prepared for that, then be his friend. Otherwise, continue to heal especially if you are not over him. Right now use this time to make you happy. To reconnect with the you that was happy on their own.

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He ended it for a reason. That dosent mean it wasnt hard on him. The dumper can stuggle with the break up to. He knew you werent a match for him in the long run but that dosnt mean he dosnt miss you or have any feelings for you. But i dont think he wants to reconile or he wouldve made it clear that he did. He probably wants you around as a comfort blanket until he feels ready to let go completly. Dont let him string you along. Ask him what it is he wants. If he tells you hes wants friendship but nothing more i wouldnt stick around for more pain. If you want to get over it you have to go full no contact

 

I did full no contact for 2 months however we work together and share mutual friends. So avoiding him and ignoring him was awkward and more painful, and just not practical.

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It really doesn't matter what he wants. This is all up to you. And its very simple. If you don't want to be his friend, then don't be. If you do, then be his friend. Just remember, being a 'friend' means that if he happens to meet the girl of his dreams, now that you two are 'friends' he would be able to tell you all about her. If you are prepared for that, then be his friend. Otherwise, continue to heal especially if you are not over him. Right now use this time to make you happy. To reconnect with the you that was happy on their own.

 

I understand all of this, though sometimes on this site when I am looking for insight on a particular situation at hand or someone's motives I end up getting a speech about self love and "reconnecting with myself". I got that part down. Just need insight on mixed signals I am receiving

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If he wants you back he knows how to reach you and knows how to open his mouth and say so. He isn't saying it and you two work together, so not like he doesn't have plenty of opportunities to pull you aside and ask you to meet up and talk about getting back together or even ask if you are willing or would consider it. He isn't doing anything such. So, just assume that even though he might miss certain aspects of your relationship, such as your friendship, he isn't looking to get back together with you.

 

I know that you still have feelings for him and it's very tempting for you to think that you if do become his pal, that somehow he'll realize how awesome you are and want you back, but it doesn't really work that way. Playing friends with him will only help him move on without missing any part of you at all....because you are giving him exactly the parts he wants. Very convenient for him, very inconvenient for you as you will end up hoping for more like it or not.

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I understand all of this, though sometimes on this site when I am looking for insight on a particular situation at hand or someone's motives I end up getting a speech about self love and "reconnecting with myself". I got that part down. Just need insight on mixed signals I am receiving

 

He really isn't sending you mixed signals. He's being cordial and friendly.

You reciprocate it, so he feels comfortable with it.

Since he's not mentioning getting back together, assume he doesn't want to.

He knows how to reach you privately if he wanted to talk, or take you out alone.

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He really isn't sending you mixed signals. He's being cordial and friendly.

You reciprocate it, so he feels comfortable with it.

Since he's not mentioning getting back together, assume he doesn't want to.

He knows how to reach you privately if he wanted to talk, or take you out alone.

 

Exactly this.

 

He thinks you're fine being just friends, OP. Are you? If not, don't bother with this.

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This might help or not, who knows, but I'm going to tell you anyway..

 

If there is a woman that I am interested in, I will pursue her and try my best to go out on dates or go out, get her attention and it would be consistent. I would give her enough attention to let her know I am interested and would love to know more about you and want a relationship with you.

 

Then there are other women that I will meet that I would love to know better but not be in a relationship with. I would do almost the same thing except the consistency. You come on pretty strong then you back off, give them attention then back off.

 

Its been 3 months, and as SweetGirl said he is being nice to you. Its not mixed signals at all. He shouldn't have to say I don't want to get back with you because you two are broken up. If he wanted to be back with you, he would of been consistent with his attention to you. He shows up then fades away, shows up, fades away... that is not playing hard to get, just doesn't want to get back with you..

 

To be honest, no one knows or can say if he will ever change his mind and say lets get back. But do you really want to wait? Say you do then 6 months later you see him with a new GF and youll be mad that you waited. What you do is move on with your life and make yourself happy. Put yourself in a position that IF he wants to come back into your life, you have the choice to have him in your life or not. Don't give him the power, you take it.

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